The Villain Rehabilitation Programme

In which Dio gets a makeover

As it was a dull, rainy day, you were helping Dio go through his wardrobe. You stepped over Vanilla Ice's coffin (he slept in his master's walk-in wardrobe) as you took in a smallish room filled with 200 years of fashion- and Dio was annoyed at all of it.
"This is all utter rubbish!" He whinged. "My corsets are so out of style, and nobody's worn feathered coats and top hats since Jack the Ripper was roaming around. I need a whole new look!"
Master, may I speak?" Vanilla asked.
"No."
"Ok..."
"Dio, you don't have the money to get a whole new wardrobe. Christmas has just been, and we're all counting our pennies. Unless you want to go to a thrift store..."
"I WOULD RATHER DIE!" Dio screamed, throwing a stone mask out the window. "THE GREAT AND MIGHTY LORD DIO DOES NOT GO TO THRIFT SHOPS!"
"Only a suggestion. Do you like any of your clothes?" You asked.
"I like my yellow outfit, but that's it. I, DIO, need a serious makeover!"

Unsurprisingly, nobody was interested in buying Dio a whole new wardrobe. Doppio even covered his piggy bank in garlic so that Dio couldn't pinch anything from it.
"Why must I suffer so? Nobody's ever had it as hard as me!" Dio wept, flopping onto the sofa and drumming his heels like a spoilt brat.
"Maybe you should be a nudist." Santana suggested.
"Maybe you should go on Styl3/R3m1x." Diavolo suggested. For some reason, he was wearing a t-shirt that said "KHUNUM".
"What?"
"Styl3/R3m1x! Only the best fashion makeover show ever! Twin DJs Zenyatta and Mondatta, alongside personal stylist Rosey! They go to people having fashion fails, and give them a whole style makeover! Complimented by epic freestyle DJ music." Diavolo then left the room
"Sounds great! A free new wardrobe! How do I, DIO, apply?"
"Just send in a video." Doppio said. "Does this mean that you won't be raiding my piggybank anymore?" Doppio asked.
"Oh, please. Diavolo already took all the money."
"He did WHAT?!"

After recording a video showing his messy out of date wardrobe, Dio sent it in. He sat around waiting for a few days, not even eating or sleeping. He'd just sit by his phone until he got a phonecall.
"Is this Lord Dio?" A voice asked.
"You're speaking to I, DIO!" The vampire replied.
"You're in. We'll be around to film Styl3/R3M1X in a few days." The voice on the other end said, before hanging up. Dio gasped, and gave a loud squeal that rattled the windows in their panes.
"I'M GETTING A MAKEOVER! I'M GETTING A MAKEOVER!"
"And I'm getting a headache." Kars grumbled.

A week later, there was a knock at the door. You answered it, to find three people standing there. One was a tall guy in a taller hat, one was a little kid with a DJ deck, and one was a woman in a belly dancer's outfit. They were all also wearing sunglasses, although it was a cloudy day.
"STYL3/R3M1X!" Dio screamed, running to greet them.
"Hello, person I've never ever met before." The tall guy said. "I'm Zenyatta, these are Mondatta and Rosey and we're here to... REMIX! THAT! WARDROBE!"
The three hosts were followed in by a whole camera crew, including a make-up girl who tried to put face powder on Diego.
"Now, Dio, your style is super out of date, right?" Rosey asked.
"Oh, definitely."
"And we've never met before?" She continued. You noticed that, although she was young, she had false teeth.
"I don't recognise you." Dio replied.
"Great... Anyway, let's get to that wardrobe!" Zenyatta yelled. Mondatta accompanied this with a record scratch.
"That Zenyatta has the same t shirt as you." You said to Diavolo as Dio and the TV hosts headed upstairs.
"I don't wear trash like that." He sniffed.
"But you did a few weeks ago, when you told Dio to go on Styl3/R3m1x!" You replied.
"I don't watch that crap. Now quit bothering me, you're worse than Doppio!" Diavolo grunted, walking off.

You were puzzled, but you were even more confused when Dio came downstairs wearing a flour sack with holes as a tunic.
"Why are you wearing this?" You asked.
"It's fashion. You wouldn't understand." He replied as Zenyatta and Mondatta carried armfuls of clothes downstairs.
"Do you have a bin we could borrow?" Rosey asked.
"Yeah, but wh..."
Rosey promptly kicked down the door, and dumped all of Dio's clothes into an empty bin.
"Wait, what are you doing?!" You gasped as Mondatta poured petrol all over them.
"STYL3/R3M1X!!!!" All three yelled as they set all of Dio's clothes on fire.
"What the fuck?!" Diego gasped as he saw the flames.
"Out with the old, in with the new, baby!" Dio replied. "It's the motto of... STYL3/R3M1X!!!"
He stood and watched the flames, before turning to the hosts.
"So, when do I get my new look?" He asked.
"When you get me some new teeth, and get my friends their back payments!" Rosey yelled, pulling off her sunglasses. So did Zenyatta and Mondatta, and Dip gasped.

"Oingo and Boingo?"
"You made fools of us, so we made a fool of you... On live TV! Enjoy living in a sack until you pay up, boss!" Oingo yelled.
"Who are these people?" Doppio asked.
"My old minions...." Dio replied.
"I turned into one of your housemates to convince you to go on our show, Dio. So pay up!" Oingo grinned.
"I told you I wouldn't dress in such ugly clothes." Diavolo sneered.
"So you two impersonated the hosts of a famous TV show to humiliate me in front of millions, and to get me to pay you for your work... But what do you want?" Dio asked the woman.
"It's me, Midler. I want you to pay me back for dental work, because you got my teeth knocked out by Jotaro. I was only 17!" She replied.

"Wait, Midler.... I don't remember you. Were you the cowboy?"
"That was Hol Horse! I worked for you in 1989! I almost killed the Stardust Crusaders with my High Priestess!"
"Were you the one with the magnet stand?"
"That was Mariah! MARIAH!"
"Don't tell me, you were the old lady, right?" Vanilla asked.
"Don't you remember me?" Midler screamed.
"Um, no. I didn't even see your face, to be fair." By now, quite a large crowd had gathered to see what the deal was with the vampire wearing a sack as standing next to a burning bin.
"Don't you remember me?" She asked Jotaro, who shook his head.
"Does ANYONE remember me?!" Midler yelled to the crowd. There was silence, before one hand at the back was raised.
"Finally, some recognition." She grumbled.
"So unless I pay you, I won't get a new look?" Dip asked.
"Yeah." Boingo replied, his head buried in an extremely ugly comic.
"Alright, fine, I'll pay up. I'll get the SPW to cover you." Dio sighed. "Now can I get a makeover?"

After a brief talk with agent Jimothy, Dio got his makeover. Midler, Oingo and Boingo left with heavy compensation, and Dio got paid enough to resupply his wardrobe.
"I've learnt something here." He said, lounging on the loveseat as Vanilla Ice rubbed his shoulders.
"Always pay your employees?"
"Nah. It's don't mess with the classics! So I brought 20 copies of my yellow outfit."
"Dio, that is the stupidest decision anyone could possibly..." Diavolo started, before being cut off.
"... And a miniature one for Pet Shop."
"Nevermind. Buying 20 pairs of crotchless yellow latex chaps is only the second dumbest idea ever." The mafioso grunted, as Dio's humiliation was broadcast on TV for all to see.