You Make It Easy

Hard Time.

Maya~

"I heard you threw out the first pitch at a game recently," Abby says.

"Wish I didn't."

"Why?"

I trust her. I guess I should come clean. It's not like she can tell anyone thanks to privacy laws. I sigh, "Christian Yelich is the guy I've been talking about for however long now."

"You were in a relationship with Christian?"

"Physical relationship," I correct her.

"Right. So you saw him at the gym that one morning. Then you were at his game?"

"I think you think I'm crazy."

"I don't think that. I think you experienced something traumatic and because of past relationships, you push away the people closest to you, especially Christian."

"I don't try to."

"But you won't let anyone help."

"You know, sometimes you upset me and other times I am so thankful for you."

She laughs, "That's the beauty of therapy. You don't have to like me but you end up learning about yourself which later translates to helping yourself."

My watch buzzes on my wrist. I look at it, "Sorry, I normally have this on do not disturb."

Christian: You should've told me you were coming over

I shake my head and swipe away the message. "What was that? Work?"

I shake my head again, "Christian."

"Oh, you're talking? That's good."

"Hardly. I made a mistake last night."

"What happened?"

"I tried to see him last night at his apartment and when I did, a girl answered."

"Are you sure it was his apartment?"

"I've been in his apartment countless times. Yes, it was."

"Why did you go?"

"Yesterday, I had two patients come in. A mom and daughter. The mom needed surgery and the nursery was somehow full. Her daughter was too young for our daycare. They didn't have family in the area. So I held her while her mom was in surgery and waited until her grandparents should up."

"Why did you do that?"

"Well, she couldn't have been left alone. The ER wasn't super busy. So I sat at our nurse's station and charted for my nurses while she slept on me."

"So why did you end up at Christian's?"

"Holding that baby made me realize what we could've had; what I could've had. I wanted to go see him so I did. I tried to."

"And when he didn't answer the door?"

"My heart sank. I deserve it though. I pushed him away. I shouldn't be surprised that he didn't wait for me."

"You didn't deserve that. I think you trained yourself to think like that as a trauma response. You said your last relationship ended because you were cheated on. Did you deserve that?"

"No."

"Okay. Did he ever give you an explanation?"

"He said I was too busy with my career. I had just graduated and got my NP license and trying to plant my feet somewhere. He just made it seem like I didn't care about him when I did. I thought I would marry him and have kids with him."