Shades of Kagan

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Avian Burn's Point of View

I don't know what gotten into me and pulled Kagan inside the University. Pinakita ko lang ang student ID ko sa guard na nagsstay ako sa dormitory dito sa campus at pinapasok naman kaming dalawa. Mabuti na lang at hindi nagsasara itong campus kahit madaling araw na. Nakita ko na lang ang sarili kong nakaupo sa ilalim ng oak tree katabi si Kagan.

On top of us lies a big lichen covered oak tree that looked like it's been there for ages in the middle of the green field. Its veins crisscrossing on the field's soil. Dito ko hinila si Kagan at pareho kaming dalawang nakatingin sa malaking field sa harapan namin. I already let go of his hands and I'm glad that he distance his self to me. Mukha kasing parehas kaming natigilan na dalawa.

Halmeoni's word struck me the most when she was glad that I spent my time with her and now it's my time to live. That's why I thought maybe Kagan needs someone to be with him right now or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, the night is bearable with Kagan by my side. Nakita ko kung paano siya tumingin sa sugat ko sa gilid ng aking braso. He really looked like he doesn't remember what happened. It must be frustrating not knowing. Akala ko ay tatanungin niya kung paano ko nakuha ang aking sugat ngunit buti na lang at di na siya nagtanong pa.

I noticed the bruise on his knuckles, and I don't know where he got it.

What a great pair we make. I scoffed at that thought. One has a dual personality, and one is a killer. Kagan and I make a perfect duo. It's already two in the morning, and the whole field is empty. But the lights are open, so we don't have to worry.

"What are we doing here?" Tanong niya sa akin habang nakatingin pa rin sa kawalam. I didn't even bother glancing at his side. I'm afraid to look at him for no reason.

"I just felt like you need someone to be with you." Lakas na loob na sabi ko. He sighed and didn't complain. When I saw him feeling so lost in his office, I knew I wasn't the only person in the world going through something.

"This big oak tree always intrigued me." Panimula niya at tumingin sa kanyang itaas.

"Why? I mean this is just a tree who happened to be in the middle of the field." Turo ko sa oak tree na nakatayo sa itaas namin dalawa.

"Isn't it the perfect tree to hang yourself?" His words took me aback. I looked at the oak tree again. The tree held out a giant limb crooked as an elbow. A branch is good for hanging yourself.

I was surprised since we both had the same idea when looking at the oak tree.

I pictured a displeasing image of my corpse hanging up from that giant branch, and I could see the hysterical face of the people witnessing my death.

It was an absurd thought.

From my peripheral vision, I saw him look above.

"Do you believe in heaven?" He asked, his voice was throaty as if he's just pushing his self to speak. Kahit ako ay napatingin na rin sa maliwanag na ulap.

"Yes. Just like I believed that there's hell." I felt my heart seize in my chest. He got quiet for a second. I was raised by a religious family, so ever since I was a child, the concept of heaven and hell was introduced to me. But despite that, I didn't grow up being religious. I wasn't spiritual, either. I just believed that an omnipotent figure is the center of all beings.

I believe in the concept of hell; that's why I can't even kill myself. Suicide isn't just for me.

"Do you believe in God?" It's my turn to ask. Tumingin muna siya sa akin bago sumagot.