Spider-Woman Oneshots

I'M HARRY POTTER!

I had no idea where this was going and I had no idea how it started. It might as well be a crackfic. later y'all.

In the battle with Dormammu the sorcerers of the world lost the time stone. No one knew where it went or who had it now.

No one realized that a random teenager had found it on the side of the road and thought it was a cool rock. No one realized that said random teenager turned it into a cool bracelet. No one realized that said cool bracelet went to a dingy high school that played horrible Captain America PSAs instead of legitimately teaching. Certainly no one realized that said teenager wasn't going to take it off.

This is a teenager that had grown up reading things like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. This is a teenager that had watched each of the original 3 Star Wars movies no less than 20 times. This is a teenager that knows that a glowing rock that you find on the road will be important.

That teenager just happened to be Piper Parker.

So when Piper was on Titan scared out of her mind she kept thinking about her bracelet. She had it on, obviously.

"He probably already has 5 of the stones."

"Why were we attacked?"

"They were looking for the time stone but I don't have it."

"What does the time stone look like?"

"Green. A rock."

"Wow, brilliant description, wizard." Tony snarked.

I pulled my phone out of nowhere(Shhhh) and pulled up a picture of my bracelet, "Is this it?"

Strange looked at my phone for a second before he said, "How do you-"

"I picked it up off the side of the road a year or so ago. I turned it into a bracelet."

"Oh my god. Where is that bracelet now?"

I pointed at my wrist. You couldn't tell it was there but it sure as hell was.

"So let me get this straight... a teenager has been wearing an infinity stone on her wrist for a year?"

I nodded and said, "YYYYYYep. That a problem? I'm not going to die from radiation poisoning or something am I?"

"No, you're good kid. I just- have you used it?"

"Used it? Dude I thought it was a cool rock that glowed occasionally. I didn't know it had powers."

"Can you give it to me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"A) I'd have to strip to get the suit off and that isn't happening. B) If something comes in here and lays eggs in me and I eat one of you I'm sorry. And C) bro you lost it. I've had it for over a year and it's fine so..."

"One more pop culture reference out of you and I swear-"

"I'm trying to say something's coming!"

-:-:-:-

Thanos was kicking our asses. I could feel the stone pressed against my wrist warming up. I poke it and all of a sudden a green ring formed around my arm.

"That's cool..." I waved my hand over it and everyone moved backwards. I moved it forwards and everyone sped up a lot, "Can I loop it?" I asked.

I waved my finger around. It probably didn't do anything.

"WHERE'S GAMORA?" Quill asked.

I ran over and tried to pull the gauntlet off Thanos before he woke up. Quill kept yelling though and Thanos woke up before I could get it all the way off. He punched me away with the power stone.

I screwed around with the time thing and everything reset. I pulled Quill away from Thanos this time and pulled the glove off but Quill shot Thanos with a laser gun. He woke up and punched me away with the power stone again.

This happened 26 more times. Each time I was punched away. Each time I had to consider another factor that would lead to failure but I finally succeeded.

I pulled the glove away from Thanos. I got the glove and the loop restarted. I pulled the stones off the glove right as Thanos noticed he no longer had the glove the loop restarted. Thanos now had the glove again but I had the stones.

I broke the loop.

Everyone froze as I held up a handful of infinity stones and said, "I have the reality stone. I can use it to make the rest of these disappear."

"You wouldn't dare." Thanos growled.

Streaks ran through the nano tech suit prime where the power stone had come in contact with my skull. The top of it was blackened as if it had been burned and there were parts where my hair stuck out.

"I would dare. I've lived the same moment 20 times. I've been beaten over and over. Now, I have the upper hand. I have the chance to end your reign and that is exactly what I'm going to do."

I used the space stone to open a portal into deep space right underneath him. He fell and it closed after him.

"Where'd you send him?" Tony asked.

I didn't respond. The world was spotty and my mind was getting fuzzy.

"Hey, kid are you okay?"

"I'm going to take a nap-" I barely finished as I collapsed.

When I woke up I was in regular clothes. I don't want to know who changed my clothes.

I checked my wrist and the bracelet was still there. My arm was burned from the stone but I could see the skin actively repairing itself. I reached up to my forehead where I kept getting burned by the power stone. Those marks were scars. I could tell that much. They streaked like lightning down my face some even went over my eyes.

"Holy shit I'm Harry Potter."

I pulled the blanket off my legs and swung my bare feet onto the floor. I stood up unsteady at first but I got the hang of walking again by the time I reached the door.

I pulled it open and walked face first into Dr. Strange.

"Shit," he said at the same time I said, "Fuck."

"Kid, listen."

"Uh uh. This bracelet is all I have of my aunt and I"m not letting you take it from me. I will not listen to your bullshit!"

"I'm not taking the bracelet from you."

"WHAT"

"I thought you'd be happy about that."

"No I'm fucking ecstatic I just figured I'd have to put up more of a fight."

"You get to wear an infinity stone on your wrist. That is a bog responsibility but seeing as you managed to use it well enough to stop Thanos we figured you could keep it."

"YES!"

"What do you mean about it being the last thing you had of your aunt?"

"My aunt helped me make the bracelet before she passed."

"I'm sure your aunt would be proud of you."

"Oh by the way, I'm Harry Potter now." The second it left my lips I could tell he regretted his decision to let me keep the stone.