Lovesick // TOMORROW X TOGETHER [TaeBin / SooKai]

Chapter 25 - The awkward road to my downfall

When Soobin threw his bag on his bed after coming home from school, he played with the thought of throwing himself on the bed as well, hiding himself under his blanket and crying out all the feelings that have been eating him up that day. It was too much for Soobin to see Taehyun looking at him. Taehyun looked at him and didn't come over to him like Yeonjun's friends did.

It wasn't like he wanted him to also stand in front of him, pleading him to talk to Yeonjun which he probably wouldn't have done, but it pained Soobin that Taehyun didn't budge after not seeing Soobin for so long. Didn't he miss Soobin like he missed Taehyun? Did he care at all? Was he already fed up by him for ignoring him for so long?

Otherwise, what did Soobin expect? That he would avoid Taehyun as much as possible and then what? Would he avoid him for so long as his feelings for Kai lingered in his heart? Would it be possible after that to just go back to him like nothing had happened? Like he didn't treat Taehyun like a stranger?

Or what would happen if the feelings wouldn't go away? A possibility that is higher than the other one, Soobin feared. Would he be able to then go back to Taehyun? Or would he have to break up with him, because he can't love two people? Is it possible to satisfy two of those needs?

He shrugged off these ever recurring thoughts and walked down the stairs again to the front door. He still had to look after Yeonjun. It now wasn't just something he did for Yeonjun's friends, that bugged him so much with it that he had to accept their request previously just out of pressure. But after walking home alone and thinking about Yeonjun for far too much, Soobin now noticed how strange it was for Yeonjun to be gone for several days like that. Something must have happened, that let Yeonjun do something like this yet again. And Soobin knew that this was an issue to be concerned about.

"I'm heading off to Taehyun's!" Soobin exclaimed for his mother to hear in the kitchen. He didn't bother to tell his mother that he hadn't talked to his boyfriend for days and only told her that they mostly hung out at Taehyun's house now instead of his'. He had enough of gazes filled with worry.

But when he opened the door, Soobin flinched at the sight before him. Taehyun stood in the door frame and looked up at Soobin with his usual calm expression. Soobin felt like he jinxed Taehyun's existence to his own front door and he pondered to just close the door again for his appearance to maybe disappear again.

"W-what are you doing-"

"We have to talk." Taehyun interrupted him, his calm gaze was firm and steady. Maybe he didn't want to scare Soobin with that calm gaze instead of an upset one. Because Taehyun had all the right to be upset with him.

"I can't." Soobin only said, but not for the reason Taehyun probably thought about. Okay, maybe it also was because Soobin tried to avoid "the talk" with Taehyun, but mainly it was because of Yeonjun.

"Is it because of Yeonjun?" Taehyun figured and Soobin was frightened by how well he could read his thoughts again. Did the time of not seeing each other made Soobin fathomable again?

"Yes." Soobin only said. Taehyun pondered for a moment and looked at the door frame in absence. He then looked back at Soobin with his steady, calm gaze again.

"Then let's go search for him."

...............................................................

It was stupid. It was so stupid. How could Soobin let it come to this? Why couldn't he just say no and go to Yeonjun's hideout on his own? Why was it that after days of successfully avoiding Taehyun, he got weak in the knees and let him come to this already doomed to failure meeting? Come to think of all the time they had to just do "the talk" while walking to the hideout.

But by the time they reached the land road leading outside of town, they hadn't exchanged a single word. A situation Soobin couldn't assess at all, to which he thought of the silence to be a good thing or a very bad thing. Should he make the first move? But what should he say? He couldn't just ignore the obvious issue between them.

"How's school stuff going?" Taehyun then asked out of nowhere and Soobin grew shocked by the question. Did Taehyun really believe Soobin's lie?

"Good." Soobin said. Should he add more?

Taehyun only hummed in understanding.

"H-how's it... eating with the popular students?" Soobin then asked. This question had bugged him for way too long and he felt as if he shouldn't be bugged by it. It was his decision to distance himself from Taehyun.

"Not bad." Taehyun answered.

"Lots of gossip and drama. Jake and Sohee are dating again."

"Really?" Soobin exclaimed and turned his head to look at Taehyun for the first time since they stood in the front door frame. Soobin sounded way too curious about this news, considering the awkward atmosphere that was between them.

Of course, he heard something about them being together again while he was hiding in the school library. Such news doesn't go unheard and definitely not unseen. But those sayings are mostly just that, so it surprised Soobin that they are back as a couple for real. Though he thought Jake's issue with committing into a real relationship was because of Sohee. So it was confusing to him how Jake could go back to her all of a sudden.

"I wonder what brought them together again." Soobin mostly whispered to himself, but Taehyun of course heard him.

"Stupidness?"

At that, Soobin had to laugh. And it was surprising to hear that Taehyun laughed a little too. And then they were both laughing at something not that funny, during a time they shouldn't be doing that. And for a moment it felt like everything was okay. That there wasn't any distance between them. That there wasn't anything that could break them apart. That there weren't feelings for someone else and that there wasn't the feeling of guilt and burden roaming inside of Soobin.

He began to remember all these things all too quickly and he hated himself for being such a bad person. He hated himself for never knowing when to stop or when to shut up. He wished that he was different. That he was a better person, a better boyfriend.

"You don't have to do that, you know?" Taehyun spoke quietly. Soobin didn't know what he meant by that. Taehyun then looked into Soobin's face, who strangely still had his eyes lingering on the smaller one. Taehyun's big, sparkly eyes observed Soobin's look for something that let him show that Soobin understood. But he didn't.

"I mean Yeonjun. You don't have to go to him just because his friends told you so."

"I'm not doing it for them." Soobin stated.

He wanted to add something to that, but got interrupted as they both arrived at the abandoned buildings and the forest of conifers behind them. But the thing that actually restricted him from talking any further was the great cloud of smoke that rose up to the sky near where the field was placed.