Of Love and Shadows

The Healing

Thalia

I haven't seen Rhys since he walked out of my room a week ago. I knew he was avoiding me. It's not every day that you find out that you had a daughter this whole time. Now that I thought about it, it made sense. I had his hair and now had his eyes (well one of them, my right eye was still golden), and I had his hair and his nose. It was uncanny how much we looked alike.

Azriel and I haven't talked about the mating bond yet, though he has been teaching me how to build the muscle on my back and we still spar every morning and afternoon. It was nice to talk to him, it was easy. I knew I was going to accept the bond, but I needed time to heal. I wanted to learn to fly first, even though I was terrified of the idea. I knew it was going to take time to fly, and thats what I needed. I needed time.

I wasnt going to let being in the cauldron shatter my soul. I had been on the run for years, a little more trauma wont kill me. Even though Ive woken up from sleeping many times feeling like I was drowning and I can't take proper baths anymore. I wont let it get in the way of my freedom.

Ever since Ive been in the cauldron, everything was different. I figured out that my original features were just a glamor my father must have put on me when I was a baby, and the cauldron broke it. I had hair identical to Rhysands that flowed down in waves past my hips, my eyes were two different colors, one golden with green specks in them and the other a deep violet that matched Rhyss eyes, my nose was straighter and my jawline sharp. It was hard to look in the mirror for too long; I had shattered it once with my new powers.

I still had my light, I was still a Lightsinger, but now darkness was in the mix. I could summon darkness and bend it to my will. My magic now had the essence of Rhys in it and that terrified me. I didnt want this power; it felt like I had taken it, even though I was technically born with it. One night I woke up in a dark room and had a panic attack. Feyre and Mor had to calm me down and Feyre showed me how to control the darkness, she showed me how to add pieces of my light to make an illusion of stars in my room. That night we three sat there in the star-filled darkness and fell asleep in a cuddle pile.

I was learning to accept the darkness bit by bit.

—-------------------

"Good Morning," I greeted everyone as I walked into the dining room.

I was wearing my new fighting leathers Cassian had gifted me yesterday during training with Azriel and Feyre. It was Illyrian leather and I never thought I would be comfortable in something so tight; it just felt like a second skin. Synthiax was sheathed on my back and my breastplate glowed slightly as I fed some of my magic into it.

I had learned recently since I was a High Lords daughter that my well of magic was deeper than it was before. I needed to let out bits and pieces of magic now and then or else I would feel like I was going to go on a rampage.

Cassian, Mor, and Feyre were the only ones in the kitchen. We were to go to Windhaven today. They had told me I didn't need to come with them, but I told them I couldn't be cooped up in the house forever, and that I couldn't let the cauldron control me. Plus, I wanted to come because I already had my answer on becoming Cassians second in command.

"Good Morning, Thalia,";Feyre greeted. 'Are you Ready? "

"Yes, "I looked around the kitchen. "Where is Azriel and Rhysand? "

"Rhys said they would meet us there," Mor said, closing the distance between us and holding out her gloved hand. "Im Winnowing us there. Rhys and Azriel will meet us there, but I won't be there long enough because I have to go and check on the Hewn City. "

"Alright." I didn't miss the dread in her eyes as she mentioned her home city but chose to ignore it. Mor would tell me her story when the time comes. "Lets go."