Stage 16 - JAMIE FLATTERS

chapter twenty five

TW: MENTIONS OF SA
Footfalls?

I immediately stood up from the ground to quickly turn to see the culprit, hoping it wouldn't be who I thought it was. I sighed when I met the ice cold blue eyes staring right back at me, his breath irregular like he had ran his way here. Both of our bodies frozen in time, looking at each other, taking in the other one's feature like it was the last time we would see them. Appreciate them.

When he finally decided to step closer, I flinched, jerking back and almost stumbling down the rest of the stairs, my head becoming dizzier by the seconds. I needed to get out of here, I couldn't let myself be this vulnerable in front of him but it was starting to be harder to fake that my head wasn't spinning, my breaths weren't irregular and my hands weren't shaking. The panic attack slowly creeping its way up to the lump in my throat, making me nauseous all of the sudden and I felt like I was going to pass out. I could feel Jamie's gaze on me, all of me. His eyebrows arching up and down as he slowly figured out what was happening, picking up the familiar hints he had recognized. Without saying a single word, he finally closed the space between us and in a matter of seconds, I was wrapped in his arms, my face hidden in his chest.

"Focus on my heartbeat." He simply said, causing me to close my eyes and do what he had instructed. His heartbeat was slow and steady, the complete opposite of mine. I focused on it, trying to match my breaths to its rhythm as it slowly calmed me down. That was when I finally understood I would never be able to push him away the way I wanted to. At least, never truly. Which was unusual for me, never did I let someone in like this boy, he brought me immediate comfort. Jamie was like an anchor that kept me from drowning in the sea and I was tired of going against the current. I stepped back from his embrace, his touch slowly moving from my skin that left me with some kind of emptiness. "What's going on, Charlotte? Why have you been so distant with me?" I repeatedly shook my head in answer, fighting my heart that wanted me to confess everything. "I thought you liked me." His voice was much quieter now, like he was embarrassed of saying those words out loud, the unspoken thoughts we both had been thinking since the first we saw each other, we always had been magnetically attracted to the other.

"I do!" I exclaimed louder than I wanted to. "Isn't it obvious?" I sighed, my head gently massaging my temple, wanting to free it from its headache as I awaited for Jamie's reply.

"Then what's going on? What are we waiting for?" He answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, like us being together would erase any problems.

"It's so much more complicated than that." I said, my feet unable to keep still as I started to pace on the platform before the stairs, fleeing his gaze as I looked at anything but him. "It's bigger than just you and me. It's my career, your career, it's Philip, it's Gwen, it's Julia, it's fucking Hawthorne..." My voice cracked at the say of his name.

"What are you even saying?" I could hear the anger and irritation in his voice but I couldn't blame him, I would have been feeling the same way if I was in his position. I was well aware that everything I said didn't entirely made sense but it was the only way for me to keep pushing him away, to keep this secret from breaking out. Jamie kept on talking but for both of our sakes, I tuned him out. My heart internally screaming at my head to let him in. "Charlotte?" I sensed Jamie's hand rest at the bottom of my back, causing me to immediately step away, a sour taste in my mouth as I recalled Hawthorne's disgusting habit of placing his hand at the same place. I didn't know where my head went at the moment but it was like Jamie's hand broke the invisible bottle I had locked in every feelings and inappropriate touches had just broken. The painful memories all crumbling on me, flashing before my eyes as I felt my body succumbed to them, my knees flinching as I quickly fall to the floor. It took a few seconds for the boy to realize what was happening, clearly he thought he had succeeded in calming me down which he kind of did, this was completely different. Nothing like the usual anxiety attacks I had.

"I'm fine." I said, my traits and heart numbed by the overwhelming feelings, tears slowly rolling down my cheeks as I stared into oblivion. Jamie quickly sat in front of me, both of us now on the floor in the middle of the stairwell.

"Talk to me, Char." He said, lifting his arm up to rest his hand on my cheek, catching the tears with his thumb and wiping them away. I leaned my face closer in his hand, desperately wanting the warm he brought me. "What's going on?" He paused before taking a big breath, gathering the courage to say what he truly meant. "What's going on with Hawthorne?" I moved away from his touch to the mention of the man, my heart immediately cooling down, no... freezing, stealing all of Jamie's warmth away. A lump slowly forming at the back of my throat that kept me from regularly breathing, my mouth so dry I could have chugged all of the water in the world and it still wouldn't be enough.

"He's," I choked on my words, an internal battle between my heart and head finally coming to an end as Jamie's presence brought the security I needed to confess. At least, in that moment. I sighed, trying to organize my thoughts in hope of forming some kind of sentence that would make sense. "Ever since the PR event, he's been... he's been very touchy." I breathlessly whispered, with difficulty, the worlds had finally rolled on my tongue and travelled to the boy's ears.

"Did he-" Jamie stopped himself, choking on the word he was about to use, clearly not wanting to say it out loud. Thinking the same thing I did, if we didn't say it, it never happened. Except it did and I was finally acknowledging what had happened but it still didn't mean that it hurt less. I nodded to the unspoken word before quickly wiping away the tears that had wet under my eyes. Jamie's eyebrows scrunched together, his eyes darkened by what I had just revealed to him. He pitied me.

"Don't do that." I said, my voice shaking as more tears threatened to fall on my cheeks. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Jamie cluelessly asked as he watched me standing up from the floor, quickly following by doing the same gesture.

"Like I'm the most fragile thing in the world."I said, my voice slightly shaking as I wished it didn't while it contradicted the words I had just said to him. "Don't pity me." I begged.

"What do you want me to do?" He asked, his voice so gentle like he didn't want to startle me, only comforting me.

"Just take me in your arms." I instructed him which he immediately did. His arms wrapped under mine as I locked my hands behind his head, his scent filling my nose and tingling my lips into slightly turning upwards. Jamie was the first to break our embrace, his arms still around me, he leaned back to scrutinize my face, his eyes now laced with tenderness rather than pity.
"I don't-" His thumb gently caressed my cheek before dropping to my bottom lip making my heartbeat picked up and my stomach twirled in every senses, I thought I was going to throw up. Slowly making me stutter on my words, eventually abandoning the idea of finishing my sentence, my mind completely focused on Jamie as I figured what he was about to do. With his eyes, he asked for the consent Hawthorne never once did, I nodded as an answer. The dark haired boy leaned in before softly placing his lips on mine, kissing them like they were the sweetest thing he ever tasted.

"I would chase ghosts for you every night." He breathlessly said, his big and comforting hands still resting on my face as I stared at him with gleaming eyes. Jamie reassured me with the same words he had once said to a drunken me but now, them now making even more sense. Hawthorne was the ghost that haunted me and I couldn't leave him unscratched. Somehow Jamie helped me seeing that, he made me feel more courageous, he brought me the strength I needed to bring Hawthorne's actions into the light. I slightly smiled before speaking up, "You didn't let me finish before kissing me," Jamie shyly chuckled, both of our cheeks turning a shade darker. "but do you think there's space for me to sleep in your flat?"

"You're staying?" His eyes widened, surprised by my sudden change in my decision, his smile growing bigger as I nodded to him. Jamie grabbed me by the sides of my face, pulling my lips closer to his as we quickly kissed. "I know exactly where you can sleep." He smirked, causing me to roll my eyes at the playful comment, feeling the safest I ever been in weeks.