Another Selection

Chapter 27

Indecisive. That's the only word I could think of that described what I was feeling. I even made a pro and cons list, flipped a coin, and played rock, paper and scissors with myself. I tried everything but I still hadn't decided.

If I left, I would miss Oliver terribly. But I could get over it. But if I stayed and might have to become Queen. I can't do that. No matter how much I love Oliver, I can't handle the stress of becoming Queen. It's not like I'm leaving him and he doesn't have anyone else. He seemed quite content with Mia.

I groaned and pressed a soft, white pillow on my face. Why must this be so difficult? I got up and paced back and forth in my room. It was around 2 am but I couldn't sleep with this huge decision on my chest. Last time I left it was the spur of the moment. But this decision I must think through to think of the best result.

If I left, I could get back together with Jeremiah. But I don't know if I want to. I loved Oliver but he has hurt me and this palace has hurt me and my family too much.

You know that thing where the devil is on one shoulder and an angel on the other. That's just like mine but instead of the devil it's Oliver and royalty and instead of the angel it's my family and Jeremiah. Now I'm not comparing Oliver to the devil but I'm choosing between what I want.

I slumped down against my bed and held my face in my hands. Some days I feel like I shouldn't have entered The Selection. It has made my life way too complicated. But I knew if I went home my life still wouldn't go back to how it was. My dad was still gone, Angel still lost her memory and I still loved Oliver. I didn't realize I was crying till I tasted the hot, salty tears in my mouth. I don't know how long I stayed there till I fell asleep but it felt like a couple minutes later I was getting shaken awake by Bella.

"Are you ok, Ariel?" She asked.

"Yeah." I croaked, wiping away the tears in my eyes. I guess I was sleep crying.

I got up and walked into the bathroom to wash my tear stained face. My eyes looked puffy and red and dark bags circled the bottom of my eyes. In simple words I looked terrible.

My maids didn't ask questions as they helped me get ready for the day. I wore a black dress with beads covering the bust. I grabbed my black flats and plopped onto my bed.

"Ariel, I don't know what's happening but you're a strong young woman. You can get through this." Carrie smiled and kissed my forehead before exiting the room.

That's the thing. People call me strong and how I can get through anything. But I have real emotions that get hurt, a lot. I'm sick of getting my hopes up with Oliver, just to have him let me down. People don't seem to let me break down and let my emotions out. Yes I've had some low moments but people keep calling me strong. I'm sick of being that strong girl. I'm still human. I can only take so much. And I've had enough.

I was letting all of my emotions out right now. On my bed when I'm supposed to be at breakfast. Not that I cared. I would only have to face Oliver and Mia. Something I'm not looking forward to.

My sobs filled the room, echoed off the walls and silencing into the air. Just disappearing, just like I want to. Eventually my sobs turned into more of a hiccup with stray tears. My plan to go to breakfast was ruined and anything else today. I still laid on my bed, in my dress and my shoes beside me. I closed my eyes and thought of my family to relax me. But a knock broke me out of my trance.

"Come in." I whispered, my voice crackling from the crying.

I didn't look to see who entered but I could tell it was Oliver by his smell. He didn't say anything at first, only shut the door. He stood next to my bed, looking out of my balconey.