Today was the big day. And the same day.
Dave and Evelin were standing in the backroom, preparing for the big event. Sorta.
Beetlejuice had given Dave a very familiar red wedding dress to put on, and Evelin was giving a pile of clothing to change into for her roles.
"Well damn, Evelin, can you believe I'm getting married?" Dave asked, trying to fit into the wedding dress, but his fatass was struggling.
"You're actually gonna do it?" Evelin reasonably questioned, trying to put on her bridemaid's dress that I don't know what it looks like. IDK what bridesmaids wear, you don't care either.
"That guy might be an alternate, so I'm scared to say no." Dave pointed out, staring at the veil because he has no actual clue what that is.
Evelin walked over and took the veil with her hands and placed it on his head, "Yeah. I'd be scared too." She nodded, making her hair fall into her face even more.
Dave stared with his sunglasses, "Eve, why do I need a veil if he knows what I look like already?" He asked as he messed with the red veil.
"Bro idk." Evelin admitted.
"Well damn.".
Evelin sighed heavily, ">:( How am i supposed to carry a ring-pillow and throw flowers at the same time? I don't have that many arms."
"Hmmmmmmm." Dave said thoughtfully in many thoughtful thoughts full of thoughts.
"Can i.....not do it?" Evelin asked, completely done with this bullshit.
"Absolutely. You're my employee. You just walk me down aisle five with the rings." Dave replied real cool-like.
Evelin smiled, very inspired by his words as a tear fell from her eye. Duh.
"You're so right boss." Evelin nodded, picking up the ring-pillow-thing, "Are you ready?".
"No."
"What's wrong?"
"Nuh-uh."
"Are you scared?"
"Yuh."
Evelin HMMed and reached over with her arm, patting Dave's shoulder with her hand, "Hey, it's gonna be ok." .
"Well damn, thanks Eve." Dave spoke with his mouth.
Evelin nodded, "K. let's get out there before that thing beats us to death or something.".
Dave ripped the backroom door from its hinges and handed it to Evelin, who snapped it in half on her knee and placed the halves onto a shelf.
They peeked outside of the room to see Beetlejuice standing at the altar and talking to that short ass alien thing from the original movie wedding scene, ya remember him?
"Well damn." Dave and Evelin agreed in unison.
Dave's arm shaked with fearful fear as he shakily wrapped arms with Evelin. He was so scared, and nervous, and anxious, and fearful, and dreadful, and scared. Yeah.
Evelin tried to remind in her constant "i don't give a flying fiddle fuck" attitude but she too was so scared, and nervous, and- Ok, you get it.
Beetlejuice turned his waist to stare at the two idiots standing at the doorway. He twisted his WAIST.
"Omg there's my bbg." Beetlejuice pointed to the fatass in his red dress.
Dave twirled his hair.......fucking how? Idk.
All of a gay sudden, that stupid wedding song started playing from the speakers.
Evelin forced Dave down aisle 5 as they moved their legs in perfect unnatural sync to each other in order to get to the altar. Duh, that's how weddings work.
Dave stood.....beside? In front of? Beside? In front of? Uuuuuhhhhh....Dave stood in juxtaposition to Beetlejuice as the two gayly gay men turned to alien dude.
"We are gathered here today to have a wedding." He said, opening a DVD of female yoga because he clearly didn't have a bible here.
Evelin stood watching, because where the hell does the ring bearer stand?
"Do you, Beetle, take that man to be your husband in holy matrimony?" Alien dude asked, gazing gazingly into Beetlejuice's eyes.
Beetlejuice pulled away from the wedding, staring into your soul as he spoke aloud in thoughtful thoughts of fearful fear, "Oh man. This is a big decision! I have never married a man in all of my 69,420 years of being alive. But....holy devil. Dave is so thicc and kawaii." He told you.
Beetlejuice slid across the floor and proudly linked arms with Dave, "I DO." He declared with his voice box.
The alien turned to Dave, "That man, do you take Beetle to be your husband in holy matrimony?".
Dave looked over his shoulder at Evelin shyly and full of shyness. Evelin gave a thumbs up...just like how he gave her a thumbs up when she kissed her first woman.
A single tear fell from Dave's eye, d-. Ok, I'm sorry. Dave turned back around to the alien-bug.
"Well damn, I do." Dave answered.
Beetlejuice squealed like a girl, jumping up in the air like he's posing for the endframe of a cartoon.
Evelin stepped closer now with her legs and offered the rings to the BJ, and the clownass took the rings. He placed one on his crusty finger and the other on Dave's sausage finger.
All of a queer sudden, Beetlejuice grabbed Dave's waist and dipped him down, kissing Dave's lips with his own lips.
Evelin and the alien dude looked at each other because who wants to see Beetlejuice practically mouth-fuck Dave with that snake tongue.
"How did I get roped into this?" Alien-dude questioned.
"Me too." Evelin answered.
