Legend (MxM)

Chapter IX

Back at Maverick's place, I allowed Maverick to clean up a couple of scrapes on the palms of my hands. He checked out my head which I was currently holding a bag of frozen carrots to. The left side of Maverick's eye was starting to bruise. My hands stung like hell but I refused to complain.

When he was done, he let me check him out. He was in better shape than I was but his hands were a little worse off than mine. It's easy to forget the damage you can do to yourself when you harm another human being. His face gave nothing away when I took turns on each of his hands. I held a damp but clean cloth against his knuckles to absorb the blood, which wasn't much. Thank god.

I tried not to notice the way he casually watched me. He didn't stare but he did say, "I was in high school when I started experimenting. For the longest time, I thought I was just into girls. They were easier to get to. I don't just mean in a sexual manner. It wasn't until I was 16 going on 17 when I got my first kiss." I found myself looking at him. The air felt charged at first. Like there was a mixture of electricity with heat. His bathroom wasn't exactly large but it suddenly felt a lot smaller. "I just knew."

I found myself gazing into his eyes, which was like an abyss. I couldn't see the bottom, just an endless array of unsaid words. I saw he was gazing back but I had no idea what he saw in mine. We could kiss if we wanted to. The thought sobered me up that I had to gulp a little to get my voice back.

"My first experience was when I was 15." I went back to checking the damp cloth. It was looking better. "There was no actual penetration and one of our mutual friends walked in on us. We were in her living room after all."

"You're kidding?"

"Alas, I was not." When he laughed at me, I thought about swatting him but I thought against it. "Honestly, I even had somewhat of a wild phase. Hey, stop laughing!" He didn't but he did quiet down a bit. "It was a very short phase. I'd only been with a couple of other guys in the midst of this, but I always felt dirty after. Like, it just wasn't for me."

"I thought you were in a relationship." When I looked confused, he clarified, "You said you got out of a 7 year relationship and you're what? 23?"

I found myself unable to look at him. I started to run the water again and placed the damp cloth under the warm water.

"I'm sorry."

"I try not to think of him too much. I guess." I knew he was looking at me, not demanding but he was very open for me to continue. I was sure he wanted to say something though. So I said it. "He was in the closet, remember? There had to be a cover."

"That is... really-"

"Fucked up." I finished for him and started to gently rub at his knuckles with the cloth. "Yeah. I agree." I felt my spirits dip.

"I'm sorry." He said again and I knew he was feeling like shit about it. Which in turn, was making me feel more like shit. "We should go to Navy Pier. Soon."

That surprised me for some reason. I think he meant to throw me off and steer the conversation away from such an unhappy topic. Which made me appreciate him more. I found myself able to look at him. Had he moved closer? I could almost feel his breath. His soft lips were parted slightly, his dark eyes, I still had trouble reading them. He was so guarded.

Seconds felt like minutes.They stretched and soon, I had to say something, but he said something instead. "I remember you said you'd never been."

"Your memory is impeccable."

"Thanks, I'll accept the compliment." Now there was a light in his eyes and I was sure we were close. Too close but I don't think he noticed this. I should draw back. I should not, I could not, I wasn't ready. My heart. It. Shattered. Shattered enough that it felt like glass shards. I couldn't let myself. I can't go through the loss again.