His Everything

Chapter 13

Continue....

My head shot up and looked at him "Can you just drop it, what are you even doing here anyway?" I said irritated. I didn't like the way I just lashed out on him. I hated it. I didn't mean to.

Siddharth's eyes widened probably surprised at the way I just spoke to him. He composed himself and hid the surprise in his eyes and let out a sigh running his hand through his hair.

"You weren't in school I wanted to make sure you were okay," he said softly.

"I'm fine you can leave now," I spoke rudely.

His eyes narrowed and they darkened in anger, "you're not fine Avneet, you're nowhere near fine," he licked his lips, "your skin is pale, you look like you haven't slept in weeks, you look thinner than you did a week ago, you punched your mirror, your hand's bleeding and you look like you've been crying for days,"

I was shocked that he noticed these things about me which I didn't noticed either.

"Now what the fuck is going on with you," Siddharth gritted out. He was angry and I didn't know why.

"Nothing," I looked right into his eyes, "why do you even care?" I asked completely confused and done with feeling that way.

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something but closed it, "you didn't even show up yesterday at lunch like you said you would like you promised me you would," tears started to fill my eyes and they slowly started to fall.

I stood up and looked down at him, "did I say something or do something to make you ignore me for a week and ditch me yesterday," I sobbed staring down at him.

"Or did you just came here to play me again. Did you put those notes in my locker that day? Was that all some plan just to get me to trust you and then hurt me," Siddharth stood up.

"No that's not..."

"Did you find out how weak and broken I am. Did you finally realize how ugly and fat I look? Were you discussed and embarrassed to be seen with me," I asked crying my eyes out.

Siddharth placed his hand on my shoulders, "whoa Avneet where are you getting this from?" He asked confused.

"Nowhere," I said sniffling as silent tears went down my cheeks I looked down at the floor not wanting to have this conversation anymore. He wasn't supposed to know anything I said.

Siddharth brought his hands to my cheeks cupping them gently. I could feel his thumb rubbing soothing circles into them, but I never looked up at them.

"Avneet look at me," Siddharth said softly and I looked up at him. His eyes were lighter they almost looked hurt. That made my chest hurt a little.

"Why are you talking about yourself like that?" Siddharth asked and I looked away from him.

"Why were you ignoring me?" I asked. He didn't have the right asking me questions because I felt like he didn't deserve to hear my answers.

Siddharth's eyes widened not expecting me to say that. He was quite, I didn't push him to hurry this conversation along, I just allowed him to think. I know he doesn't want to upset me which usually causes him to use his words wisely. I felt bad that he had to always watch what he says so he wouldn't upset me.

I felt Siddharth's thumbs rub against my cheeks making me focus back on him instead of my thoughts, "I'm not a good person Avneet," he said.

He was wrong.

"I'm always angry, and when I'm angry I get violent." he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear, "you don't need..." he sighed and licked his lips, "you don't want a person like me in your life. You hate violence, which is also a reason why you don't want a person like me in your life,"

No he was wrong. I do need him. Yes, I don't like violence, because of my past, but whenever I am around Siddharth I feel like nothing bad could ever touch me.

"That's why I've been ignoring you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to hate me," siddharth's voice sounded vulnerable.

"You're wrong Siddharth. You are a good person, you saved me from bullies and protected me from them. You even helped me calm down when I was having an anxiety attack," I said looking into his eyes as I spoke, "yes I hate violence but I know you would never hurt me and I could never hate you," I let nothing but honesty drip from my voice letting him know that I was telling him the truth.

Siddharth's mouth twitched into a small smile that made me smile, but his smile was gone shortly and replaced with a serious look, "now that we got that out of the way let's talk about you," my eyes widened, I forgot about that and I hopped he forgot as well.

"Why do you talk so badly about yourself?" he asked. His question made me look away from his eyes I never wanted him to hear me talk like I did to myself, but now I have no choice but to tell him.

"Avneet," he said and I looked back up at him. He looked so vulnerable at that moment, "please tell me," he pleaded.

"I.. I don't like myself," I said staring right into his eyes. My hands came up and held onto his wrists, "I hate myself. I hate how weak I am. How hideous I look." I said letting out a sob.

"My dad hates me. He's always working but when I do see him he can hardly even look at me in the eyes because I look like mom and he hates that. I hate that I look like someone that brings him pain. I'm such a burden to everyone. I hate myself for that. I hate how I have to depend on medications to keep me calm but I hate them because it's not me. I can't sleep because I get nightmares and I hate it because I get so scared and I hate how I can't control them. I hate how I'm always alone I don't feel like I have a place in this world I don't want to be here. I hate how I don't understand my feelings, it makes me frustrated and it makes me hate myself even more," by the end of the rant I'm yelling and sobbing at the same time.

Siddharth gripped the back of my head pulling me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist letting out loud sobs escape my lips not caring who hears anymore.

As each sob came out his arms seemed to tighten more around me. I fisted the back of his shirt as painful sobs escaped my lips.

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