╭ ─┉───── • ─────┉─ ╮
xxxiv.
downward spirals
╰ ─┉───── • ─────┉─ ╯
tw: suicide, self harm, violent thoughts, and brief alcoholism
italics indicate thoughts in this chapter
•••
Was it my fault? Was it my fault that everything went wrong? No, maybe it wasn't. But you were the one that got captured when we went to Oba Diah. That's why all this started. Yes, it was your fault. But don't blame yourself. Maybe it was out of your hands. No. If you had been more careful during that day none of this would've happened. We wouldn't have had to go to Bracca, we wouldn't have been tracked by Crosshair. This was preventable. This is all your fault.
"No."
Yes.
"No!"
Yes.
"Stop it, stop stop stop!" Omega whisper-yelled, bringing her knees to her chest and covering her ears with her hands. She knew it wasn't going to stop anything, but still. She sat in the gunners mount, trying to get sleep, but nothing was working. The voices in her head wouldn't stop.
It's your fault. Don't convince yourself otherwise.
"It isn't. This was going to happen whether we liked it or not."
It was preventable. You could've saved the team a lot of pain. It's your fault that Hunter got an addiction to alcohol. It's your fault Tech got poisoned. It's your fault Wrecker is dead. It's all your fault.
She bit her lip, trying to make the voices stop.
Just cut, another voice in her head told her. It'll ease the pain. It's not like you haven't done it before.
She looked over to the left of her, seeing the knife that she had stolen after Hunter's surgery. The one that Tech told her to wash and put back. She of course washed it, but she didn't put it back. She couldn't. She didn't know when she would need it again.
She put the blade of the knife to her forearm, and cut.
One.
Go again, she thought to herself.
Two.
Again.
Three.
Four.
Five- no.
It wasn't enough. She wanted to cut deeper.
She readjusted her grip on the knife, and started again, this time, digging deeper into her skin.
One.
She bit her lip, trying to resist the pain.
Two.
Deeper.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Keep going.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
Ten.
Other arm now, the voice in her head told her. She almost shook her head in response from being in so much pain from the first one, but she listened and gave in anyway.
YOU ARE READING
aftermath: life debt | the bad batch
ספרות חובבים"You're in life debt. This is only the beginning of the aftermath." A few months after the final battle of Kamino, the remaining five members of the bad batch continue to work for Cid, and make as much money as they can to survive. However, when Ci...
