The Villain Rehabilitation Programme

In which there are meatballs and houseplants

"Y/n."
You jolted awake. Kira was sitting at the foot of your bed, fixing you with a death stare.
"My room is very plain, y/n. That's not normal and quiet behaviour." The murderer said.
Ok, once I get up we can..."
"Let's go to IKEA. It is, after all, the world's largest furniture company- so it is, by default, the most normal." Kira sat up, and walked beside your bed.
"I'll be waiting in the living room." He said before he left.
Good grief... it looked like you were heading off to Ikea today then...

"Where are we going?" Diego asked. You'd all piled into the van, and were driving off to the nearest Ikea.
"We're going to get some stuff from IKEA for Kira's room because he thinks it's too plain." You replied, keeping your eyes on the road.
"Can we get some meatballs too?" Doppio asked. Santana perked up at this, and gave a happy gasp.
"Meat! Meat! Meat!"
"If you're good..." you said.
"I am always good- a practical saint. Anyway, Jesus shall forgive my sins." Pucci said with a holier-than-thou attitude.
"Didn't you try to rewrite the universe?" Wamuu asked.
"And I would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling Joestars!"

You arrived at IKEA, got a trolley, tried to stop Dio from sitting on the kiddy seat, and walked in. The huge expanse of furniture lay before you, and several employees droned out an identical"welcometoIkeahaveaniceday" Upon seeing you.
"We just need to stick together and we won't get..." you started, before Santana ran past, on the hunt for meatballs.
"FOOOOD!" He yelled.
"...Lost." you finished with a sigh. You turned, to see that Kars had rearranged all the arrows to create an inescapable maze.
"Kars!"
"Now all you pathetic humans shall get lost! Ahahahaaa!" The demigod screeched.
"You're in here too. Won't you also get lost?" You asked. There was a pause, then Esidisi let out a wail.
"I DON'T WANNA BE LOST, KAAAAAARS!"

You pushed your trolley around the aisles as Kira added whatever he fancied.
"This lamp is white, yet this one is beige. Which is more normal?" He asked.
"Just go with whichever one you like." You said with a sigh. Despite being a psychopathic killer, Kira could be incredibly BORING at times. You were about to move on when you heard Dio let out a "wryyyy!"
"What is it?" You asked. You turned, to see Jonathan and his lovers walking up the aisle towards you.
"Oh, good morning, brother! We're here to get Speedwagon a stuffed shark!" Jonathan smiled as Erina carried the jar his head lived in.
"Fuck off and die." Dio replied with a sneer. "Anyway, why are you only a head?"
"The SPW hasn't gotten around to making me a body yet." Jonathan sighed. Speedwagon picked up a Blahaj from a crate, then the three Victorians walked off.
"Goodbye!" Jonathan grinned.
"More like good riddance!" Erina sniffed, as she had no place in her life for rude people like Dio.

After a few more hours of IKEA madness (including Diego getting chased out of the bathroom section for... unexplained reasons.) You finally arrived at the tills. You'd agreed to buy Diego a dinosaur as long as he stayed out of the toilet section, as the staff had been chasing him whilst making threatening noises. You paid for Kira's lamp and rubber houseplant, before gazing longingly at the stand selling meatballs and curious little cakes.
"Who wants meatballs?" You asked.
"Ooh! Oh! Me! I love having meat in my mouth!" Vanilla Ice grinned. You walked towards the food stand, only to give a sigh when you saw a sign attached to the counter.
"NO MORE MEATBALLS."
"Who ate all the meatballs?!" You asked. Santana looked up from his table, rubbed his stuffed stomach, and let out a soft belch.
"Dunno." He replied.

"Well that sucked. All that hassle and not one meatball!" Dio sighed. Kira lovingly stroked his rubber plant, and Diego turned to face Dio.
"Yeah, and the toilets didn't work."
"Yes they did!" Diavolo snapped.
"The ones next to all the baths didn't." The dino-man replied. There was an awkward silence, then you grimaced as you finally understood why Diego had been thrown out of the bathroom section.
"Diego... did you pee in the display toilet?"