The Villain Rehabilitation Programme

In which there are a rather worrying amount of tentacles

"Good morning listeners! Temperatures today will be soaring to a whopping 40 degrees Celsius, so don't forget the suncream! It's gonna be a hot one!"
You sighed, and turned off the radio. The weather was scorching hot, and to make matters worse, the air conditioning had broken down. The whole house sweltered in the heat, and all 12 of you were feeling the burn.
"I'm too hoooooooot!" Dio whined, using Vanilla Ice as a human parasol.
"Go in the pool." You said, slouching in front of a fan.
"It's heated up! It's like swimming in tea! A sea of tea!" The vampire whined, lying on the floor in his latex bodysuit. You were about to go and get an ice pop, when you suddenly had an idea.
Sea of tea.... Of course! You could all go to the beach!

"Guys, get your swim trunks! We're gonna go to the beach!" You announced.
"I don't wear trunks, I have a bikini." Kars replied as Esidisi fanned him.
"You WHAT?!" Pucci gasped.
"My boys don't support themselves." The demigod drawled, squeezing his large pecs in his clawed hands.
"I'm gonna bring my flamingo floatie!" Doppio smiled.
"I'm going to have a nice normal beach day." Kira said, putting on some sunglasses. You went to go and get your swimsuit, only to see that it was missing.
"Don't worry, I've got a spare in your size." Dio smirked, tossing you a handful of thin, strappy fabric. It was tiny- made to reveal rather than cover- but it was better than skinny-dipping. You put it on, loaded everyone into the van, then took inventory of all the beach stuff they were bringing.
"Fifteen bottles of suncream, a parasol, a guitar, a crate of drinks, two frisbees, a hello kitty bucket and spade, a flamingo floatie, and... A beach ball?"
"The ball's mine." Diavolo said. "What? I am allowed to have fun, you know."
"It says online that this beach has a muscle beach section with weights and stuff." Diego read from his phone. Wamuu perked up like an excited puppy, and gazed at you.
"Pleeeeeeease?"
"If you're good." Kars said, adjusting his bikini.

After half an hour's drive, you arrived at the beach. It was a beautiful, secluded bay, free from annoyances and tourists, far away from...
"Yoo-hoo! Look, Caesarino, it's y/n!"
You sighed as you saw a familiar brunette walk over to you, accompanied by a blonde and an invisible girl.
"Damn, y/n, you look hot in that bikini!" Joseph grinned. "I could cook an egg on you! Nice!"
You looked away, to see your three British neighbours. Amazingly, Erina was barbecuing burgers on Speedwagon's hot abs. Jonathan was helping, with a spatula in his teeth. Joseph sidled up to you, and flexed.
"You know... I do a lot of Hamon training..."
"You're a married man!" A blonde woman shouted from her beach towel.
"That's never stopped me in the past!" He grinned, blowing you a kiss. Dio looked incredibly confused at all this.
"I thought Joseph was an old man!" He said.
"He was, but when the SPW captured me and pulled Diego out of his dimension, time went all funny, and he's now young, yet he's still adopted Shizuka. It also caused several people who died to turn out to be alive." Pucci replied
"My head hurts, I need beer." The vampire responded.
"Volleyball, anyone?" Doppio asked.

Meanwhile, at the muscle beach section, all the human gym-bros were not happy at all. Some gigantic, bronze-skinned blonde with a horn had walked in wearing nothing but a thong- a thin thong- and had proceeded to bench-press the entire weights bench. The gym babes weren't happy either, as he wasn't paying them any attention- no, he asked some random girl called y/n to rub suntan oil into his rippling back muscles, and sit on said back as he did 40 press-ups in a row. Study, a beach ball sailed through the air, and got stuck on his horn.
"Bahahahaaaaaa!" The gym bros laughed.
"Sorry!" Doppio gasped. Wamuu's head whipped around, and he glared at the gym-bro.
"What was that, human?"
"Nothing, sir!"

Later, you paddled in the shallows as Doppio floated about on his flamingo float. It had a little anchor, so you didn't need to worry about him getting blown out to sea. There was a small wooden jetty leading into the water, and you saw Pucci walking along it.
"What you doing, Enrico?" You called.
"What Jesus would do!" He replied, stepping off the jetty. He planned to walk on the water, but since he wasn't Jesus, he just fell in instead.
"Oopsie!" Doppio called.
"Shut it." The soggy priest replied. You looked over to the beach, where Vanilla Ice fed ice cream to Dio, Diego buried a sleeping Diavolo in the sand, Santana was digging a big hole, Wamuu was still pumping iron, and Kira was eating an ice cream. Kars and Esidisi, meanwhile, were floating in the water like pumice stones.

"Was it always this hot in the past?" Esidisi wondered.
"Climate change." Kars replied. He saw a plastic bottle in the sand, and sighed.
"Humans are slowly killing mother Earth. I just... I just want to do something good for the planet..."
Was Kars showing signs of compassion? Could he be rehabilitating already?!
"... By turning all the humans into my zombie slaves."
Ugh. Classic Kars.
"Surely you could just do a beach clean and try to use paper straws?" Doppio said, leaning back on his floatie. Just then, Joseph dropped his ice cream wrapper onto the sand. Kars froze, and gave a wicked grin.
"Time to do some beach cleaning..."
He sunk under the waves, and erupted forth as a huge sea-beast, with purple tentacles for hair, black and purple tentacles for legs, bioluminescent patches, fangs, webbed fingers, fins and claws. He was still wearing his bikini top, though.
"PUT IT INTO THE RECYCLING!!!" He shrieked at Joseph.
"I love it when he uses tentacles." Esidisi smiled.
"I... I don't take orders from men who wear bras!" Joseph squeaked. Kars smirked, and suddenly she was a tentacled sea beast.
"THEN TAKE IT FROM A WOMAN IN A BRA!!!" She roared at him.
"Dad-dy, it's Ursula!" Shizuka screamed. Joseph promptly dropped his plastic waste into the bin, and started gathering up more plastic waste to put there too.
"Boobs and tentacles. Works every time." Kars grinned, reverting to his normal form. "See? I did an environmentalism! That's good, right?"
"Kars, when I say do good things, I don't mean turn into a monster and..."
"Will you buy me a xoxolatl ice cream if I keep being good?"
You sighed, and turned to the pillaran of fire.
"Esidisi, your boyfriend is at it again."