Shades of Kagan

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Avian Burn's Point of View

"Stop mentioning her name to me, Liam." There was fear in my voice when I heard Emma's name on his lips. He looked at me as if he was blaming me for Emma's death. My hands trembled, and I couldn't seem to breathe properly. Walang nakakaalam ng gabi na iyon. It's only between Emma and me. It was my fault that his first love died. The tension in the air made me hard to inhale some air.

"You seemed like you've moved on already from Emma's death. Isn't she your first love? I know. Good for you. You even got yourself a new girlfriend. What's the point of showing me the stupid letter I gave you four years ago? It was dumb of me to do that." Natatawang sabi ko. Nagdadasal na sana hindi niya mahalata ang rason kung bakit pa ako nagiwan ng liham sa kanya. He seemed like he wanted to know the reason why I gave him that letter. Na parang hindi siya titigil hanggang hindi niya malalaman ang rason kung bakit ko ginawa iyon. I will avoid him at all cost. Lalo na at aalis din kami dito bukas. He will go to his way and I will go to mine. All I need is to clenched my teeth.

Ibinaba ko ang mga kubyertos na hawak ko at agad umalis sa kusina. I left him there, confused as hell. I know all he wanted is some clarifications, but I am refusing to give it to him. Because I am afraid. I noticed that everyone changed but not me. Dahil tulad ng dati, hindi ko pa rin kaya sabihin ang gusto kong sabihin. 

Pataas na sana ako sa hagdan nang makasalubong ko si Kagan. The sight of him made my knees weak. I'm about to trip to the floor of the stairs when he easily grabbed my hands.

"Avian." He called my name softly. He doesn't ask me if I am all right because he already knows the answer. Until now, I am still affected by Liam's presence. I was startled when Kagan carried me in a bridal-style way going upstairs. Dinala niya ako sa kwarto kung saan kami pumunta kanina. My things are already here, too, so Kagan and I will share this room until tomorrow morning. Ibinaba niya ako sa kama habang lumapit sa sliding door at sinarhan iyon. He even covered it with curtains. Maya't maya pa ay bigla na lang itong nagsalita.

"Why do you write, Avian?" Nakuha ni Kagan ang atensiyon ko. Wondering why he opened up the topic that concerns writing.

"I know you're writing for compliance's sake. But I kept wondering why you write?" Bigla akong napalunok at napapikit ang aking mata. Kagan deserves to know the truth. He's helping me, after all.

"I write to voice my feelings out. There's a voice inside my head that keeps on bothering me, slowly eating my wholeness." With a faint voice, I answered.

"Is this why you keep on writing about him?" Napatigil ako sa paghinga. Am I caught? Shit. Now I remember that Kagan read some of my works when I was at his studio. Yes, he's right. I was writing about Liam—the subject of my demise.

"I don't think I can do it Kagan." Bulong ko sa kanya kahit dalawa lang kami dito sa kwarto.

"You two talked?" Tanong niya at pumwesto sa harapan ko. Tumango ako sa kanya. Napahilamos ako sa aking mukha dahil sa nararamdaman kong inis sa aking sarili. How can I able to face him later? If I can only leave right now, then I will. This place is supposed to be fun but it I felt suffocated.

"This will not end, Avian. Unless you started to face it. Walang mangyayari kung hahayaan mo lang ito." Tumaas ang tingin ko kay Kagan na hanggang ngayon ay nakatingin pa rin sa akin.

"Ano ang ibig mong sabihin, Kagan?"

"When you introduced me to halmeoni that midnight, I went to her the following day."

"I heard." Halmeoni already told me that.

"Do you know the reason why I decided to go to the doctor?" Umiling ako.