< Fuck my life >

VIII

-> POV Joshua ( Jisoo )

It's been three hours since Jeonghan climbed into the next bed, he's fast asleep and I can't, although I'm tired I don't want to close my eyes because I know I'm going to dream about it again and I hate it, although I don't feel like sleeping, my head naturally comes to my pillow and my eyes close almost automatically, then in not even thirty seconds I see him, I see my former best friend in that bathtub, filled with blood, his blood. I see myself approaching him and taking the letter he left me in my hands, I see myself reading his letter. And I see those three words "Fuck my life", my heart breaks and I start screaming, not without meaning to, I'm screaming his name.

" Jisoo, eh ! Wake up, I'm here all right. " The voice of my older shake..

I slowly open my eyes and he settles down beside me, he gently wipes my tear-soaked cheeks and then gently comes to lay his forehead against him, it soothes me immensely and like magic I slowly calm down.

" What happened ? " he ask me softly

" It's just a nightmare, it's not important don't worry."

" Jisoo, tell me what's going on it'll probably make you feel better."

" I saw my best friend die in front of my eyes, he took his own life, he was suffering and I didn't see anything, I'm a bad friend Jeonghan ! "

" Oh, I'm really sorry, but I forbid you to say you're a bad friend because it's not true. It's his decision and you must respect that without blaming yourself because it's in no way your fault. "

I start crying again, and he comes and takes me in his arms, I release all the sadness inside me, I think the words he said to me are the ones I've wanted to hear since the day I found out about his death.

" You know even if sometimes I'm not sure what to say, I could always listen to you, you need to empty everything you're holding inside. " My heart race..

" Thank you Jeonghan. "

This time I said it in Korean because it's about the only word I know, and he's making so much effort to understand me that I owe it to myself to make an effort too, I think I needed to rely on someone and stop relying only on myself.

" Jeonghan, you know when my memories get involved, it's only tears they come to me I haven't yet mourned his passing I think. "

" I'm here now, I'll help you get back on your feet, stop relying on yourself, rely on me too, you're not alone, you're not alone anymore. "

I nod softly in and he gently moves away from me, Jeonghan smiles softly at me then he gets off my bed and just turns on the little lamp on his laptop so that he can see the room, then he simply goes and finds a chair then he settles down beside me like this, he comes and takes my hand and we let the silence hang over the room, then I gently lie back in my bed, and he puts his head on the bed, his eyes stare at me and it makes me so uncomfortable that I start to blush. He smiles gently at me before closing his eyes, I close mine too and we both end up falling asleep like this, his hand in mine.

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