The Villain Rehabilitation Programme

In which Dio takes up dancing

"Dio, you really need a hobby."
The vampire lord slouched on the sofa,Vanilla Ice massaging his feet, and you stared down at him.
"I do have a hobby. It's called sex." He replied.
"I meant an actual hobby. Something to get you out of the house a bit. After all, part of your rehabilitation is physical therapy."
Dio sighed and rolled over, opening another bottle of wine.
"Maybe it'd even help you deal with the trauma from your fathe...."
Dio bolted off the sofa, and grabbed Vanilla Ice by the shoulders.
"Vanilla! Search up some kind of fitness course! I have an idea!"

Over dinner, Dio explained his idea for getting out of the house.
"My father was always so cruel and nasty." He said, giving puppy eyes to everyone. "I only ever wanted somebody to love me as family, and everything I did I did out of a craving for a father figure."
"Didn't you put a dog in an oven?" Diego asked. Kars choked on his pulque, and glared at Dio.
"I... I was so traumatised and misunderstood."
"Didn't you make that woman eat her own baby?" Doppio said.
"ENOUGH! I mean... I'm going to be taking dance classes from now on. Maybe it'll help me heal and become a better person."
"What kind of dancing?" You asked, genuinely interested.
"Ballet in a pink tutu!" Esidisi yelled, and Kars let out his signature wild laugh.

Days passed, and Dio kept on dancing. You weren't even sure what kind of dancing it was, as he insisted that him and Vanilla Ice practice in secret.
"What kind of dancing does Dio do... with Vanilla?" Santana asked one night, drinking milk out the carton.
"Use a glass!" You said, sliding one over. Santana stared at the vessel, and took a large, crunchy bite out of it.
"Probably the sideways naked tango." Diavolo sneered, looking up from his copy of Vogue. "He's such a slut."
"We're all sluts here, darling." Kars smirked.
"Ooh, am I a slut?!" Doppio smiled.
"Absolutely not." Diavolo replied. You took two chilled blood bottles from the fridge, and walked over to Dio's room.
"I've got you some drinks!" You called.
"Leave them outside!" The vampire yelled. You headed back downstairs, to see that Kira had put some waltz music on the speakers.
"Care to dance?" He asked. "First, put your hand on my waist. Then, I kiss your hand. Then, we hold hands. Then..."
"As I said, we're all sluts here." Kars interrupted.

Later that night, you got up to have a glass of water. As you headed back to your room, you heard crying coming from Dio's room.
"Dio?" You asked, knocking on the door.
"I'm... Oh, y/n.... It's my father. I want to make sure that he's dead." The vampire sobbed.
"You mean, like... Visit his grave?" You walked in to see him posed on the four-poster Victorian bed like a Pre-Raphaelite painting, albeit in a latex bodysuit with a lot of used tissues surrounding him.
"Yes, y/n. Seeing is believing." He threw back his head, and let a few crystal tears run from his eyes. "I just want to know that he's gone forever!"
"Of course, if it'll..."
"Brilliant! Let's go tomorrow!" He grinned, suddenly not in tears at all.

The next day came, and you set about to make sure everyone was in sombre black clothes.
"Why are we wearing these?" Kars asked, looking splendid in his wide-brimmed hat, headwrap and leather trenchcoat. "Black is worn to respect the dead, and I don't respect humans."
"We're at a cemetery, it's a sign of respect for all the other dead people." You replied, pulling on your formal black shoes. Dio was wearing a black stovepipe hat and a long black coat decorated with feathers, and Vanilla Ice was in a black suit jacket. Yes, it was covered in glittery sequins, but at least it was black. Even Santana was wearing black trousers, and he hates wearing clothes.
"Where's the grave?" Diego asked. It was weird seeing him without his jockey's hat.
"It's in the pauper's section of the old Victorian cemetery." Dio replied. "Let's... Let's just go."

You arrived at the graveyard, and searched for the grave. After 30 minutes and 3 people getting caught in the brambles, you found the old tombstone. It was a weathered, grim affair, covered in bird crap and cigarette butts.
"Father.... There's something I need to say..." Dio said, passing his hat to Pucci. Vanilla took out a speaker, and played some somber music.
"All my life, I've feared you. I've hated you. And now... I'M GONNA DANCE ON YOUR GRAVE, YOU BASTARD!"
The somber music changed to Cupcakke's "CPR", and Dio tore off his coat to show that he was wearing black latex lingerie and black latex thigh-high stiletto boots under it. He dropped to a crouch, threw back his arse, and started twerking on Vanilla Ice on his father's grave. He kicked the worn stone over, and ground on Vanilla like his life depended on it.
"Ooh, I wanna join in!" Doppio smiled, and started doing "Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" to the music. Diego started doing Orange Justice, and soon all of your roommates were dancing on Dario Brando's grave.
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." You said, and decided to join the party.