Bear: Devil's Rose MC #7

Chapter 13: Dorian Saunders

I turn to Poison as he walks near my desk, laying one of my guns on the table.

"Bear, get ready to load up. Alpha has a lead on the arms dealer location."

I take the weapon in my hand and feel the cold weight in my palm. There's nothing like holding a gun. It makes you feel powerful, but it's heavy like it knows you have the weight of people's lives in your hands. I stand up from my chair and walk away from my desk with it in hand. 

I don't hate the way it makes me feel, but I don't like knowing that I'm capable of hurting people. I do it to protect innocent people, the people I care about, and my children most importantly. I have the greatest intentions, however, I still know that I'm hurting people. 

Do my intentions stop the act from being wrong? Do the ends of protecting people justify how that happens? I never really contemplated that shit until I had children and now I contemplate it all the fucking time. What kind of father am I if I preach to my children to show kindness and empathy to others and during that day I violently hurt people? 

And as much as it doesn't feel right sometimes, I wouldn't want to live any other way. Knowing what I know, it's better if I'm the one doing the dirty work than anyone else. Because I think about my actions rather than just follow someone blindly.

"You coming, Bear?" Scout says as he peers into my office.

"Right behind you."

I follow him out the door, get my tactical gear on, and load myself into the driver's seat of the Hummer I usually drive. The voice of Carbon comes through the earpiece, and he starts talking about the dog he saw on the street to test if the headsets are connected and working. 

I hear Vegas, who's in the other Hummer, come through, so I know we can all hear one another. I just love when one of us says something completely unhinged in a conversation, and we all get to overhear it. It's such a wonderful part of being on this team. 

Please note the sarcasm. I don't need that to go unmissed. 

For the moments before our boots hit the ground all I want is some peace of mind and a second to get my head in the game, but instead, Poison asks me about Kate. It's like my mind jolts for a second. 

He says her name and the only thing I can think of is her and how fucking gorgeous she looked last night. And how much I wanted to fuck her mouth with my tongue when she walked into my office today. And how badly I want to feel her skin.

"You're distracting him, Poison."

"Vegas, it's not me. It's her apparently."

"Now is not the time. He can't be distracted when we burst into this warehouse."

"You know nothing, Vegas. I'm always distracted. But anything, including my girl, and I still do perfectly fine work."

"Could be better though," Alpha butts into the conversation with a teasing tone in his voice.

I can practically hear the smirk on his face.

"It's good enough for you though! If anyone's the most distracted around here, it's you Alpha. Every time Seph walks into the room, you get all mushy gushy. I just get horny for Dakota. There's a difference."

"But the question is Poison, are you always horny for her?"

"How could I not be, Scout? She deserves to be fucked twenty-four-seven."

He's such a fucking idiot. I even know the context of the situation and that only made it worse. How did it make it worse? Why are we talking about this? Reaper seems to agree when he says a firm 'shut up' into the comms and tells Vegas that he should discipline Poison more.