I woke up abruptly from a dream I was having. It was a dream I've had before where Isaac kills himself and it felt more than real this time. I can't help but quickly send Isaac a text. We may be over but I still need to know if he's okay or not. I put my phone back on the table and turn my light off. Being in the dark now often terrified me, so, I turned the TV on.
I laid in bed for at least two more hours. I couldn't fall asleep, so I decided to get up and shower. I didn't want to go to school today but I needed to so I could get caught up. I showered quickly and put my clothes on. I was sick to my stomach and my chest was heavy.
I decided not to eat breakfast because I was scared it might make me even more sick to my stomach. I sat on the couch and watched TV until 7:30. I grabbed my bag and left a note on the counter for my dad. I locked the door and got in the car.
It felt nice outside today. I liked it. The drive to school was quick and I regretted my decisions once I pulled into a parking spot. I saw Stiles standing at his jeep and Scott on the other side. I didn't want to acknowledge them and make things awkward, so I got out of my car, locked it and started walking towards the school.
Surprisingly, neither Stiles or Scott said hello. That was especially strange for Stiles. I walked to my first class and sat down. I didn't want to be here. I had every class with at least one of them in Scott's group. I didn't want to have any awkward confrontations.
Who was I going to sit with at lunch? Maybe I'll go sit in the bathroom and pretend I don't exist for 45 minutes. I decide that's my best option and I get my notebook out. Notes were already on the board. I started writing them down and zoning off between sections. I just couldn't focus today.
The class went by quickly and I was thankful for that. I got out of that room as quick as possible and headed to my next class. Isaac was in this one. I didn't see him this morning though, so maybe he isn't here.
I didn't see Isaac and in a way, I was thankful. I didn't want to face the only person I've truly loved. The only person who has stuck by my side through everything. I, of course, pushed him away. My chest was heavy and I knew that I was going to have a panic attack. My breath was getting shorter and I was getting dizzy.
I sat down and put my books on the table. I rested my head on my arm and took deep breaths. Hoping it would help at least a little.
"Are you okay?" I heard someone asked and I looked up. Zak.
"I'm fine," I said quickly, not wanting to start up a conversation, "thanks for checking."
"No problem." He smiles and walks to his seat.
My anxiety was even worse. Why am I so stupid? Why do I have to ruin every good thing that comes my way? I sat and thought about so many things. I just hoped that Isaac and I would be okay, even if we just say a simple hello to one another. I didn't want to lose him completely.
The teacher talked about chemical bonds and how many chemicals exist. I wasn't interested today. I was out of it and I couldn't focus on hardly anything. I just want to go home and never come here again.
Finally, the class was over. I grabbed my books and put them in my bag. It was time for lunch and I sat my books on a table where no one sits. I got some food and went back to the table that I would now be claiming as my table. I sat alone and watched as everyone talked to their friends.
Laughter filled the air and I looked up to see what was going on. Someone had tripped and I guess people found that super funny. I got up and walked towards them. I quickly grabbed their bag and helped them up.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"I am," the boy said, "might've sprained my ankle." He then laughed and I joined.
"You can sit with me, if you want." I suggested and he did. "I'm Ashlyn."
"I'm Liam." He said and smiled.
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Sorry for the long wait and I'm sorry it's so short. I have terrible writers block, guys. It's the worst thing on the planet. Especially when my English teacher has me doing this huuuuuuge notebook assignment, where I have to put every single bit of work we've done in there in it, type everything and even write a story, poem, and put 15 personal pictures.
I'm just super stressed, please forgive me. I'm so sorry.
