AALIYAH

XX

aaliyah moor

"you good baby?" my mom asked i was laid on the couch watching old episodes of The Game.

"i'm good." i give her a smile reassuring smile.

i really wasn't as hurt as i was before. i mean a bitch does have feeling so i was sad but i was doing really well at not showing it and not dwelling on it.

i was functioning fine without him, as i was before.

"just checking i don't want you to-" she stops herself taking a deep breath "i don't want you to have those thoughts again."

"i know ma, and i'm good honestly. the more i focus on me, the more i seem to forget."

"maybe you should've heard him out."

"it's a little late, ion want nothing to do with him." i tell her getting up from the couch.

i grabbed a pack of fruit snacks out the pantry and then went to my old bedroom.

i didn't want to talk about Taurus nor how i felt for that matter, the less he's brought up the better. in my book he never existed.

i turned on my tv going to the netflix app they added trolls back on so i'd watch that, just to go to sleep.

"surprise!" i see one of my childhood best friends walk in.

"omg Maxine?" i ask rubbing the sleep out my eyes.

"hey baby!" she squeals hugging me.

my mom stood at the door just smiling.

"i'll leave you ladies alone." she says exiting.

"how you been girl?" i ask as she sat on my bed.

"i've been better." she shrugs.

"what does that mean?"

"i'm living is all i can say, it's all just seems like a cycle i'm never escaping you know, it's all routine and nothing different." i nod agreeing with that.

sometimes this shit is like the same episode of a tv show over and over again just different clothes.

"i definitely feel ya homegirl."

"but how about you, how you been?"

"you know me." i shrug "just tryna hang in there."

"mmm your mom told me about Kameron i ain't know y'all was still rockin together."

"because we're not." i chuckle "we quit each other awhile ago."

"oh damn i'm behind." she looks around the room "so catch me up."

"uhh,me and Kam split ways. i met this dude recently and i thought it was different this time but he just couldn't be saved."

"damn that's messed up." she says and i shrug.

"it's life." i sigh, what a fucked up life to live.

"you need a vacation, me too though." she begins to make herself comfortable.

"i do, jamaica with my ass out." i imagine me getting rubbed on in jamaica.

"ouuu let's make it a reality." she smiles.

i lay beside her and look over to her.

"let's do it."

taurus bartlett

"damn brotha man, you messed up a good thing." tbaby gripped my shoulder and shook his head. "sorry to say."

"ugh why you have to sleep with my nail tech though." leilani threw one of my moms decorative pillows at me.

"i promise i wasn't doing anything to hurt her." i shake my head.

"mhm." they both say giving each other the side eye.

i sat on the couch with my head in my hands just thinking. how the fuck did i mess this up? i finally found someone who was willing to put up with my fucked up life and i took it for granted.

even though i wasn't doing anything physically, mentally i was. i wouldn't say cheating because we weren't together but i see where she's coming from. i didn't want her going to her ex's momma birthday dinner but i'm still in contact with my ex, for my own good.

"i'm going to bed." i get up from the couch and to the guest room.

i was using text now to get in touch with her, i'd do whatever. i emailed as well. i realized she wouldn't respond to me though so i had to get creative. i posted that i needed someone who was good at finding anything out. too bad phone books ain't poppin no more, i'd definitely find her mama.

i laid in the bed, cold. why was she making me feel this way in such short time? love had no time limit i knew this. but it all seemed too sudden and too good to be true. maybe the split was for the best.

i already fucked up there's nothing i can do to fix it so might as well do me and wild out.

everything makes me lonely that's why it's just best i stay to myself. if i did hypothetically speaking, want liyah back if i slept with Chy tonight she'd never forgive me but if it's someone where no feelings were ever involved it would hurt a whole lot less. it's this girl who been pinging my line for a coo little minute i never entertained it though but tonight, i had too.

i needed to get my mind off her and quickly.

she sent me her addy and after that i was on go.

i took a few shots of the whiskey that was in the kitchen cabinet and was on my way to her house.