Bear: Devil's Rose MC #7

Chapter 10: Kate Thatcher

I can't believe that just happened. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?! I have never been called a slut before in bed. I never thought I would love being called that, but I did. I came the moment Bear said it. He made it sound so fucking sexy. Like I was his slut and only his. 

It was like my whole body just melted into a pool of sexual arousal the second his green eyes fell upon me. What just occurred? And where do we go from here? It's not like we're ever going to forget this moment unless we have major head trauma. 

At this point, it might be better than forgetting this moment ever happened. 

Why am I such a dumbass? I was having a horny dream, and then all of a sudden, my brain was like 'wake the fuck up and masturbate, bitch.' I didn't even think about the possibility that he would hear me. Or that his fucking children would hear me.

How am I ever going to move on from this one?

Whether from embarrassment or adrenaline or both, I can't fall asleep for the rest of the night. The sun is rising before I even get the chance to think about getting more sleep for the day ahead. I decided that my best option is to get out of bed, take a shower, and when I see Bear, pretend that nothing happened. Because nothing happened. 

He didn't even touch me, he just watched. Which made the situation hotter even if I was begging him. That's another thing. I practically begged him. That's just so unlike me. I was a completely different person last night. And I hate myself for not hating it. 

I've had partners, both men and women, in the past. Though I haven't had that many, I'm not a virgin. However, in all of those situations, I've always been the dominant one. I've always been the one giving orders or guiding the events that played out. 

I thought I liked it that way. I thought it was the only way I could have control. But after what Bear did and said, I felt sorta submissive to him, but I didn't feel any loss of control. If anything, I felt empowered knowing that I was making him feel good by letting go of that control and giving it to him. I know it wasn't much. 

I know he didn't come that close to me, but there was something about him standing over me, watching me, calling me slut that felt different than my past relationships. And it felt good. It was out of my comfort zone, but I wasn't nervous until the realization of what happened came crashing down on me, and I had to actually look at him.

But I don't have time to dwell on it much longer. I have a cover to uphold and plans to kill my father to write. As weird as it sounds, I'm a little relieved that this is just a role I'm playing. I mean, yeah, the endgame is different, but it's not like that's going to change what I do after I'm done with my mission. 

I'll walk away. I can do whatever I want, go wherever I want, be whoever I want to be, and I won't have to deal with this life again. I won't have to be a killer anymore. It also stops me from feeling anything or developing any feelings. 

Knowing that I will eventually leave gives me a reason to not feel for Bear. It gives me a reason to move on from whatever sexual desires I have. I just have to get past these next couple of weeks while I figure out how to infiltrate my father's security, kill him, and I can get the fuck out of here to start my actual life.

I jump into the shower, hoping to wash away any guilt that I feel, to wash away the responsibility for the pain I've caused, but it doesn't work. There will always be blood on my hands and nothing can change that. I will always be the killer that my father built me to be even if he's dead. But at least he'll be dead, so he can't use me as a killer.

I finish washing myself up and dress in shorts and a tank top, knowing that it's going to be a hot day, especially if I'm playing with children all day. I close the bedroom door behind me to see Xavier already standing outside my door.

"What's up, kid?"

"Wanna watch a show?"

Who am I to say no?

"What are we watching?"

"Bluey!"

He grabs my hand, and I let him tug me through the house. Bear catches my eye, giving me a wink before helping Faye finish making her breakfast. My heart thumps loudly as I watch him be such a gentle dad, and I have to catch myself. I can't be thinking like this. 

I only met the man yesterday, and I'm going to be leaving in a few weeks. I'm not about to start feeling anything for him. That's the whole point of focusing on my leaving. I know myself. I fall easily, I always have, and I get into trouble because of it. 

This time it's not going to happen. This time, I'm going to stop myself before my heart gets in control of my head.

Xavier plops down on the couch, uses the microphone on the remote like a pro, and digs into his bowl of cereal like it's nothing. This must be the routine. Faye comes over about two minutes later, a bowl of cut strawberries in one hand and half a bagel with cream cheese in the other. I can't believe she's only four. 

I feel a heavy hand on my shoulder, and I take a deep breath of chai as Bear hands a warm mug to me.

"I don't like coffee, so this is the only thing I got for you. I can run to the store to grab some for you if you want. Or you could go, and I could give you my credit card."

"Oh, no, this is perfect. Thank you. I'm not a big coffee drinker myself."

He nods his head at me before going over to both of his children and kissing them on the top of their heads.

"I'm going to get ready for the day, my darlings. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask Kate, okay?"

They nod their heads in agreement, only half listening because of Bluey playing on the screen. When Xavier's done with his bowl of cereal, he puts it back on the coffee table and leans his body into mine as soon as he has nothing else in his hands. 

His warm little body climbs into my lap, and he lays with his back against my chest as if he's done this a million times. His head smells like coconut, definitely from his shower that I know he had this morning, and his smaller little fingers play with my hands as we sit there and watch the show. 

Faye is quick to join us on the couch when she's finished with her own breakfast, curling up into my side. I try not to tense my body too much, knowing that if I do, they could feel hurt by it. It's not them, it seriously isn't. I just haven't spent enough time around children to enjoy being with them. I don't understand them either. They're harder to control than adults. 

Now, I know that seems the opposite of what most people think. However, children don't listen. They have creativity that is lost as we grow older and have outside influences. They are less likely to care about social norms or following authority. 

That's all taught to us as we grow. Because adults desire to please, they are more likely to want to follow commands, children not so much. They just don't care enough to be people pleasers. They have more freedom and rebellion in them.

Xavier leans further into my chest, his head laying on my collarbone, his hair tickling my chin. Faye has her arms wrapped around my right one, clinging onto me like a monkey. And they're so fucking trusting. Gosh, I wish that they weren't. I wish I wasn't as a kid. 

When Bear walks back into the room, he doesn't even question the scene in front of him. He only smiles that sly smile of his and takes in the picture like he's trying to save it for future reference. Most likely to blackmail me. I can barely take my eyes off him. 

He's dressed in black skinny jeans that are just tight enough but not too much, Dr. Martens boots, a white sweatshirt, and his motorcycle cut. Fuck, he looks so good. And by the look on his face, he knows he looks good and he knows that I'm looking at him.

How could I not? He's so sexy. I could fucking jump him right now. As embarrassing as that is to admit, I'm not going to lie to myself about that. Not that I would ever actually do it.