The Switch {EarthMix}

27.

There was a comfortable silence after their conversation, none of the two feeling the need to say anything, just enjoying the cold breeze and tranquility of the evening. Earth could feel the other scoot a little closer, trying to seek his warmth when then winds started bringing their bodies to shiver, and he couldn't help but gladly offer it, bringing his arms around the other. Their foreheads leaned against one another's both just breathed in and out, anchoring themselves in the situation and dealing with their own feelings about the happenings of the past days.

It seemed to be exactly what they needed, a small oasis at which they could regain some strength, rest their tired muscles and forget about everything, at least for a little while. A propos forgetting... wasn't there... something?

"Fuck... P' Vee"

Mix lifted his eyes to the other and as if a stone had hit water, realisation smashed right into his face. He quickly took out his phone and turned it on again, before giving the oldest a phone call.

"Mix? Mix? Are you okay?" The frantic voice of their friend echoed over the rooftop and Mix couldn't help holding the phone a little away from his ear.

"I'm... we are both okay. I was just needing some time to think and Earth found me... we will go back to his place in a couple minutes... I am so sorry I worried you, " he sad softly and apologetic, carefully sitting up with Earth.

"God... I thought I was gonna die," was the mumbled answer on the other side of the phone, one he probably  wasn't supposed to hear, so he left it unanswered.

"Give us ten..."

"Come back slowly, I need  a shower after running around for two hours, " Vee sighed and with that hung up the phone.

A little baffled, Earth and Mix exchanged a glance, looking at the time in disbelieve. Had they really spent 1,5 hours just laying here and listening to the past? Really? That long?

As if to confirm the suspicion Earth turned his face away from the other, glancing at sky where more and more stars had become visible, considering the light pollution of course, and the moon that was calmly illuminating the night a little bit.

" I always thought... if he and I ever broke up, my heart would feel shattered, " Mix admitted silently, eyes focusing on something in the distance, far far away. "But I don't feel that way at all...  in the first moment... I did. Everything felt like a lie ... the happiness I had found felt like a lie... "

Earth carefully placed his arm around the other's shoulder, giving him a supportive squeeze. He wouldn't rush Mix, wouldn't pressure him... but he would be here, patiently listening to every single word, every single word he wanted to share.

" But after sitting here for a while and thinking about everything... I felt differently. The end of it was long overdue, Vee had been advising me to that for two or three years already. But I wanted to hold onto the idea that someone could love me, that someone could treasure me  - not realising that what I was holding onto destroyed me. I was unhappy every single day, even when I was with Vee I just couldn't shake off those feelings. My happiness was withering away from day to day ... but I was too scared to let go of the lie, to accept what would be best for me even if it hurt. I might sound crazy but... I see this partner-switch and today as a blessing."

Earth couldn't help the surprise his face was displaying when the other turned to him, a soft smile on his lips. Should he say anything? Should he be quiet? He thought about it for a couple minutes  but decided against it, offering with a smile towards the other that Mix could continue, if he wanted.

"Meeting you, even just as a friend, opened my eyes. I could feel myself in the beginning longing to be able to spend time with him in the same way we were able to. Effortless, comfortable, natural. There was no pressure, no need to be someone else or act a certain way in order to be allowed to have each other's time. For you... it was enough for me to be myself, that was the only requirement. And I longed for that, someone that could see me for myself. You taught me that it was okay to express my feelings, my wishes, to express myself openly. It was never as if I was forced to say anything, I could open up in the way I felt comfortable, in my own pace. "

Mix carefully reached out his hand towards Earth's, that was still resting on his shoulder.

"It changed. I stopped longing for those things in relation to him, and instead looked forward to meeting you. Waking up and knowing we would play basketball or spent time together became the island in the middle of the ocean that I needed in order not to drown. That I needed to be able to get through every day that was awful. And at some point... I became curious. How the person must feel that you cared for, that you carried in your heart. If you would look at them the same way I sometimes found myself looking at you, caring about you, treasuring you, " he completed his monologue and carefully looked away from Earth in the distance again.

That he was surprised... was definitely the biggest understatement of the century... or the millenia. Somewhere between surprised, confused, excited, happy and... overwhelmed. All of them were good feelings, of course, but it had been the least likely way to end the day that Earth could have been expecting. It felt surreal enough that he needed to pinch himself to assure himself this was real. He knew he liked Mix, and apparently... Mix felt similarly. Before he answered though, Mix spoke up again with a content smile on his face:

"Those feelings I have for you, that I like you... are the reason that I think it is best if we remain friends for now. After all these happenings... there are a lot of things the two of us have to take care of. The old apartments, finding somewhere to live, exams, our feelings... coming to terms with everything that happened. Jumping into something new suddenly... I wouldn't be able to treat and care for you in the way I would want. And it would be unhealthy, carrying those fresh wounds into a new relationship, becoming someone's partner when I currently wouldn't be able to do it in the way I want. I like you Earth, enough to know that if we give ourselves time to heal, time that we comfortably spend together as friends to get closer... we could have something beautiful. And I would be grateful if, in the future, you could consider my feelings for you and if you could see me as more as a f..."

"Let's stay beside each other and give ourselves the time we need... and then go on a date," Earth said softly and slightly caressed Mix' shoulder, both of them exchanging a content look.

<< Hey... I still exist (lol)

anyway, I have some explaining to do. This chapter is the end of part one of the story " The switch",  kind of where I was gonna make the cut when splitting the story up in two books in order to not make it too long.

The story is going to continue in part 2 with Earth and Mix organising their life after the happenings, slowly healing beside one another and... secret xD. I will also include more flashbacks and stories of the past, explaining Dew's suicide, what happened afterwards etc. Part two will really be a lot about healing: from an abusive relationship, the wounds of the past, learning to love yourself and personal growth, especially for Mix.

This here is just more like to give you closure about the situation and a little foreshadowing of the future, as well as letting you know about my plans. I am deeply sorry for everyone I have disappointed taking so long for an update and it then being this short... but I can't do more than apologising for it and promising that I have 1/3 of chapter 29 or 30 already (I was gonna put it here but found this the best situation to end part 1) as well as one of the throwback chapters that I had written back in 2021 (and might be a chaoter 50 or 55 or something).

Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it. >>