𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐬 - 𝐭𝐨𝐦 𝐤𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐳

funeral

i heard my alarm blaring on my bedside table, i havnt slept in days. i cant sleep, its like Bill runs my thoughts now. everywhere i go theres something that reminds me of him. every street i walk down, each person i meet, i see him everywhere, and everytime my heart breaks just a little more. 

i slowly turn my alarm off, walking out of my room and into the bathroom. i stared into my own eyes. i counldnt recognise myself, my eyes were bloodshot, purple bags under both eyes, my hair in a messy state. i left the cold and empty room, dragging my feet into the living room. i decided to sit on the sofa today. i sat where Bill always would. i sat there, wondering what id be doing if he was still alive. would i be siting here right now? what if he left only a few minutes ealier. 

I heart Tom walk through the door, yawning. i could see the sadness in his eyes, one ive not ever seen before. i can only imagine what it would be like to go to your own brothers funural. having to live without someone who was there every part of your life.

"what time is it?" i heard his hoarse voice from the doorway. i looked at my watch. "11:42" i said walking over to him, wrapping my arms around him, i felt him lift his arms up holding me with them. "itll be ok." i said to him reassuringly.

Me, Gustav, Georg and Tom were in the car on the way to the funural, not a word to be said the whole ride there. entering the small building, we saw the casket at the end of a row of chairs. i could feel myself go numb, sitting down at one of the seats close to the front. all 3 boys sitting on the same row. 

we watched as people went up and spoke about their times with bill, every word that came out of their mouths was like a punch in the stomach, reminding me he would never be back. each person there was distant family, or friends he made while in Canada.

soon i saw Tom stand up and walk to the front of the room where the previous speakers had stood. i saw him look out to the few people sitting in the clostraphobic room. his eyes darting from each person to the next. 

"i just want to say, i dont think, i ever expected him to go this young." he said choking on his words. "he is a one of a kind person, one one the kindest people there is, and i know it will never be the same without him, he-" Tom stopped speaking for a couple seconds re colleting himself. "he is going to be missed, by everyone. i hope, where ever he is now, he is happy. goodbye, my little brother, my light. i love you" he said walking back to his seat, i couldnt do anything but hug him.

we watched the casket get carried outside and lowered into a hole. it hit me harder then before, that he is actually gone. i stood there, mind blank as they put him in the ground, i couldnt bear to watch it any longer so i turned and walked away. i headed towards the car, opening the door and seating myself in the passanger seat. i sat staring out of the car window waiting for anyone else to follow. 

minutes of silence in the car i heard the door open and i looked over to see Tom getting in, followed by Gustav and Georg, half of me was expecting Bill to get in aswell. but to no avail, there was no bill. i felt the car start up and start to move. we decided earlier in the day that we would go out to eat at a resturant that bill had always wanted to go to. Tom started driving to the Resturant, it didnt take long untill we were finally there. we walked into the building and asked for a table for 4. we got one nearly instantly as there was not many people there.

we sat down at our seats, scanning our surroundings. "so what do you guys think youll get?" Gustav said staring at his menu. "i dont really know, im probably just going to get itailian chicken" Georg said back. "ooh yeah that sounds nice, although im kinda digging a burger right now" i said, Tom said nothing, just zoning out, blank face staring at the table. The waiter headed over to us. "would you like to order now?" she asked us with a smile. "uh, yeah actually, ill get the italian chicken pasta" Georg said in response to her question. "and ill get fries and chicken tenders please." Gustav then said. "and ill get just a chicken burger thanks" i said following Gustav. "uhm, ill just get water" Tom said quietly. "ok that will be here shortly" the waiter said, walking away.

soon the food arived and we ate it over some small talk, we ocasionally ordered a drink like, orange juice to acompany our food. eventually we decided it was time to leave and we payed and left. We got in the car once again with Gustav now driving as Tom was to tired to. 

we got home and the warm air of our house hit me imediatly, i was glad to be home and able to go sit in my room. "well, dinner was nice" Gustav said with a smile sitting down at the sofa and turning on the TV. "yeah" Georg said sitting next to Gustav putting his feet up on the coffee table. "im going to sleep. goodnight guys" i said walking slowly down the hallway and into my room, i imediatly flopped onto my bed, i felt myself drift off, my eyes growing heavier and heavier by the second. 

sorry this chapter was rlly shit tbh. i kept getting side tracked all day heehe