Bear: Devil's Rose MC #7

Chapter 17: Dorian Saunders

Kate doesn't respond to me. Instead, she sits there with her head in her hands, not looking at me. She tries to wipe the tears away from her face, but they just keep coming. My heart constricts as I watch her cry. 

My entire being wants to fix it. Whatever it is. I will do anything to make her feel better. I can barely stand watching her cry. I will do whatever she wants, so she can be happy again. If someone hurt her, I will fucking kill them. Maybe that's why she started crying when I became more controlling. 

What if someone harmed her in a situation like that? Fucking hell. I'm going to fucking kill the shithead who thinks he can put his hands on a woman and not have consequences for it. He has no fucking idea what's coming for him. 

Taking a deep breath to settle myself, I force myself to chill the fuck out. I calmly peel her hands away from her face, needing to get a good look at her beautiful face.

"I can't fix it if you don't tell me what happened, hun. Please talk to me, Kate," I beg.

"I just...I haven't felt that safe in a long time," she confesses quietly.

"You mean like when I was kinda dominating you?"

She nods in reply, not able to get the words out with tears still streaming down her face.

"Well, I'm glad I can make you feel safe, honey."

"This whole morning too. I haven't felt so comfortable with someone before, and I guess, everything just hit me at once."

I use the pad of my thumb to delicately wipe the tears off her red cheeks.

"When you say everything at once, are you talking about feeling overwhelmed by letting yourself feel things you haven't in a while?"

"I'm exhausted, Bear. A lot is going on with my father, and I can't tell you any of it, but I don't want to lie to you. And I've been hurting people for so long. I'm a killer. I follow orders from a man with no moral compass at all and do all of his biddings because I'm selfish. 

"It's only because I don't want to die. Then, I feel horrible because you're right. You have every right to know what's going on, but I can't risk anything. I can't be the one to hurt anyone else. And then you treat me so fucking well, and I feel guilty because I don't deserve it."

I think I finally understand. She's got a lot going on in that brain of hers, and when I started to take over control, she felt comfortable enough to let go of some of the stressors that she's been holding onto. 

While all the stressors are a big jumble of emotional baggage that I know I can't know all the details of quite yet, I took a little weight off by being the one to guide the conversation and well, take some control off her shoulders. I like being able to take care of her like that.

That's part of the reason I like being dominant so much. It's because it gives me an outlet to take care of someone and not just in a sexual way. It's more than that. Being able to relieve her and allow her to let go makes me so incredibly happy.

"We've all done terrible shit in our lives. I have killed people too. Every single person you meet has done something they aren't proud of. You have been manipulated, threatened, and taught to follow his orders. You can't blame yourself for that. That's on him. No one can blame you for wanting to survive."

I wipe away the tears that spill down her face as she closes her eyes.

"I'm so tired of surviving. I want something more. I want to live, Bear."

"Then, let's live."

She can live for one day. I can't give her the rest of her life because I can't solve all the problems with Andrew alone. As much as I want to hurt him for hurting Kate, I would get myself killed trying to stop him by myself and that's not helpful for anyone.