The Villain Rehabilitation Programme

In which Kira does not like clowns

The letterbox clattered, and a handful of letters and leaflets fell onto the doormat.
"Post's here!" Doppio yelled through a mouthful of cereal, his eyes glued to the Oingo Boingo Brothers Adventures cartoon on TV.
"Yes, go fetch, human!" Kars smirked as Esidisi fed him chocolate. He was slouched on the sofa, taking up the entire thing.
"You go and get it, I'm not your servant." You replied as you washed the dishes from breakfast. Kars gave a loud, dramatic sigh, and dragged his feet as he dumped a handful of letters onto the coffee table. You finished washing the plates, and went over to look at them.

"Pizza leaflet, junk, junk, junk, a letter to Doppio from someone called... "Risotto?", Junk, junk, junk, and... A carnival leaflet." You dropped the junk in the recycling, but stopped at the carnival leaflet.
"Ooh, a carnival! Will there be hotdogs?! I bloody love processed meat." Diego grinned.
"Shall we all go?" You asked. "It's got a discount for groups of more than 10."
"It sounds like a good place for everyone to see the beauty of I, DIO!" Dio grinned.
"What is a... Carnival?" Santana asked, oozing out of the air vent.
"It's like a place full of overpriced rides and overprocessed food. It's amazing." You replied.
"Can we go?" Santana turned to Kars and Esidisi with big puppy eyes.
"Did you clean your room?"
"Yes!"
"Then we're going!"

The carnival opened its gates at 3, so you all rolled up in the car, and you showed the leaflet to the guy at the gate.
"We're with the VRP." Pucci said.
"Exactly! We are the foullest villains to grace the face of this pathetic planet!" Kars screeched. It must've been somewhat imposing, because the guy behind the till said he suddenly remembered that all villains were allowed to enter for free. He hid under the desk and whimpered as you walked in, and took in the scents of frying onions, spun sugar, grease and motor oil.
"I want to go on this one!" Wamuu dragged you over to the carousel, and sat down on one of the wooden ponies. It was white with a pink mane, and had its name- "Sugarlump"- written on its reins.
"She is a mighty steed of war, her mane dyed pink from the spurting viscera of the foes she devoured." He said, looking up proudly at his pink pony. You got on the pony next to it, and the ride started up. It moved at a pleasantly slow pace, which meant that a certain spiky-haired brunette standing next to the popcorn stall had plenty of time to point and laugh at Wamuu on his pony.
"Don't listen, Sugarlump." He whispered. "Papa will rip out that man's teeth and make you a necklace with them." He turned to face you, and smiled.
"And I shall weave you a garland of his arteries, veins and lungs, as a present of devotion."
"I'd... I'd prefer a giftcard but thanks.." you replied.

After your pony ride, Diavolo dragged you off to the scariest ride.
"The orphanmaker." He read from the sign as you were strapped in. It was one of those rides that were shaped like a huge wheel, with the seating along the rim. You and Diavolo were strapped in, and the ride started spinning. At first it was fun, but it quickly went from "exciting" to "I swear I'm gonna vomit!"in the space of about 2 minutes. Diavolo let out a high-pitched girly sounding scream, his pink hair whipping around like mad. Doppio, meanwhile, was giggling and laughing like mad.
"Wheeeeee!" He cried.
"GEMMEOUTTAHEEEEEERE!" Diavolo screamed. After 10 horrible minutes, the ride ended, and you three staggered out.
"Again! Again!" Doppio cheered.
"Not in a million years..." Diavolo sighed, sitting down on the floor.

In order to calm down, Diavolo insisted on going on a gentle ride. So now, the three of you were crammed into a spinning teacup ride, gently rotating.
"I'm bored as balls." Doppio complained.
"Shut up, I need this." Diavolo stretched out, trying to ignore the man in a blue crop top and the guy in an orange headband that were laughing at him. After the ride, you went to buy some candyfloss, and you noticed that the man in a crop top had bought 6 sticks, which appeared to be floating and decreasing in size. As you got yourself a stick of spun sugary goodness, you noticed Kira eyeing the stall. You got him some too, and ate it together in companionable silence.
"Not bad." The killer said, finishing his stick. He went to get the final bits off, and winced as he accidentally poked his inside cheek with the stick.
"Ow!"
A carnival clown who was entertaining a group of kids noticed this, and ran over to him.

"Whoopsie! Looks like you'd better get in the clownbulance, Mister! Nee naw, nee naw, nee naw!" The clown laughed. Kira stared blankly ahead at the mention of an ambulance, and screamed.
"GETTHISTHINGAWAYFROMMEEEEE!" He yelled, tackling the clown to the ground. You pulled him off and the clown ran away, crying about how he should've gone into accounting instead.
"Kira, what was that all about?!" You glared at him.
"Sorry, just... Ambulances. I don't like ambulances." He looked sheepish, and you took his hand. Almost immediately, his demeanor changed. He stared at you, a grin breaking out across his face.
"Why, what nice hands you ha..."
You quickly snatched your hand away, just as Dio walked up to you, carrying a giant plush bat.
"Won this for you." He said, dropping it into your arms.
"Awww, thank you!"
"Amazing how the coconut shy owner didn't even notice me stopping time. Ah, humans!"

Meanwhile, Pucci was lost in the house of mirrors. He'd gone in 40 minutes ago, and was still trapped inside.
"I'm imprisoned here!" He screamed, pounding at the glass. "I'm trapped! I'm..."
"2 metres from the exit?" Dio asked, opening the door."
"Not a word." The priest glared as he stepped outside, into the noise and chaos of the fairground. Still, it was better than Green Dolphin Street Prison, so he couldn't complain.