In the second iteration of healing, I replace acceptance and rejection with "Return to Sender." This occurs after you've determined what you've been given by others (often parents). It is a step you take to talk with them and acknowledge that although you've absorbed a lot of what they put on you, you no longer want to shoulder the burden.
You begin by acknowledging with them what you received over the years and then setting a boundary to cease accepting their stuff any further.
For example, if you were talking to parent: "As I was growing up, I felt like you were really hard on me. You shared you had a difficult relationship with your parents and I imagine you must be hurting a lot to have experienced that." [validation]. "But I am trying to grow and I would like to not continue that type of dynamic between you and I. In the future, I'd like to work on a new version of our relationship, one that doesn't put me in a position where I feel pressured by you." [return of information].
Return to sender is similar to making amends in the sense that you are taking ownership of all pieces of your life. The reason return to sender is important, is because it sets a clear and firm boundary that despite years of experiencing something, you are choosing to no longer engage.
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Take What You Want, Leave the Rest
Non-FictionThis book is designed for you to read any chapter you want, when it suits you. The chapters are intentionally brief so you only read what you need. It's a culmination of takeaways from therapy both as a practicing MHC-LP and as a client of therapy.
