The Villain Rehabilitation Programme

In which you try babysitting

It was another normal breakfast in the asylum of a house you shared with 10 villains and one Doppio. Diego was eating a bowl of choco-frosted sugar-dusted Dino Crunchies, and was talking to everyone about his upcoming birthday.
"So, you see, I want a cake with dinosaurs on it, and loads of guests, and a piñata!" He paused, chewing with his mouth full so tha everyone caught sight of the partially-masticated cereal inside.
"I invented piñatas." Kars said, putting down his morning cup of xoxolatl. "But instead of a paper donkey it was a human, and we filled it with..."
"It's not normal to talk about killing people at the table." Kira said, putting down his bowl of rice and miso. "Let's talk about nice things instead, like a nice, fresh hand with..."
Just then, the door knocked.
"Who is it?" You asked. Dio walked over, opened it, and screeched.
"JOSEPH JOESTAR?!"

Kars bared his fangs and dropped to a fighting stance as you walked over to the door. Joseph stood there, next to what appeared to be a set of floating clothes.
"Hey, y/n! See, I need someone to babysit Shizuka because me and Caesarino are going on a couple's retreat. You're good at looking after all these idiots, so I'll leave her with you. And tell those strippers that you live with that if even just one hair on her head is harmed... IT'S VOLCANO TIME!"
Joseph then ran to his car, jumped in, and drove off with Caesar in shotgun. You stared down at the floating clothes, which was actually an invisible girl.

"Hi, I'm Shizuka! I'm four an' a half years old, and my daddy knows hamon!" She yelled. "And I wanna watch Cocomelon!"
"Well, um, hi? I'm y/n, and I'm going to..."
"Who's that?" Shizuka demanded, pointing at Doppio. "Is he your boyfriend? Do you kiss an' cuddle him? Are you gonna get married? I wanna be the flower girl!"
"We're just f-friends!" Doppio blushed. Santana peered out from a vent, to see what all the ruckus was about.
"Is that a Philly man? Daddy says you live with four stupid statues, and that they'd better do what I want, or they're getting the volcano!" Santana quickly slid back into the vent, and Kars and Esidisi barricaded themselves in their room. Wamuu was just coming in from his daily 20k pre-breakfast horseride, when Shizuka saw his steeds in the stables at the end of the garden.
"Is dat... A UNICORN?!" She grinned.
"Shizuka, no, they're dangerous!" Doppio gasped, fearing what would happen if Joseph saw her hurt. "Why don't you, uh, play makeover instead? Nobody ever got hurt playing makeover!"

Playing "makeover" was the worst decision of Doppio's life. As he was chained to Bossu, Shizuka amused herself by pulling her hair clips and kiddy makeup set out of her pink pony backpack, and giving them "makeovers." Doppio had cat ears, rainbow hair clips, hair glitter, sparkly ribbons and a tiara in his hair, whilst his face was slathered in pink gloss and purple glitter. Diavolo, meanwhile, resembled a drag queen that had been on a three-day bender.
"You two is the ugly sisters!" Shizuka grinned.
"Then what am I?" You asked, trying to amuse her.
"The evil stepmother. Or the fat mouse!"
Just then, Vanilla rode through the room in Cream. You couldn't see the stand, but Shizuka could.
"A baby!" She gasped, looking full of glee. Cream quickly spat out his master and tried to flee, but Shizuka stuck a bonnet on it's head.
"This is my baby! He wants milkies!" Shizuka dragged the stand over to the fridge, stood on a stool, and pulled out a carton of milk.
"Shizuka, no!" You yelled. She looked at you (at least you thought she did) and wailed loudly.
"But DADDY lets me do this! And if you don't, I'll tell! And it's hamon time for everyone!"
"But Hamon will kill Lord Dio!" Vanilla gasped. "Very well... Play baby with my Stand."
Shizuka then poured the milk carton all over Cream's head.

"I'M HUNGRY! I'M HUNGRY! I'M HUNGRY!"
The invisible brat was bouncing up and down on the sofa, bored with playing with Cream. Doppio was trying to wash off the makeup that she'd put on him, and you tried to placate her.
"What do you want?" You sighed.
"PBJ!"
You made her one and brought it over to her.
"Too much Peanut butter!"
You made another.
"Not enough peanut butter!"
You made a third sandwich.
"Not enough jelly!"
And a fourth.
"Too much jelly!"
And another...
"Too much Peanut butter and jelly!"
And yet another...
"Not enough peanut butter and jelly!"
After a while, you brought over a final PBJ.
"Perfect!"
Shizuka then threw it at you.
"I HATE peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

Hours upon hours of tantrums and screaming later, Joseph came to pick her up.
"How's my little angel?" He asked.
"Y/n has a really fun house! I wanna stay!" She wailed.
"Then the next time I need a babysitter, I'll just use her again!"
As Joseph walked off with his daughter in tow, you fought off the urge to scream. Doppio walked up to you, his face still a mess.
"Y/n... How do you take off waterproof makeup?"