NEGLECTED

Chapter Thirty Five

FFION BRISDEN

I feel him standing behind me, watching me silently as I stare up at the sky, struggling to stop another wave of emotions from rolling down my face. What I want more than anything right now is to be angry with him for the last week, but I can't deny the comfort I feel, knowing he's here, with me, watching out for me. 

God, I hate him.

"What's all the commotion about?" I ask, hearing the squeak of the timber porch under his weight as he moves from behind me. He takes one step down the stairs before sitting down beside me. Side eyeing him, my heart wells with a thousand different emotions at the not so tightly wrapped plate of biscuits now resting on Keaton's leg. There are a few taken off the plate and if I sit quiet and still enough I can hear Keaton chewing beside me. 

God, I love him so fucking much. 

"My hand slipped and your Mum's cake accidentally fell to the floor" I bite back a smile, tilting my head down to look at my lap, rubbing my hands up and down my arms for some warmth on this cold night. Keaton almost immediately notices and shrugs off his jacket, draping it over my shoulders. I sink into the warmth, wondering if I'd fall asleep if I closed my eyes. 

"I'm so sorry, Ffion" Keaton whispers, the side of his thigh pressing against mine as I feel my smile slowly fall from my face at the memory of last week. For a moment I almost forget what happened. But now I was cold again, and even the heat from his jacket wasn't enough to warm me  up. When I don't say anything Keaton speaks again. 

"I'm so fucking sorry, for everything. For the way I reacted, for the way I treated you, for everything I've ever done that's made you sad. But mainly, I'm sorry for making you cry. I never wanted to be someone that makes you cry, sweetheart" Keaton wants to reach out and grab my hand, I can tell by the way his hand is flexing and unflexing against the plate on his leg, but he knows not to, not when I'm not feeling any better. So instead, he leans his thigh against mine more, taking anything he can get. 

"I don't care about the way you reacted. If you'd let me talk-" 

"I know-" Keaton buts in, but I ignore him and keep talking. 

"If you'd let me talk, I would've made it very clear how understanding I was of you getting angry at my assumption. You thought I was doubting you. You thought I was saying that you were using me to make yourself feel better for the moment. But instead of letting me explain, you ignored me, which only resulted in me thinking that's exactly what was going on. I never thought that way once until you decided I wasn't worth your time" Keaton's hand flex's again and I can feel him buzzing beside me, wanting to add his bit, but he doesn't. He doesn't but in, or cut me off, he's waiting cause he knows there's more I want to say and he wants to hear it, because he wants to truly hear me. 

"And the flowers" My voice breaks and I want to pinch myself for it. Keaton lets out a deep breath beside me and when I glance over at him, his eyebrows are set in a hard frown as he stares down at the ground, his knee bouncing. 

"Keaton, I was never doubting you and how you feel about me. I was doubting me. I'm not good enough for you-" Keaton snaps his head up, and instead of letting me talk he buts in. 

"Don't say that, Ffion" I sigh. 

"Keaton, I'm trying to talk-"

"And I respect that, Ffion. I respect you and the fact you want to explain yourself, but the second you start talking yourself down and insulting yourself is the second I cut you off and tell you to shut up" I turn my head and find him already looking at me.