Of Love and Shadows

The Merchant

Thalia

It was time I spoke to my father and got some answers. Not Rhysand, Leonius, the man who had raised me.

Ever since the conversation with Amren in the kitchen in the townhouse, I hadn't been able to get anything right. I had even gone down into the library with Azriel to get some answers on my magic and what Starfall meant. Nothing came up besides the origin of Shadowsingers and the story of Starfall, stuff I already knew.

It was frustrating and it irked my nerves to the point where I accidentally shattered a window with my darkness.

I had called on Cassian and Azriel and now they were watching me carefully as I paced back and forth in the living room.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Cassian asked after standing there and watching me wear a track on the carpet.

"Yes," I said, stopping and looking at my friend and mate. "I want answers, and he deserves worse than what he has done to me."

"We will join you then," Azriel said.

I looked at my mate and nodded. I knew he was angry about what he had heard me tell him. I knew he wanted to do worse things than what I had in mind. I didn't blame him, because the second I meet his family I will kill them.

"Alright," I said, grabbing Synthiax off the couch and sheathing him in the sheath on my left hip, the red handle gleamed slightly with the magic I fed into it. I grabbed my breastplate and buckled it around my breasts. "Let's go."

=====================

Azriel held onto me tightly as we flew to my father's estate. He was tense and I felt his shadows roaring around him. I knew he was anxious, so I laid my head on his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you," he whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek in return.

Cassian flew next to us and said, "Stop it, you love birds, or I'm going to throw up,"

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around Azriel's neck as he banked lower. We were almost there. I could see the vines covering the house that I used to call my prison. It wasn't my prison anymore, I get to say what is my prison and what isn't from now on. This estate was not my prison anymore.

"Alright," I said to myself as we landed on the porch. It was just as I remembered it to be. The door was painted maroon, the first step creaked when we walked on it and my mother's rocking chair was still there as we approached the porch. It was ugly here, the only beautiful thing here was the rocking chair that had paintings of my handprints as a kid on them.

My mother had said when I was five that she wanted something to remember me by if I ever was swept off my feet by my mate. That was the day I learned of mates and what they meant. I even had the birds and the bees talk with her on that chair when I was ten. All of that was before my father found out about my powers and locked me away at sixteen.

Cassian knocked on the door when I asked him to. It took a while before my mother opened the door.

At first, I was surprised, then I was furious. She did not look like her usual happy self even though she was smiling. Her once golden hair was now dull and slightly matted, her once gorgeous blue eyes now were missing their sparkle and she looked like she hadn't eaten a good meal in days, maybe weeks. Maybe years.

"Oh, General Cassian, how may I help you?"

Even her voice sounded dull, and not sweet and full of honey as it used to be.

I wasn't going to only hurt my father, I was going to kill him for breaking the strongest person I know.

"Momma," I whispered and her head whipped towards me. Her blue eyes instantly filled with tears as she took a shy step toward me.

I closed the distance between us and pulled my mother into a hug. I made sure not to hold her too tight or else I could break her more than she has already been broken. I was crying along with her as I held her and took in her familiar scent. She may not be my real mother, but she is still my mother. She was the one who bandaged my knee when I had fallen out of a tree when I was climbing at seven, she was the one who wiped my tears and sat and ate a whole pint of ice cream when I had my first heartbreak, she was there when I had my first bleeding at seventeen. She was there for me when my real mother wanted nothing to do with me.

"Oh, Thalia, where have you been?" My mother asked as she cupped my face in her boney hands and wiped my tears away.

"Can I come in? I'll tell you everything."

==============

My mother sat quietly as she took everything that I had told her in, tears were streaming down her face as she held my hand to the point of breaking. Cassian and Azriel were on the other side of the room, by the windows to watch for my father who hadn't come home yet. They were standing guard, but I would never tell my mother that.

"I knew you weren't my daughter," My mother suddenly said. She stayed staring at her lap, but her thumb caressed the back of my hand. "When your father came back from Under the Mountain all those years ago with you in his arms, just a little babe, I knew I had to treat you as my own. He never really wanted you, but he knew you would grow to have powers one day.

"I knew you weren't mine, but every child deserves a mother, and when you showed up, so small with those golden eyes — I knew you were supposed to be mine. You were born on Starfall and the birthmark on your collarbone always glowed when it was Starfall, that's when Leon knew that you would have powers. He was furious and wanted to kill you, but I wouldn't let him. I—I had stopped him the night he went into your nursery with a poisoned bottle to kill you in your sleep.

"I was the one who said that you would be hidden and you wouldn't be able to practice magic when you got them. Leon still wanted you dead, but at the time, we were newly mated, and ... we had wanted a child. I can't have children, you see, so Leon decided that we would keep you."

I wiped my cheeks with my free hand and sat closer to my mother, laying my head down on her shoulder to show her I was there for her. I didn't blame her, not one bit.

"When you were sixteen and you came into power, your father went into a rage and almost killed you,"--- she took in a shuddering breath. I remembered that night—"When he almost killed you, I couldn't take it anymore and let him lock you away in your old room. I didn't care at the time, because as long as you were alive, I was happy. But two years ago when he blocked you completely out from the world, he wouldn't let me see you, and I was heartbroken."

She sobbed and took a moment to continue.

"Then you ran, and that's when it started. He began to turn his anger onto me, locked me away from going outside, fired all of the servants and posted guards all around the estate, posted the wanted posters, and sent guards after you to kill you. I was terrified of what he was going to do to you, so I let him take all his anger out on me because it was better than him going after you himself and killing you."

When she finished, she sobbed and collapsed into my arms, I shushed her and ran my hands through her matted hair. I let my light caress her, let my darkness fill her lungs with air so she could breathe better. It took her a while but when she calmed down, she let go of me and gripped my face.

"I'm happy you found sanctuary in the High Lord," she said and I smiled at her. "I'm glad you have a father who cares, but you need to talk to him, okay?"

"Okay, I will," I said. I had already planned to talk to Rhysand after this.

Suddenly, the door burst open and my father came in.

============

Azriel and Cassian instantly had their blades drawn, but I held up my hand as I stood from the couch. I stepped in front of my mother, hiding her with my wings.

"Who the hell are you?" Leon said as he stared at me.

That's right, he may not recognize me because I looked different with my black hair and two-colored eyes.

"It's Thalia," I snarled. "What a disappointment, you can't remember your daughter,"

"Why are you here?" Leon said, reaching for his dagger,

I drew out Synthiax and pointed it at him. "Me and you need to talk."