Bittersweet | Jaspar Fanfic

(23): IT GETS BETTER

- Caspar's P.O.V

I hate myself. I really do.

I should have never kissed Joe; I should have never felt him up. I shouldn't have asked him out on a date - I should have just told him all about the dare, all about Emma. But I didn't. I just had a hot make-out session with him and now I regret it. God, I regret it so fucking much.

My mom probably doesn't even know who I am anymore. She probably hates my guts for all I know. And Joe; God, Joe. I know he hates me. He told me straight up that he does.

If I could just go back and fix everything, I swear I would.

If I could just go back and teach myself a lesson, I swear I would.

But I can't. Because that's impossible. So now I just have to live with it and live with the fact that I was - I am - a complete and utter dumb-ass who is going to have to deal with a bunch of drama coming my way.

I wish I didn't have to deal with it, but this is all of my fault for being a total jack-ass.

"Caspar Richard Lee," my mother fumed after Joe ran off from the kitchen, telling us that his sister should be here any moment now. "What did you do to that poor boy?"

I just stood there; staring at the spot where Joe was originally - yelling at me with anger as he cried. I just need to talk to him. Doesn't talking to people fix things? That should really help, right? I could explain everything to Joe and just hope for the best. Nobody is perfect, right? Just like Hannah Montana said: nobody's perfect, you live and you work it, again and again till you get things right. I mean; everyone knows that.

But would Joe care? He seemed really upset. And Zoe knows, oh god. She's going to behead me, I bet. Or torture me non-stop. This was her little brother, and I hurt him.

I didn't want to hurt him.

I thought since I broke up with Emma, and told Marcus to piss off, all of this would blow over. I thought that maybe if I was careful Joe would never find out, and none of this would be happening.

Guess I though wrong.

God, I feel so stupid. I just want to go and find Joe and apologize and tell him everything. It wasn't that bad, either. Sure, it was a dare, but I actually like him. Not fake emotions, but real ones. I was so stuck in my own head that I had no idea what was going on with everyone else. There was probably so much stuff going on at school, and I had no idea, and wouldn't because I was suspended for 3 days.

"Um, I did something really bad," I told my mom. She was giving me a glare, and honestly, I was glad that looks could not kill because I would be 12 feet underground right now if that was possible. "I sort of got dared to get him to like me, and then I went on a date with a girl, and then Marcus kind of told and now there's a lot of drama in my life and mommy, I feel bad."

She grabbed her wash-cloth that was sitting near the sink and smacked me on the back of the head with it, causing me to jump.

How long have we been in the kitchen?

"You should feel bad!" She said, her fingers curling into her hands angrily as she scolded me. "Joe is such a sweet boy! Why would you ever do something like that? You better tell me everything you did to that poor sweet-heart and you better tell the truth because I swear to god, you will not see the light of day ever again!"

I nodded as she told me to go to the living room as she went to go and get my father.

I really wish I could go back in time again. If I could go back in time and treat Joe the way he deserved to be treated, I would. Because he doesn't deserve to be treated this way. That's something I didn't know when we got paired up in science together, and now I regret it.