to the moon and to saturn♡ (Taylor and Daughter)

lost your spark

age: 14
setting: rhode island

TW: SLIGHT MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDERS AND DEPRESSION

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Ever since my mom left for tour, I've felt this sort of emptiness inside. It's as if all of my happy emotions had been ripped out of my heart, leaving me with nothing but sorrow.

Frankly, I don't care if I sound dramatic right now. Usually my mom lets me come with her on the tour. But for the era's tour she's forced me to stay home. She said it would be better for me, as I can still go to school, see my friends, and have a normal life. As if I'm ever meant to have a normal life when my mom is Taylor Swift.

Ironically, my lafe has been horrible since she left. I've swirled back into this pit of depression. I'm not sleeping, not smiling, at least a real one, and also just not feeling. I'm failing all of my subjects, except for english. I'm usually always top of the class in all subjects.

My friends are here for me, but I've stopped being myself. I guess I'm the problem. Whenever they call to hang out, I keep saying no. My social battery is drained. Do you know how hard it is to constantly mask your feelings all day every day? It's exhausting.

The only thing that would make me happy right now is to see my mom. Not through a screen, but in person. Face to face. A hug.

I also happened to stop eating. I figured I needed to feel something without it doing too much harm to my body, and as horrible as it is, the feeling of starvation worked.

My grandma was currently looking after me. She's come to live here until my mom finishes up with tour.

I was in my bedroom painting. All the lights were out except for a small lamp light by my side. Painting was a way for me to express my emotions, so I tried to do it as much as I could.

Suddenly, my grandma walks in my room. "Hey darling" I heard her say.

"Hey grandma"

She came over next to me and looked at my painting. "That's quite a dark theme you got going there" she sighed.

I had splashed some blue water on the canvas and drew what I thought the stains looked like. It just so happened to be a person sat on the floor leaning onto a wall, with their knees up to their chest, and their head up, screaming in pain. The person's shadow was about to attack themselves. I used colours like black, grey, and navy blue.

I sighed and nodded my head.

"Listen y/n, I wanna talk to you" She said

I looked at her confused.

"What happened to our y/n?" she looked at me, her eyes full of sorrow.

"What do you mean grandma? I'm right here" I replied.

"No y/n, you're different. You've been acting differently. It's as if you've lost your spark."

A sharp pain struck my heart. It hit hard coming from my grandma. My eyes started to water as I looked at her in eyes.

"Please y/n, we are for you. We love you."

"I'm fine Grandma" I painfully said back.

Andrea's POV:

After talking with Y/n, I knew she wasn't alright. She kept telling me she was, but I wasn't born yesterday.

I decided to call Taylor and tell her about how Y/n is doing.

"Hey mom!" I heard Taylor say over the phone.

"Hey sweetie" I responded

"Is everything ok Mom?" She must've heard that my voice didn't sound too jolly.

"Actually, not really."

"What's going on?"

"It's Y/n."

Taylor's POV:

"It's Y/n." My mom said over the phone. My heart must've skipped a beat.

"Mom, what's going on?" I asked again.

"She's been acting different. I think she misses you. I haven't see her smile or laugh in a while, and I'm getting concerned. I'm not too sure she's eating either. And when I went into her room just now, I saw her painting this really depressing picture."

I felt so bad. I should've known. I've always taken her on every tour. This is the first time I've ever been away from her for this long.

"Mom, I'm gonna catch a flight right now. I'm coming back."

Y/n's POV:

It was the next day, and I was sat on the floor in the middle of my bedroom. Even though it was midday, I had my curtains closed and my bed unmade. I was in one of my mom's t-shirts that was obnoxiously long for me, and huge baggy shorts. My hair was a mess. It hadn't been brushed or washed for days. I looked a bit like Adam Sandler. Usually that would make me laugh, but it didn't today.

I wasn't doing anything though. I was litterly sat there. There wasn't even music playing. I was drowning in my own thoughts.

Luckily, before I got too deep, I heard my Grandma call me from downstairs.

"Y/n!" She called

"Yeah?" I answered

"Would you mind coming down here for a second?"

I got up from the floor and walked down the stairs, when suddenly, I saw my mom at the bottom of the staircase.

"Mom?!" I said

"Hey there hun!" She was stood with arms wide open.

I ran down quickly and gave her a huge hug. It lasted for a while.

"I missed you so much!" I squealed

"I missed you too baby" I looked up at her and she was smiling from ear to ear.

"How long are you coming back for?" I asked.

"Only for today and tomorrow because I have the weekend shows, but I figured I'd come and surprise you."

The rest of the day we spent hanging out and talking. I told her about everything I was feeling, and she comforted me throughout. She said she'd try to show up during the weeks more, seen as this tour she is taking the jet rather than the tour bus.

I felt so lucky in that moment. She's really the best mom in the world.

The next few days I decided to get my shit together, i.e, shower and clean my room. The cleaning my room part took a while, but I got there in the end. I felt refreshed and much happier. I met up with my friends and explained everything to them, and they were very understanding. I also caught up with all my homework, and did extra credit.

That sorrowful numbness finally got swept away and replaced with the joy I remembered. I guess all I needed was quality time with my mom, and to be heard.

A/N :

WOOOOO GUYS WE ARE ALMOST AT 2K I FREAKING LOVE YOU LOT

i haven't posted in a few days so here is this :) i hope y'all enjoyed it

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love you lots <333333