Beautiful Mistake [a Roman Reigns story]

24 I can't

Roman POV

I can't... I can't... I can't. Again and again these words echoed through my mind as I drove around for hours without a destination. By now it was late into the night and I knew that I would have to return home at some point. But I didn't know if I would even be able to do that.

How could I even look Lily in the face after this? I couldn't even answer the phone when she called me countless times. Nor did I read the many messages. They probably would have just been excuses. I didn't want to hear them. I had thought that we were on the same page as far as the future was concerned. But I was clearly wrong.

Even though I didn't want to admit it to myself, I knew that part of my anger and pain was because my pride was hurt. It hurt that she did not want to become my wife.

What the hell had happened?

With a frustrated grumble, I finally made my way home. It was not as if I had any other choice. During the drive I thought about how it would go on or how it could go on at all. Could it go on? Or would I lose Lily again and this time Maya as well?

I parked the car and took a deep breath before getting out. After locking the car, I walked slowly, hesitantly, up the path to the door.

With my eyes closed, I paused for a moment. Then, finally, I unlocked the door. It was dark and quiet. Just as it was to be expected. But somehow I had a bad feeling about it.

And this bad feeling was confirmed when I came into the bedroom. I had expected to find Lily asleep. But the bed was empty. Nothing indicated that she had slept in it at all. Instead, there was a letter on the bed. I took it in my hand and reluctantly opened it.

Roman, I know how disappointed and hurt you are. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I would have explained it to you, but I can also understand that you need time. I'm going away with Maya for a few days. It'll give you space and time.

I'm sorry... I am so, so sorry. I love you and I hope that one day you can forgive me. Call me whenever you're ready to talk. I'll be waiting. Day and night.

xo Lily

P.S. I didn't say no, Ro... I said I can't.

Once again, she had run away. But this time it was probably the right thing to do. Because she was right. I needed time and the space. Part of me was itching to call her, to hear her voice.... But another part was indescribably pissed. The ring in my pocket suddenly felt so heavy. Like it was pulling me into the deep where the darkness could swallow me up.

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The next day I picked up the children and spent time with them. It was difficult for me to behave normally. But I probably didn't do a very good job. The fact that I hadn't slept all night didn't help a bit either.

"Are you okay, Dad? Where are Maya and Lily today?" asked Jojo at one point as she sat down next to me.

"They went away for a few days. Don't worry about it." I replied.

"Did you guys have a fight?" she wanted to know.

"Something like that..." I mumbled as I rubbed my hands over my face.

"Come on, Dad... You can talk to me..." my daughter then said as she put her hand on my back.

"All right... I asked Lily to marry me and she said no.... Well... actually, she said 'I can't'." I replied.

"Oh... Oh God... Oh no. I'm... I'm so sorry, Daddy." stuttered Joelle.

There was something odd about that. Not just because she suddenly called me Daddy again. Something she rarely did by now. But because it sounded like she was hiding something and feeling guilty. I knew that tone of her voice very well.

"Jojo.... what did you do?" I asked as I looked at her sternly.

"Me? Nothing!" she squeaked and jumped up.

"Joelle.... What did you do?" I repeated my question. This time I was sure something was going on.

"I... well... I've, erm... asked... Lily... well, kind of asked... not... to... marry... you." she stammered hesitantly.

"You did what?" I replied in a more than painstakingly controlled voice as I was now on my feet as well.

Was that the reason? Lily had let my daughter talk her into something? I couldn't believe it.