Chapter 19

453 18 7

by darkravenkat

by darkravenkat

Bam's Memory

I pace nervously, waiting for Evangeline. She should have been home a half hour ago. I'm not a controlling boyfriend, at least I don't think I am. I just worry that something bad happened to her. I love her, and I don't want to lose her.

"Bam? We need to talk!" Eva shouts. My relief that she's finally home vanishes as my heart sinks into my stomach.

"I'm in the living room!" I shout back. I sit down on the edge of the couch and put my hand in my hands. "Is she leaving me? Did I do something wrong? Can I fix it?"

"Bam," Eva says, pulling my hands away from my face. She smiles and kisses me. "I'm not leaving you," she says gently.

"You always know what I'm thinking."

"Je t'aime," she replies.

"I love you, too. Why were you late?" She sits back on her butt and sighs.

"I was early getting out of work, so I went to the doctors. I'm.. I'm pregnant," she finally says, smiling. I just sit there, not quite comprehending what she said.

"Bam? You're going to be a father." I shake my head.

"No. I.. I... just no," I say getting up.

"Bam!" she says, hurt. She touches my arm. I turn and stare at her.

"I'm not father material, Eva. I'll ruin the kid's life. I'm not some one you should want kids with." I start to turn away. She grabs my face and crushes her mouth to mine. She breaks the kiss and hugs me hard.

"You are going to be an amazing father, Bam. You are great with my nieces and nephews. You won't ruin our kid's life." She leans back to look at me. "I love you. You are the only man I have ever considered having a life with. I won't lie, having a kid will be difficult, but it's worth it, and I know you will be an amazing father. I believe in you." She smiles at me. I smile back then kiss her. I hold her to me, wondering how I ever managed not to fuck this one up.

"You'll be an amazing father," she repeats.

**End Memory**

I toss the empty bottle of Jack against across the room. It shatters against the door. I turn on my side, clutching the pillow to me. There's nothing I can do. I see her every time I close my eyes, I feel her absence with every breath. I want to hold her to my chest, I want to feel her soft lips against mine. I want to hear her laugh as I talk to our unborn child, and sigh in content as I wrap my body around her. I want her here, now, lying next to me. But she's gone. I will never hold her, or kiss her, or raise our child together. I will never do anything with her her again and its all my fault. I sob into the pillow, swallowed by my grief.