chasing happiness

chapter fifteen: the terrifying truths of love

The next day came incredibly fast. I took a shower and tried my best to clean up as nicely as possible. I continued to then cleaning the house to keep busy. I was set to leave for his house at 7pm. I packed a small bag of things I would need for the next day, makeup, new clothes, night clothes. I was so nervous but why? I made sure to tell Delilah what I was doing because if anything this would at least aid me in getting on her good side. She agreed wholeheartedly and replied:
"Yes! Take as long as you need. We can always reschedule your flight for a a few hours later."
Although I do not think I will need more time. My flight for Tokyo was set for 1pm the next day. Plenty of time to sleep in and go over to the office for final packings and goodbyes. I did not plan on spending much time at Adams the day after anyways.
I finally brought myself to departure and my security guard drove me to Adam's LA mansion. He greeted me with a goofy smile and warm hug. He looked particularly stunning in a white tee and jeans. Gosh he was so attractive.
We spent the night chatting and watching TV. We started first with a mini Greys Anatomy marathon. Unfortunately for me, after the third one Adam got tired of it.
"Let's go upstairs." He asked.
"But I'm not tired. Plus we are only three in." He didn't argue with me and allowed me to watch another episode. He pulled me in to rest on his chest and I felt his hands wander down my waist.
Before I knew it it was 10pm. Two hours had gone by in a blur. I had managed to prolong the night by another two episodes but then the last segment of our show ended and Adam switched off the tv.
"Now what?" He asked. I had my body resting on the half of his fumbling with the ring he gave me. He was done with TV, clearly.
"Do you want to go to bed?" He asked, his fingers now playing with me hair. I was indeed sleepy but I was too afraid to go with him. So I struggled along to think of ideas we could do to stay awake.
"No let's do something else I'm not tired."
"You said that an hour ago." He remarked.
"But we still have so much to do!" I lied. I had no idea what else to do. I just didn't want him to take me to bed.
"Okay like what?"
"Will you allow me to bake in your amazing kitchen?" I came up with that promptly on the spot.
"Haha of course!"
We walked into his massive kitchen. Thankfully he complied to my idea. He was in an unusually good mood it would seem. I knew what he truly wanted though. Not that he was necessarily pressuring me into sleeping with him but I could sure tell he wanted to.
I pranced around his kitchen looking for the necessary materials to bake cookies with.
I then poured each and every ingredient one by one slowly into a massive steal bowl. I did my best to try and extend the night. Adam was behind me watching. He came over and placed his hands on my waisted and pulled my ass into him. He then leaned down to kiss my neck then whispered in my ear,
"Can I have a taste?"
I happily placed a small chunk of cookie dough on his nose causing us both to laugh.
I put our delicious cookies in the oven and Adam pulls me back to the couch to sit and wait for them to finish. He motioned for me to sit on his lap but instead I take a seat next to him. I feel his large hands run over my legs.
"Is there something wrong?" He asks. I guess he finally noticed I was not myself.
"Um no." I said timidly.
"Something you're not telling me..?" He knew I was avoiding it, didn't he.
"I can't help but feel you've been avoiding me a bit tonight." He finally confessed. "Are you afraid to stay the night?"
"No."
"You don't want to sleep with me don't you?"
"I should probably go check the cookies." I quickly sat up but he caught my hand.
"Taylor please."
I sat back down. He encompassed me a hug.
"I not pressing you into doing anything you don't want to babe. I get it if you're too uncomfortable."
"No it's not that it's just-" I can't finish. But I think he knew. Of course I did not want to sleep with him it was the last memory I had of Harry that was truly ours. It was the one thing I shared with him and no one else. And I know I had not seen him in years and that he had well moved on, I could not help but feel like sleeping with another man would be the most brutal betrayal.
"It's okay. I'm not going to do anything you don't want to." He held me tighter.
"Thank you." I breathed into his shirt.
The silence lasted but only for so long. The timer rang and I went to take the cookies out from the oven. We both enjoyed a steamy warm cookie together. Adam then sat me on top of the kitchen counter and pulled me in. I leaned down to kiss him. His lips tasted of warm chocolate and him. It was the most delightful thing in the world. I began to kiss him again and again. I felt his hands climb up from my waist. He was slowly beginning to get turned on as was I. I leaned in closer until he was holding me in his strong arms, our kisses still unbroken.
He carried me up the stairs and into his massive bedroom. I had not been in here since the day we first kissed. Now I could not stop.
He lowered me to the bed and we both came crashing down laughing as we clumsily pressed our lips together.
I then slid my hands up his shirt as an attempt to get him to take it off. I was so turned on by him. I wanted him physically. He gladly did so and pulled away from our kiss. My lips were already beginning to swell from the immense attention.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked afraid I was going to beak down on him again.
"Yes are you?"
"You know I've wanted this for like weeks."
We began to kiss again this time much more passionately and heated. I fell to the bed and Adam crawled on top of me. He began to let his hands roam up to my chest which made me tense. The adrenaline rush it gave off felt good but I was still apprehensive.
Adam was so full of lust. He continually kissed me and his hands soon left my chest for the zipper of his jeans. It was then I pulled away from him for the first time.
"Wait. Do you know what you are doing?" I asked. My words echoed through the soft stillness of the night. Adam still had his hands cupping my face and his eyes shown deep with lust.
"You mean, sleeping with you?" He asked, confused as to why I was backing out after just saying I wouldn't.
"No, deeper than that. Adam, this is so much more than that."
His eyes searched mine intently. I knew he knew that. I just wanted to make sure.
"Maybe it's best you just don't." I said, my mind was spinning with thoughts. I was a mess. Here I go again completely contradicting and changing moods in a matter of seconds. Was I truly going to expose Adam to all that? And I don't mean physically. Having him see me naked was one thing. I was talking about everything that came after. The commitment to date each other. To find love within our new lust. I, of course, knew of the deeper meaning behind intercourse but did he?
"Don't what?" Concern spread across his face.
He looked so beautiful, I hated to ruin the moment but I just couldn't do this anymore. I was so fed up with play pretend. I did feel things for Adam. And I was tired of playing all tough. I finally spilled.
"Don't do this. Don't date me, for real. I'm a mess. I act like I know what I'm doing but I don't. I'm a complete failure when it comes to stuff like this. My life is only going to get worse and you don't want to have to pick up the broken pieces of someone like me."
"Taylor," Adam reached for my hand.
"Listen, you are not a mess. You are just freaking out right now because you're scared. So what life has fucked you up. It has to everyone. I signed up for be your "boyfriend" because I genuinely care about you. From the day I first heard your name you have always been someone of interest to me. You are beautiful and I'm a dick and maybe who knows we are meant for each other. I am doing my best to change. Why? Because I want to make you happy. I honestly care about you."
Tears sparked my eyes with his sweet words. His eyes spoke directly to mine and I swear I could hear our hearts beating in sync with one another. He was right, he was a complete jerk. And I had been a jerk to him. Maybe we were meant for each other. I leaned in to kiss him. I kissed him in the most genuine way I could. When we broke he smiled.
"I think I might be falling in love with you... And it scares me."
"Honestly Taylor, you contradict yourself more than anyone I have ever met."
We both giggled. It was true one moment I was expressing love to Adam the next calling him out. I was so at war with my heart I had no idea what to think anymore.
"I have no idea what to think anymore." I finally confessed.
"Then don't think at all." He said slyly pulling me into his lap. We kissed again repeatedly.
"Now are you sure you want to do this? You won't change your mind for the hundredth time on me?" He said looking up at me with a smirk.
"Im not thinking, remember?" I smiled down at him before kissing him again.
This time our kiss lasted and turned into a makeout session. I kissed him passionately as I did what he had advised- not think too hard about it. With that in mind I let the night carry me away. I felt his hand slid underneath my tee shirt as they worked their was up to my chest. I kissed his neck as I felt him bury his face into my hair and run his fingers along the inside of my bra. He smelt so good. Of a deep ocean scented cologne. He gently lifted my shirt over my head I think I heard him give a soft gasp. He was so full of lust it caused me to blush.
"You have much bigger boobs than you let on." He said, obviously trying to alleviate the awkwardness that came with the first go.
I giggled. "I save the special stuff for the special people." I joked. He couldn't take his eyes off me. And I must admit I loved it. The attention I was receiving was unparalleled.
"May I?" He asked permission for the next move and I nodded my head. I wanted to run and hide I was flushed red with embarrassment. But I decided against it and allowed him to unhook my bra.
"You are so beautiful." He breathed. He then pulled me in and then I was finally allowed to bury my head into his neck and hide. His bare chest against mine had its own adrenaline rush of emotions. He was so strong and his frame so comforting.
We sat there for quite some time. I allowed him to touch me where he please and was repaid with affectionate kisses in every which place.
The rest of the night went this way. In a haze full of love and lust. Making love to him was an experience I had not foreseen to be so charming and romantic as it had turned out. What I said was indeed true. I think I was falling in love with him. And it was terrifying.

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Sorry this chapter is so long!!! Hope you enjoyed it though! PLEASE LEAVE SWEET COMMENTS ON WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT TAY AND ADAM NOW