Legend (MxM)

Chapter XIX

Maverick must have sensed it when I started to get too deep in my head. We were lightly jogging when his shoulder bumped into mine. I first looked at him like what the fuck, but his smile made his intentions pretty clear. It was another stark reminder, he was the type of person I'd laugh with until we think we might both die from it. His playful smile reminded me of a time back in Colorado and Chicago. No matter where he was, or wherever we were, it felt like home.

I returned the nudge with my shoulder using the same gentleness and almost fell since we were on the way down a hill. I noticed the way he almost tried to wrap his arms around me but I dodged him. He nudged me again and so I nudged him again. Then I ran.

He did not let me win.

Since the land out here had a lot of hills, I could tell that Maverick was tiring out. I tried to keep up the best I could. He was just better at this than I was. Every time I started to fall behind, I noticed the way he'd slowed down, like meant to retie a shoelace. Then he would come back to my side.

It was when we stopped at the top of a hill, I knew Maverick was itching to ask me something. As expected, he didn't beat around the bush. "Are you sure you don't want to tell me something?" His smile was almost carefree again. He wasn't going to let this go. "I want you to feel like you can tell me anything." I could tell he was going to say more but he stopped himself in time.

"Whatever's currently weighing heavy on you, we can all see it." I noticed the way he started to sort of shake his leg. Like he had this feeling he couldn't shake off. I realized I was going to have to get better at guarding my thoughts, lest I drag the entire group down. "I know you already said you're not ready. We talked about this minutes ago but I don't feel comfortable letting you carry this. Does Thom at least know?"

Well, he certainly had me there. He did not smile in victory, nor did his concern deepen. It was like my face or lack of an immediate answer was enough of a confirmation. So I tried to joke. "Are you sure you're not psychic?"

He did not back down. "I'm a Scorpio, remember? Kyra said my people are experts with our intuition."

"She must be rubbing off on you. I thought you didn't believe in zodiacs."

"I don't." He said. "But that doesn't mean I can't prod my friend when I know he's going through something kind of heavy."

"I appreciate that." Here it goes. It was now or never. The longer I put this off, the worse it was going to get. Like when I went bungee jumping with Avery. I remembered grasping the handlebars that were on each side. There was nothing but empty air of a chasm right before me. My hands were sweating a lot and I remembered hearing the instructor tell me to go, but I couldn't get my body to move.

"Never forget how far you've come." Avery said this and though it didn't get me to jump, it was enough to make me think of the long way we'd come so I coil face my fear or heights. I thought of the long trek we made to get up here and my fear only mounted more.

That was when the instructor told me how it was only going to get worse the longer I stayed put. It did not take long for me to realize the truth. I did not get over my fear of heights but I did jump. I also survived. Just like I knew I would survive this if things did go horribly wrong.

I only wished I had more bravery when I took this metaphorical jump. One deep breath. Two deep breaths. Don't fear rejection. You will be alright.

With a short breath, I began. "Look, I know by the look on your face that isn't going to be what you're going to want to hear." I stopped noticing the way his eyes honed in. Like the pieces were starting to fall into place. "And I'm sorry." Instinctively, I crossed my arms and had to look away. Mason didn't. "We can't help the way we feel."