Love Grows (Love series: book 3)

Chapter 30.

Scott

Placing my hand on the doorhandle, not moving an inch to open the door. When Gail came to get me, to tell me that Ella was ready to see me. I didn't know how to respond to that, I want to see my wife more than anything, but I'm also terrified that she won't be my wife, if that even makes any senses at all.

I've spent weeks fearing that I would lose her, that I would have to go on with my life and with our kids without her by my side through it all.

And that was unbearable to think about, but I never thought this what we're facing right now was ever a possibility at all, I don't know how to face this, how to approach the situation.

I never thought for a second that Ella would wake-up and not remember me, or us and the life that fought to build together.

The doctors are optimistic that her condition will improve, and her memories will come back over time, but nobody can predict that for sure, can they? And even if they do come back, we don't know how long it could take. Days, weeks, months or even longer. I don't know how to handle that; I'm scared that she will take one look at me and only see the old version of me.

The one who hurt her, left her... broke her heart. The asshole who didn't care about anything for years until I got my act together, fought to be a better man.

I don't want to look into her beautiful green eyes, only to see hatred and anger towards me. I don't think I could survive that.

Pulling away from my thoughts and sighed, before pressing down on the door handle and pushed the door open slightly.

Take a few steps into the room as my eyes automatically turn to where Ella is sitting up in the hospital bed. Eyes wide open.

I've waited and prayed for this moment for weeks; I just didn't expect to fear it.

"Hi" I pulled out of my own head when I hear her voice.

Moving my eyes to her and took a few more steps into the room, all while trying to give her space.

"Hi" I echoed back to her, unsure of what to say or how to even act around her. I don't want to spook her, and as much as I want to run to her I can't, and I have to remind myself that she doesn't know this version of me anymore.

"My mom told me that you're my husband" Ella says gently to me,

nodding my head and sighed sadly.

"I am. Our first wedding anniversary will be coming up in November."

"I can't process any of this. You and me, Remi. The babies, it's like I'm a stranger looking at someone else's life, when it's actually my own life" she whispers to me.

Shaking my head and took a seat on the chair next to her bed, keeping my focus on her.

"It's just going to take time Ella. The doctors are hopeful that it will all come back...it's just going to take time baby" I whispered the last part.

"I'm scared that it won't. I've been looking through the pictures my mom gave me. Of you and me with Remi, a perfect happy family, and pictures of the twins. And there's these little fuzzy images, that are like flashbacks. But I don't remember-:" she broke off crying, grabbing her hand gently without hesitation and kissed it softly.

"It'a okay Ella. You have to give yourself time to heal. You've only just woke up, things are going to be fuzzy and confusing right now for you. And I'm here for you anytime you need me, but I'll also respect your space while you figure all this out" I gently replied to her.

Reassuring her that what she's feeling is okay. I'm going to be here for her as much as she will let me, but as much as it pains me to say it, I will also give her the space that she needs too.

Because realistically in this moment I'm kind of a stranger to her.

"I'm sorry" Snapping out of my thoughts when I hear her words, throwing my eyes to hers.

"Baby this isn't your fault, it's just something that nobody saw coming but it will get better-;" I cried.

"I don't remember us or our life. Will you tell me about it?" She softly asks me.

"Didn't your mom tell you?" I asked her confused. While placing her hand back down, I don't want to make her uncomfortable.

"She told me about you and the twins but I want to know about the moments only we will know"

"I don't know where to start there's so many-;" I broke off with a smile on my lips, as I think back to our life these last few years, the moments that we have shared together.

"Since getting back together our date night has certainly changed" I smile at her as I think about our weekly routine together that we call a date night.

"How do you mean?" Ella asks with a curious smile.

"Ever Saturday night without fail since we became a family. We get Remi settled in bed, then you and me curl up on the couch together. With beer, wine, ice cream and chocolate. And we binge watch Grey's Anatomy" I announce with a smile, as I watch as shock and amusement flicker through her eyes.

"I can now say I know my Mcdreamy from my Mcsteamy. And I won't lie, a tear did fall when George, Lexi, Mark and Derek died. And when Christina and Alex left-:" I broke off when Ella busted out with laughter.

Feeling my own smile as I watch tears leak from her eyes as she laughs so hard, as I talk about myself knowing that much about Grey's Anatomy.

Shaking my head and chuckling, I don't care that I watch that show as much as I do. Because spending those nights with her on the couch are the best nights of my life, I would watch Grey's Anatomy and supernatural and whatever other shows she wants, a thousand times over just to spend those moments with Ella.

"Are you being serious right now? I mean the old Scott would barley watch a girly movie with me-:" she says through each laugh. Nodding my head in confirmation.

"Yeah, well that Scott was an asshole" I mumbled; Ella stopped laughing as the room fell silent around us.

"You do seem different...definitely older" Now it was my turn to chuckle, I'm definitely feeling older these days.

Taking her hand in my mine gently once again, hoping that she doesn't flinch away this time either. After a few second when she doesn't, I look at her again.

"I am different but me saying that doesn't mean much to you. You're still recovering, you don't have the new memories off me back yet-;" I broke off, trying to find the right words to say to her.

"This won't be easy, until your memories come back. You need to get to know me again, trust this me. And at times it's going to be frustrating and overwhelming, when that happens, I want you to tell me and I will respect that I will need to go at your pace, I won't like it, but I'll understand it"

"Okay..." She whispers and squeezes my hand softly with a smile.

"Do you have any more questions" I ask her.

"What are the twins names?" She replies, locking my eyes on her.

"I only know our daughter's name" I answered, just as Ella looks at me confused.

"We had this deal. That whoever guessed the baby's gender right at birth picked the name, you were convinced it was a boy and had the perfect name. I was convinced that it was a girl, so we both picked a name without telling the other-:" I cut off and took a breath before carrying on.

"And each ordered a personalised baby blanket with our chosen name on, pink and blue and I gave mine to Oliver, you gave yours to Amanda. At the time though we had no idea we would get to use them both, we didn't know it was twins until they were born" I finished.

"Have you gave the blankets to the babies?" She asked me. Shaking my head.

"No they still have them at their house. I didn't want to reveal their names without you with me" I answered.

"Thank you. For waiting for me" she says. Lifting her hand to my lips and kissed the side of her hand softly.

"Thank you for coming back to us"