Bittersweet | Jaspar Fanfic

(24): TROUBLED THOUGHTS

+ Joe's P.O.V

True to Will's point, life did go on, even if I did still feel like shit.

The next day I had to go to school since I already wrecked my perfect attendance record, but since I only had one outfit, I had to wear one of Zoe's outfits. She gave me a pair of her skinny jeans and a regular Blink 182 band tee (which she originally stole from me). They were surprisingly a little loose, but I guess that was because she had a different build than I did.

Louise drove us to school, and Zoe allowed me to walked to the library and spend time in there just to think. I barely spoke to her, but I'm pretty sure she understood that Will made me feel a little better than I was. I was just glad Caspar was out for 3 days so I didn't have to see his stupid face of hear his stupid South African accent.

Stupid Caspar.

Ugh.

When I entered the Library I went straight to my normal section, and for once, was glad neither Dan nor Phil were there.

I took out my History book I had to read for History, thought for a moment, and then decided to pull my Science folder out. I flipped through it for a while until one piece of paper caught my eye.

J + C's Science Project; people.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed it, folding it hamburger style before ripping it and getting up to throw it in the trashcan nearby. I stomped back to my spot and started up on my Science Project. I'll just do all of Caspar's work. It'll be just like the good ol' Sophomore and Freshman years when I did everyone else's work, anyways.

I didn't have time to deal with Caspar's bull crap. He may have played me, and hurt me, but I was going to be the one to just ignore it. I had to finish this Science Project and get my History homework done and then catch up on everything I lost before. I'll go back to being the giant nerd I was and be happy, just like I was before.

I ended up getting a lot of my Science work done, since I decided not to use actual people to test The experiment on. I decided to just randomly mark off who they found attractive, and who they did not, and now all I had to do was type up my (and Caspar's) hypothesis, materials, results, and buy a board to paste all of it on. The bell rang, saying that it was time for first period, and I put it all away in my folder before putting it in my bag.

Dan and Phil didn't show up today. I wondered why as I made my way into first period.

Marcus was sitting in the seat next to my normal one so I sucked in a breath and sat down next to Finn, one of the twins. He didn't say much, and I was grateful for it.

Class went by as it used to before I met Caspar. We were learning about something I already knew so I raised my hands and answered all the correct answers, finishing the worksheet Mr. Gordon gave us before the end of the class like I normally did.

The class was over pretty quick and I walked out with my folder curled up in my right arm and my bag hanging from one shoulder because I knew for a fact Marcus was going to try to talk to me. Caspar probably told him all about how he won the dare and thanks for the help and - wow. Not thinking about Caspar at all is not helping. No matter how much I try to distract myself, everything I look at in this stupid school reminds me of stupid Caspar and I just wanted to sit down and cry because I missed him, even if I did get really hurt by what he did to me.

How was I supposed to ignore it, though?

He was my first kiss, the first person I held hands with, the first person I almost let fuck me, I mean - that was really important to me and I feel like it has all been robbed. How am I supposed to just go on with life when I know Caspar did this to me? I wanted to ask him why he did this - why he accepted the dare, I wanted to know if he ever actually cared about me. I wanted to know if he ever cared that my dad hurt me, and if he ever actually cared that my sister completely ignore me and -