TW: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, sh, idek just expect depressing shit. Also don't read this if your feeling like this. I don't wanna be the reason you did it, I already can't handle life. Don't kill yourself, please
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"Fuck this." I thought and stepped up and out of the band practice. "Where are you going?" Papa asked, "To my room." I say and then walk out before he can reply. I don't even care if I get fired, I'll be dead before the session ends anyway. I walk back to my room and then go into my closet and grab a belt. My favorite one, why not go out looking cool. Its got kittle chains hanging down, and studs on it. I've never actually worn it tbh, I don't wear belts, but it looks cool so I got it.
I then made a hoop with it and attached it to the hook in my ceiling I used to hang my swinging chair. Then I got down and grabbed my pre written notes and put them on my bed, then I got on the stool and kicked it out of the way. Then I started floating and waited as I felt death overcoming me. My vision started to fleet, and my heart rate slowed. And I waited and then I went.
I came to laying on the floor of my bedroom. The belt broke after I passed out. I opened my eyes and looked around and noticed I was alone. No one had even found me. I then decided to go back to practice. I hid my notes and then looked at the time and saw that there was still an hour left so I walked down and then walked in and sat down and everyone was staring at me. "What?" I ask confused. "Did you try hang yourself?" Swiss asks and walks over, looking at my neck. I open my phone and notice a massive bruise from my belt. "No, what- how the fuck did that get there." I say in my best acting. "Y/n were not dumb." Sodo says to me and I smile. "Well done you figured it out, now don't mind me I'm off to finish the job." I say and get up and run out, back to my room. I walk in and jam the door and then walk into the bathroom and lock that. Then I grab my blade from under the counter and sit in the bathtub. "LET ME IN OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN!" Swiss screams from behind the door and then I just tale my jumper off and cut. As deep as I fucking can, I've got limited time. I cut, and cut, and cut as many times as I can then I black out, probably hit my head on the tub. The blood I saw before I blacked out better be enough to kill me.
And I still didn't fucking see Satan. "Y/n, please." I heard Papa whisper into my ear. I opened my eyes and noticed I was in the ministry hospital. I looked around and saw all the ghouls, ghoulettes and Papa around me. I looked at them and tben turned my head to Papa and stroked his hair as he was looking down. He then looked up and looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Your awake y/n." He said and started crying and hugged me but I just felt numb. I smiled slightly and then looked at all the ghouls and ghoulettes and they were crying.
Then I woman came in and asked me a bunch of questions and I answered her honestly. She game me some medication and then told me I have to be with one of the ghouls or ghoulettes or Papa at all times for the next week or until they felt I was suitable to leave their site. I didn't feel better. People make it out after their attempts that they don't feel depressed, I feel the exact same. I still don't want to he here, I'm just weak and couldn't do it right the first two times.
They let me out of bed that night. I have bandages on my arm, thick bandages. Good job I have another arm. "Can we stay in my room?" I ask Rain. The ghoul I was staying with first. They made a rota, Rain, Swiss, Sodo, Aether, Cumulus, Mountain, Cirrus, Sunshine. Obviously I might not need it that long. Well I will but they don't need to know that. "Okay, we cleared out everything sharp from your room. And we found your letters, but we didn't read them. They're in one of our rooms." He says and I nod.
"Can I have a shower?" I ask, maybe I can burn myself. "Yes, but you have to wear this on your bandages." He says and I nod. I get him to switch ut on so he thinks I can't then I undress and get in. I have to be quiet if I'm going to do it, he's only on the other side of the door. So I turn it up and let the steaming water hit my back. I gasp and then whisper 'fuck' and he fucking heard me. Stupid ghoul hearing. He opened the door and saw the steam and I quickly stepped out of the water and turned it off and burned my hand in the process. "Okay, I am not leaving your sight what so ever, I am going to be in the room when you pee, get changed, anything, I'm not leaving you." He says sort of angry and then I feel bad.
"Okay, I'm sorry, are you okay. You could have told me. Let's get bandaged up." He says and I start crying. I don't even know if it was from pain, or mental stuff but I cried. "You don't get how much I don't want to be here. I'm not just fixed Rain, I can't do this. It's not getting better. It will never get better." I say and cry harder. "Yes it will, life will get better." He says and I just shrug my shoulders. He wraps up my back with cream, then gause then more bloody bandages and then he hugged me. I just sighed.
"Might as well keep me in a lead, if you want me here so badly." I say and he sighs. Then they all go somewhere different everyday, or do something fun and she sleeps with one of them every night after they establish everything gets worse at night. Then she gets happy, the end.
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Lucky she got to grow up. I can't be arsed anymore
