𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧 **𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐮𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫**

not a big deal

Eloise left the class and went to her locker, Tristan running behind her laughing. "Look who got hot headed today, you should have seen yourself, you looked like those cartoon characters with the smoke coming out of their ears. It was absolutely hilarious," he said, almost out of breath. Eloise looked at him, expressionless, and then turned back to her locker. His face simply crinkled and he whispered, "What's the matter?" 

"Nothing," Eloise said, her voice cold and solemn. "E, just tell me what's wrong!", he said. 

"I didn't get to finishing checking my test, I know I didn't get some of them right and I spent so much time yelling, I didn't get to check it," Eloise said, her eyes watery.

"So what, E? It's not a big deal, you'll have other things to cover it," Tristan said, leaning closer to the locker to see her face.

"It is a big deal. It's a big deal for me, I can't just go home with any grade. I need my grades to stay perfect, I need to remain a face for this school, I care. I need to ensure that I did well, I can't just get an okay grade," Eloise spat out, a tear sliding down her face. 

Tristan truly felt pain for the first time in a long time. Seeing Eloise cry really sparked a fire in him to be honest, he felt her pain not just through seeing her, but through her voice. Her pained voice, she had that voice when she lost her favorite pen in 8th grade, she had that voice when she phoned him up, crying over her mother not letting her go to the 8th grade prom because her mother found it stupid to immerse in such a casual, unnecessary "game", and even when her cat died last year. It hurt Tristan emotionally, sure, but also physically, it was like his heart was being just snatched out. He could feel her pain through each word and tear.

Tristan cupped her face with her hand and used his thumb to wipe her tear away. Eloise just gulped back and looked through her locker for her pills. "Go to lunch, I don't want you waiting up for me," she said still looking.

Tristan looked at her and tilted his head, and then said, "How about I go to my locker and get my stuff, and then I come back and we go together. You wouldn't want a smelly kid trying to make a pass at you." 

Eloise laughed and then said, "Fine, I'll wait but you can take your time, I don't mind." Tristan laughed and ran down the hall to his locker. Eloise watched him turn down the hallway to his locker and quickly popped 2 pills into her mouth. She took a water bottle and drank them down one at a time. She took a deep exhale, her eyes closed, waiting for the things to kick in and looked at the pill bottle, flinging it into her locker. She took one more than usual because she was starting to feel the pills not even working, but after being on them for so long, the effects were bound to wear off. Eloise sometimes forgot why she even was given them in the first place, it was to decrease her appetite at first but then it calmed her anxiety down, it made her feel invincible, not high, but numb.

It made her feelings feel unreal and barely there, almost invisible. She liked the feeling of not feeling anything more than one could ever know. She practically thrived off of it since she was young, so it's no surprise she feels nothing without them at times.  

Eloise just stared into her mirror and put up a smile, her perfect, crooked smile and then it dropped and she just took in her features. 

"Hey, earth to Irvine?", a voice finally says, Tristan walking closer and waving his hand at her.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go to lunch," Eloise said, Tristan putting his arm around her shoulders as she said it.

"You know, sometimes I worry about you, Irvine," Tristan says, and Eloise rolls her eyes at this and responds, "I assure you there is nothing to worry about."

Tristan gives a small "mhm" and watches her look towards the cafeteria. "You know, you can talk to me Irvine." 

"Yes, don't worry about me, and believe me, I would be the first to know if I have a problem." Eloise assured him but Tristan couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. He could feel it.

Unfortunately the world is full of people willing to help us but in the end, who will we turn to when everything is wrong and it's beyond fixture?