It was a beautiful day in Mandela County, Wisconsin. That was a lie.
Dave was sitting in MandelaTECH, doing his job, sitting behind the counter while he watched Evelin look through the returned DVDs.
Evelin looked angry with anger.
"Half of these are broken." Evelin commented, turning to Dave.
"Well damn." Dave replied.
Evelin blinked with her eyes, "Doesn't that bother you? Someone keeps breaking your disks.".
"Well damn, guess we gotta figure out who did it." Dave declared, whipping his computer out.
Evelin walked over and sat on the air next to Dave, and together they surfed the web to find the mysterious DVD-breaker.
"How did they break them?" Dave asked, staring directly into Evelin's skull.
"They're fucking biting them in half." Evelin replied.
"Well damn, they sound hungry." Dave spoke from his mouth.
Evelin blinked with her eyes again, fully questioning why this doesn't concern Dave that someone is BITING their DVDs.
After Dave remembered how to type again, they checked the recent buyers list.
Only one name popped up. Because I'm pretty sure MandelaTECH wasn't doing well as a company. Idk, it's been a moment and I'm too lazy to rewatch it.
"How the fuck do you say that?" Evelin complained.
"Well damn, let me see." Dave answered, sticking his face into his computer screen.
Dave stayed like that for about 30 minutes, while Evelin adjusted her air so she could sit comfortably.
"Betelgeuse." Dave said.
"Betelgeuse?" Evelin scooted her air closer and leaned into the screen, because she can't see with that damn hair in her face.
"Betelgeuse." Dave said again.
All of a spooky sudden, the lights in the store went out.
"Well damn." Dave and Evelin both said.
They got up to go find the breaker box when Dave tripped over something and landed on the ground. Evelin turned around to find her boss laying on the ground.
"What happened?" She asked.
"Well damn, I tripped on something." Dave concluded, looking over his shoulder to figure out what was on the ground.
DVD boxes, cords, gum wrappers, an unlabeled VHS that was black and white striped.
Wait. what's that?
"Well damn. Eve, look at this." Dave reached down and picked the VHS up with his hand, turning around and showing it to Evelin.
Evelin somehow saw the VHS through her hair, "Huh, that's an odd colored VHS. What should we do with it?".
Dave stared at the VHS, trying to find the label that clearly didn't exist but he's such a dumbass that he couldn't see that.
"Well damn, let's watch this." Dave finally nodded.
"Ok." Evelin said.
Dave and Evelin made their way to the break room, both tripping over a bunch of random cords that appeared out of nowhere on their way about a dozen times each.
Dave tore the break room door off and handed it to Evelin, and Evelin threw it across the store and followed her boss inside.
Dave took his blanket off of his hip, cool, rare, swag, cool, up-to-date, yolo, rare, one of a kind, sweet, succulent, TV.
Evelin sat on her air again as Dave popped the VHS into the VHS player slot. Duh.
Dave sat on the air next to Evelin as static appeared on the TV, before an ad played.
There was a funky man on the TV.
His skin was white with weird green patches and big purple circles over his eyes.
His hair was....green? Yellow? Green? Yellow? Green.
The funky man was dressed up like a cowboy with some cool shades on.
"Havin' trouble with the livin'?" The weird man asked to the camera.
Dave and Evelin turned their heads to each other and stared at each other with raised eyebrows. Then they looked back at the TV.
"Nuh-uh." They both said.
"Just give me a call! I'll scare 'em real good." The funky man went on to say. He said a bunch of words, but I don't remember what they were exactly and you probably don't care either.
Then the funky man howled really, super duper, ultra, mega, really loudly with his mouth and the TV went off.
"W̶͙̜̞̮̬̐͒ĕ̴͔̭̭̗̯̺̭̙̦̻͖͖͊̈́̃̓̂̐̈́͝l̵̫̂̃̑̅̋ļ̶̳̖͐͆͋̽̈́̅͌̍̒̇̋͘͜͝͝ ̴̲̮̪͓͎͖͙̤̦̫̳̤͂̾ͅḏ̶̨̨̙͎̦̺̠̜̗̱̳͍̯̈́̂̐͆͜͝a̸̡̨̲̤̮̗̼̮̦̻̪̣̿̀̾̍̄̒m̵̡̠̗̲͊̾̓n̶̛͇̟̖̳̰̪͎̼̔́̇͗͋̔͗͐̈́̉̃̊͜͝." Dave and Evelin both said, looking at each other with their eyes and sunglasses.
All of a big sudden, the TV exploded.
The explosion sent Dave and Evelin flying across the room and into some shelves. Duh.
When the two who were somehow alive looked up...
There stood...............................................................
FUNKY MAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
