Bear: Devil's Rose MC #7

Chapter 28: Kate Thatcher

It's been five months since Dorian and I saw each other. 

In that time span, I've gone through lots of therapy (which I am continuing), have traveled many places through the US (cities and national parks), and have had sexual encounters with both men and women but neither has lived up to Dorian, and most importantly, I finished my online classes. 

I'm officially a financial consultant and working on developing my business outline right now. So, yeah, I've done the things that I've wanted to do. I've worked out hardships, and I know myself quite well. I know what I want now. I want Dorian. 

I forgot about him for a minute and then, I heard Unchained Melody by Elvis Presley, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. It was a random Tuesday night after what felt like a tough day. The day just took a toll and everyone was annoying me, and I felt lonely. 

Anyway, I put on a Spotify playlist not curated by me, and it just was the perfect playlist if Dorian and I ever created one. The first song that played was Unchained Melody, and I knew then I had to come back. 

We only live one life. I don't want to waste it by not being with him. It's worth a shot to get him back.

There's no one else I would rather be with.

So, here I am, driving thirty minutes back to him. I literally left for three months, and I just wanted to be closer to him. I talked about it, and she said, why the fuck would I not? She questioned why I was punishing myself or not letting myself take the shit I want. 

Why couldn't I move back close to where I feel like I belong? It was such a fucking realization. I feel like I have to punish myself all the time. I don't let myself eat what I want, watch what shows I want, or be in a place that I want to be, the punishment continues. 

I tried blaming that on my parents, which is probably part of it because developmental wise we are all affected by our parents, but neither of them are around anymore, and I still do it. It's like I feel like I deserve to be punished for no reason. 

I hold myself back from things I want because I feel like I have to make up for all the mistakes I've made. And yes, I've done shitty things in this life. However, lots of people do shitty things and treat themselves to what they want. I can give a few examples, but I'm not going to.

If the worst people in this world can treat themselves after being dickheads, why can't I treat myself while trying to develop myself into a better person? Once I realized that I was doing this to myself, I felt more free. I've always wanted this aspect of freedom. 

I had been searching for it by saying I have to break away from my father to get it, I can't settle down with children because that will take my freedom away, and I certainly can't be with the man I love to have it. But I'm totally fucking myself over. 

Because freedom to me now is about living my life the way I want to live it. To love the people I want to love. I was concerned about giving up my freedom to stay with Dorian. There were many reasons that I knew I had to leave, and I'm glad I did it, but it was less about freedom and more about finding myself in independence. 

I thought staying with him would hinder my exploration, but the thing is, the only freedom I was missing was choice. Ever since I made the choice to be with Bear, to go after him, and made the choice to be with the man I love, I have never felt freer. 

I'm hoping he feels the same. I hope he wants me.

We had an intense few days. That goes without saying. But being away from him and still loving him told me all I needed to know. Yes, I fell in love with him fast, but it wasn't just infatuation. It was real. It still is for me. We're just going to see how this goes. 

I'm ten minutes out and freaking out. I'm literally freaking out. If I turn up at his house and he has moved on, that's okay. I will be okay. I just, I really hope that that's not the case. That he's waiting for me. 

I never would expect him to. It's not like I didn't have flings in the past months, but nothing stable, not a relationship. They didn't satisfy me the way Dorian does anyway.

I pass by the warehouse, and Alpha catches my eye as he stands out and sees my car. He slaps Poison in the chest and leans in to say something to him. I wonder what they are talking about. 

If he's telling Poison, the Devil's Rose gossip, everyone is going to know I'm back in the next five minutes. So, my showing up won't be exactly a surprise. That's okay though. 

Different than how I thought it would go, but I am driving through a small town in a classic Cadillac that everyone knows I have, so I can't say much.

It doesn't take long for me to pull up into Dorian's driveway. He stands there on his porch smiling brightly at me as I park.

"Eh, I knew you would come back."

"That's the first thing you got for me, Dorian?"

"What else is there to say, honey?"

I bite my bottom lip, stepping closer to him.

"We have a lot to talk about," I address with a smirk.

"Understatement. Let's get some whiskey."

He lays a gentle hand on my back as he guides me into the house and through the hallway. My body relaxes at the smell of the house. He was cooking pasta with red sauce. I almost start to cry when I hear Unchained Melody playing throughout the kitchen and living room. 

No fucking way. 

He pours me a small glass of whiskey and has me sit on the stool of the kitchen island while he continues to cook dinner.

"Who's starting, honey?"

"Is it okay if I do?" I ask him softly.

"Yeah, start."

"I'm sorry for the pain I caused. I thought I was doing what was right, but I ignored the way you would feel because I was scared. I forgot it wasn't just about me and getting revenge on a man I hated. You had your family on the line, and I pushed that aside which was wrong of me. I shouldn't have done that to you and not apologize afterward. 

"I've done a lot of talking and thinking and reflecting over these past five months, and I regretted everything that went down. I'm sorry for putting you in that position. I'm sorry for lying to you and making you feel like I was using you. 

"I tried to live my life without you. I tried because I thought this was what I was supposed to do. I finally get to be my own person, and that means that I go out there and see new places. I did. I did that, but it would have been much better if you were there too. 

"Every place I went, I thought of you. I wanted to tell you how pretty it was and complain about the heat and fall asleep next to you after a full day of exploring. I wanted to be with you. I'm tired of wasting time. I learned freedom is about choice, so of course, the choice to be with me is yours. But I will always be yours, Dorian. 

"I love you with everything inside of me. I love you with everything I have. I love you. I wanna spend my life with you. You don't have to take me, but I needed you to know. I'm tired of regretting shit I've never done and shit I didn't but shouldn't have. I want you."

He doesn't say anything to me. He stands there staring at me.

"Kate Ivy Thatcher, you are everything to me. The moment I saw you, I had to have you. I have been in love with you since the second you flirted with me. I've done fucked up things too. I'm sorry that I pushed you that far, that I led you into that. 

"That was the worst thing that I have ever done in my life. And to do it to the woman I'm in love with was worse. I wasn't in a good place for a little bit after that, Kate. I barely recognized myself. But I got help, and I'm doing a lot better. I've changed a lot, but my love for you hasn't. 

"I'm so in love with you. I want you for the rest of my life. I want to be with you. I want to fight with you, cook you dinner, raise our kids together, and have so much sex. I want all of you, and I love every single bit of you. I love you so much."

Oh, thank fuck.

"So, where do we go from here, Dorian?"

"Well, I'm done cooking and the kids aren't home, so I have a pretty good idea of where I wanna go."