𝑇𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑑, 𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑤ℎ𝑢𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠

chapter twenty two. hand in unlovable hand

"Full name."

"Hope Andrea Mikaelson."

"Date of birth."

"January 4, 2000."

"Age."

"Can't you do the math."

"Age."

"It's not that hard."

"Age."

"What year is it?"

"Age."

"I'm twenty three."

"Race."

"Caucasian."

"Emergency contact."

"Alec Lightwood, you spell how you say it."

"Religion."

"Not a Christian."

"Species."

"Heretic."

"Species."

"Vampire witch."

"Species."

"Is there a right answer?"

"Species."

"Tribrid in the making."

"Hair colour."

"Blonde."

"Eye colour."

"Blue."

"Sexuality."

"Bi."

"Height."

"Five foot."

"Sign." When the man wants to write down on the board, the door opens behind him. "That will be enough, Mads." Magnus looks over at the man who nods before leaving the room.

"That guy's bed manner is abysmal." Hope pulled a sarcastic smile onto her lips. Magnus smiles, apologizes and sits down at the foot of her bed. It was a small thing compared to her bed at the Institute but it was comfortable.

"How are you today, my love?" She nods, "I haven't coughed up blood so that's a good thing." She smiled, real, soft and simple. He gave her a potion, told her she was sick because her first taste of blood came for a Shadowhunter and then it was all her body craved. The lust for it made her weak but she is better now.

"You have some more colour to your cheeks. You look healthy."

"I feel healthy."

"Healthy enough for some harsh truths?" Magnus moved closer, Hope furrowed her brows. Harsh truths were what she had to get used to, the taste has become familiar to her.

"Simon." He started and she shook her head, she did not need harsh truths about him. Not now, not ever. "Simon is." She laughed. "No, Simon is fine. He's with Clary and Maureen, with Alec and Izzy. He's with Jace. He's fine." She gripped his hand, desperate for him to repeat her words.

"Simon is dead."

"He's not." She pulled away, pushed herself out of bed. Hope pulled on her shoes, a rush flooding to her brain. "Clary called me two minutes ago." Magnus watches her hasty movements, watches her knock a vase off a table when her back hits it.

"Maureen was here an hour ago, she would've told me."

"She didn't know an hour ago, no one did." Magnus held her jacket out to her as she pulled it over her shoulders. The leather felt familiar against her skin, it wasn't her jacket, it belonged to someone she had to get it back to. To someone who she couldn't face after what she had done, Jace and Izzy fearing her was one thing but him being disappointed in her was a pain that stood on its own.

"He's still at the Institute. I'll portal you-" when Magnus blinks Hope flashes out of the room. She holds her breath and when she lets go, she's in the Institute. She can smell him, smell his flesh rotting. She follows it, runs down the stairs and when she gets to the bottom they are all gathered around him.

"Hope." Clary is attacking her in a hug on one side, Maureen on the other. "He isn't dead, okay? He's a fledgling and he- he can be saved. He can become a vampire." Maureen spoke, her words weighing Hope down.

"Can I see him?" She moves past the girls, her fingertips still lingering on their arms when she reaches Simon. She stands next to him, notices he's paler than usual.

"Hey asshole." He doesn't say anything, she expects him to say something.

"Because I died, you have to die too. God, you're such a copy cat." She leaned in closer so she could whisper to him. She rests her head against his, says a prayer to herself.

"He's not dead, Hope." Clary was at her side, trying to speak to her but Hope wouldn't hear it.

"He can come back." Maureen held his hand and Hope shook her head.

"We can't do that to him." She stared down at him, he was so still, so peaceful. She wants him to be at peace, she loves him and she wants him to be at peace. He deserves it.

"We're doing it for him." Maureen argues, Hope looks between the two girls.

"He'll get used to being a vampire, you have." Hope flinched at Clary's words.

"And yet Jace can't even look at me. Being like this, it's horrendous, I feel so fucking awful all the time." Hope took a deep breath, "You don't know what it's like to see the people you love as food." Hope steps back, her back hits the wall.

"No cares about the Jace thing, Hope. We know you didn't mean to hurt him."

"You don't understand." Hope shut her eyes, the fluorescent lights flickered above her head. "No, you don't understand! I've lost enough people, I can't lose Simon too." Clary shook in her anger.

"Clary."

"I lost everyone, I can't lose him. Do you get that?"

"Clary." Hope swallows down her words.

"I can't lose him."

"Exactly." Hope opens her eyes. "You can't lose him. That's all you care about, isn't it?" Hope's voice raised in a way she didn't like.

"What you want, what you need." She practically spat the words out. Clary took a step back. "This started with you, everything started with you and I've been such a good friend. I've put your needs in front of mine." Her voice felt rough and she could feel Maureen's hand on her arm, trying to pull her back.

"And don't you dare talk to me about losing people." Hope's anger swelled in her chest, she couldn't ignore this, couldn't see past it.

"How dare you say that to me?" Hope felt a new hand pull her back.

"Take Simon to the cemetery, do what you need. I'll stay with Hope." Alec pushed her against the wall, so gently that she barely felt it.

"I'm so sorry." Clary tried to move closer to Hope but Alec blocked her path. "Just take Simon and go." When they left the room, Hope slid down the wall and grabbed ahold of her chest.

"I'm so ashamed." Hope said when he rested his hand on hers. "I know what that feels like." He was on his knees, "Tell me about your shame, Alec Lightwood." Hope needed to clear her mind.

"I don't think I can, it's too heavy." He spoke softly, held her hand tightly. She opened her eyes, he was looking at her, he bit the corner of his mouth. Alec slid down next to her, so far yet so close.

"And it's made me so angry at the world." She rests her head on his shoulder. "I'm drowning." He whispers.

"And there is no sign of land." She smiles.

"And you're coming with me."

"Hand in unlovable hand."