Little Book Of Red Lies | Shubman Gill ✓

31. The Desire to Protect

Arjun enters the dressing room with slow, defeated steps. It had already been a tough week for him after he had confessed his feelings to Kavya and now that he knew that his bestfriend was held captive by a vampire, it was a struggle to keep walking.

Shubman's sharp ears pick his arrival and he turns. Arjun examines Shubman's red eyes. His tear stained face makes him forget everything and rush to give him a hug. At first Shubman's worry-ridden brain does not register the fact that Arjun was embracing him but once it does Shubman sinks into the embrace.

"It's my fault, Arjun. It's because of me that she's not here. If I had been more careful." He admits everything he had been silently accusing himself of, aloud. As he blames himself his body becomes heavier with the weight of guilt. Arjun struggles to hold him upright for he is vulnerable too but he is determined to not let Shubman sink into self blame.

"No. It was not your fault." Arjun says as he wills Shubman to look at him.

"You couldn't have known."

"I should have known, Arjun. I should have protected her."

"For God's sake Shubman, you cannot protect everyone from every bad thing that is going to happen!" Arjun's voice would have sounded bitter to any other ears but Shubman can see through the anger. He can see the hurt he had caused his bestfriend by abandoning him.

"Do you have any idea how mad I was at you when you stopped messaging me all of a sudden? When you cut every channel of communication and ignored me at every match. I was so damn hurt and confused. Do you even know what I thought of you all this while?"

Shubman swallows.

"I thought that fame had gotten to your head. I thought you, the fresh ICT gem of a debutant, were too proud to associate with a mere nobody like me. I grew to hate you, Shubman, can you believe that?" Even as Arjun expresses this, he is ashamed. He had hated Shubman for nothing.

"I even started losing interest in cricket after you stopped talking to me. I couldn't bring myself to play the game that had turned you into this ridiculously proud guy, I believed you had become. But you on the other hand, were trying to protect me."

It seems to Shubman that Arjun had met Poornima. And he was right.

"You were suffering alone learning how to control your thirst. And you did not want to endanger me. Would you believe your own foolishly selfless persona! Here I was hating you and you were busy protecting me.

"Bloody hell Shubman Gill, you have a very strong desire to protect people. But what happened. You couldn't protect me from other things. I injured myself. I broke my arm. No vampire lusted for my blood but that didn't prevent me from bleeding, now, did it?"

By this time, Shubman feels a strange sense of comfort. His eyes have dried out of tears yet he is crying.

"You cannot protect everyone you love from everything, okay? No one can. If we could, people wouldn't die of disease or accident or of anything. We would all be immortal, na phir?" He attempts a joke to cheer Shubman a little and it works. A ghost of a smile comes on his face.

Shubman releases a long breath. He had terribly missed Arjun.

"I missed your wisdom, Arjun Baba." Shubman says and Arjun smiles.

"Thank you. Ab main aur Mann lagake Kavya ko dhoondh paunga." He says with a grateful smile.

"Most welcome. Kuch madad Lage toh pakka batana."

Shubman nods. With Arjun on his side, he feels a renewed sense of confidence.

He will find her.