chasing happiness

chapter twenty: intimacy without touch

I picked up my old acoustic guitar. I dusted it off and sat it on my lap in the middle of the room. I had not played in awhile but I knew it was my best soothing mechanism. I let my fingers run along the strings and contemplate what to play. Without my thought I broke into an old tune. It was a song titled 'sad' by maroon 5 I had learned to play a while ago. I hummed along as I felt my fingers quickly rotate from a G position to C. It was fairly simple. Simple enough to let my mind wander as I played. The song was originally a piano set but the acoustic was just as pleasing. I caught myself singing along by the second verse
"Oh and I'm scared to death that there may not be another one like this." I inhaled the words to the song. It was so terribly true. Whenever I got a taste of love I spent all my time trying so hard not to fuck it up. I was scared to death. Scared I would not have another chance. I never meant to lash out at him. He was trying so damn hard to be nice to me when all I did was push him away and roll my eyes at his effort to love me. It was rather pathetic on my part. And now when I finally give in to my emotions I mess it up. Typical. I was so immersed in my strumming I had not even noticed when the door open. I completed the set and finished quietly singing the end of the last chorus when I looked up to see him in the door. I jumped a bit at his appearance.
"What are you doing here?" I breathed not entirely angry, more startled. How did he get in exactly? It was almost one in the morning.
"I'm sorry, I did not want to disturb you. You sounded beautiful."
I watched as he came and sat down across from me and my guitar on the cold wooden floor.
"Couldn't sleep. I feel so bad."
"Me too." I looked deep into his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I should never have done that."
"It was not your fault. It was all me, and how rude and careless of me to blame my guilty actions on you. I'm sorry."
There was a bit of silence.
"Do you play often?" He asks motioning to my guitar.
"Depends, I like to think of it as my go to stress reliever."
I sat up and placed the guitar back in its small dusty corner. I had no eagerness to keep playing. I did not want to play for him. I walked wearily back to my bed and collapsed exhausted onto the mound of pillows. Adam followed and sat down next to my sprawled out frame. I lay on my stomach my face in the pillows. I felt him trace the spine of my back with his fingers.
"Arguing is so stupid. I do not want to be mad at you." I confessed, my voice muffled by the pillows. I heard him suppress a laugh. I felt the bed move as he came to lay down next to me. His long frame so much more bulkier than mine. I finally disclosed my face and turned to face him. He had his chin resting on his folded arms contently staring back at me.
"You could have any girl you want. Why me?"
He paused and smiled back as if saying you don't know the answer?
"Because not every girl treats me the way you do. You at least treat me like a person. Not someone's little money trophy. And I won't ever have to worry about you liking me for money or fame because I know you already have more than I do. I appreciate the way you treat me like I'm someone, not someone's."
I was content with his answer. He did not try to make me out to be something I was not or either sexualize me in anyway saying I was hotter than those other girls. If he had said that then he would probably be lying granted there were plenty of hotter girls out there. It sparked my interest at his last train of thought though. Treating him as a someone. It never occurred to me really the way I treated him. I knew it was mostly unfair on my part but he did not seem to think so. Of course he was right, the last thing I wanted him for was for his money. I already made more than half of what he did. I kind of did sympathize for him a little though. He was so use to being played, my nonchalant attitude to let him do as he pleased was a rarity to him.
"You know I barely know anything about you." I said. He was a mystery. It was unfair to us both having to love someone you knew nothing about.
"What is it you want to know?" He said quietly. I could hear the humming of the room. It was so silent yet so electric.
"Anything."
"Alright then," he paused to think our eyes still held their gaze however.
"Before I became a professional producer and DJ I wanted to become a pro football player." He confessed. I could not help but laugh. It was silly only because that was every young boy's dream. He just smiled back at me.
"You defiantly have the body for it." I said meaning for it to be taken as a compliment.
"What is your family like?" I asked next wanting to know more.
"Well my father is a biochemist, but I don't really know what the hell that is." He and I laughed. "I have two older siblings, a brother and sister."
"So you're the baby." I remarked. No wonder I got along so well with him. He may be five years older than me but he was use to being the youngest. Unlike me who was born the oldest in my family. And they do say opposites attract...
"Haha yeah. You have a brother right?"
"Yeah he's two years younger than me." I replied. I was in awe with his gorgeous smile and angelic blonde hair that blanketed his hair and face. Everything about him was beautiful.
"Where did you grow up?" I said, doing my best to continue our lovely conversation. I knew he must be foreign because of his heavy accent but I allowed him do the talking.
"I grew up in Scotland, which is very different from here might I add."
"Ah so that's where your accent comes from." I breathed. A smile spread from both our faces. His was simply contagious.
We talked about our pasts and grew in that connection. He had plenty of funny stories being the youngest growing up and I shared my stories of living on a farm. His eyes shown like the stars. They held their own galaxies within. He then shuffled his folded arms from beneath his chin so that his hand could extend outward. It met mine in between our faces and I latched on to his strong paw-like hand. I gave his beautiful face one last look before I fell asleep holding his hand.

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Chapter twenty damn I need a life...
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