Out Of Focus (Wattys 2023)

11. I'm Totally Not Laughing.

"So, who's going to take Shayne home once he gets discharged?"

It's his sister's voice that wakes Shayne up from the in-and-out-of-sleep limbo he's been in. He's not sure how long he's been out, but the sun is shining annoyingly bright through the hospital blinds.

In that light, he sees Lily and Max sitting in chairs across from the bed. Lily looks like she hasn't slept and his roommate looks like he's slept too much (he wonders if her sleep deprivation has anything to do with thinking Max is an axe murderer before dismissing the thought).

"I think it's your turn. I mean I kind of escorted him to the hospital while you got your shift covered," Max says.

Lily groans. "Are you kidding me? I've been his personal chauffeur for the past weeks. It's your turn."

Max, for the first time Shayne can recall, looks soooo irritated, as if Shayne is an order a restaurant got wrong he has to return. Shayne watches eagerly, not ready to admit to either of them that he's listening just yet (the man likes to have his fun while in pain too).

"He's your brother," Max says.

Lily looks equally annoyed and pissed that Max has played the sibling card. Shayne wishes he had popcorn and a cup of coffee.

"Fine," Lily says, after an uncomfortably long silence Shayne has to strain through to keep himself from laughing. "We'll settle this the old-fashioned way."

There's another moment of silence as Shayne watches the two of them glare at each, his mind ready for them to go all Ten Dual Commandments in his room (he loves Hamilton just as much as coffee, sue him).

Lily finally rolls up the sleeves of her work shirt, takes a deep breath, and says. "Rock, paper, scissors. Best out of three."

Shayne can't believe this shit.

"You're on," Max says.

Shayne thinks about interrupting then, about calling them both out for trying to shrug off the responsibility; but he's already committed to the nonsense (might as well ride it out).

He watched his sister and roommate playing rock, paper, scissors like their lives depend on it. There are plenty of exaggerated gestures and intense concentration from them both.

"Rock beats scissors! One point for me," Lily says.

Max bites his lip. "Alright, alright. Best out of three, remember? I can still make a comeback."

There's a dramatic pause before they go on, each of them seeming to study the other's hand. By the time they're finished, Shayne imagines he can just walk his ass home. After all, his doctor says he only fractured a rib, he can't be too injured, right?

"Scissors beat paper," Lily shouts, clearly victorious and uncaring if Shayne was still asleep. "Two points for me. Winner winner, chicken fucking dinner axe man."

Max smirks. "Don't celebrate too soon, champ. I'm not giving up just yet.

The next round comes and goes quickly, wiping the smirk right off of Lily's face.

"Shit it's a tie," she says, Max noticeably winking. "One more round, axe man. Winner takes all."

Shayne cues up 'The Final Countdown' in his head as they battle in the final round, time seems to slow down as he takes it all in. He can also swear he sees a bead of sweat rolling down Lily's face.

The words are said, both players drop their hands and...

"Paper beats rock! Suck it!" Max is over the fucking moon, like a lion who's just been told he gets an all-he-can-eat buffet of zebras. There's no humility.