Emanet

|15|: Refusal/اِنکار

Subhan

I could hear the gush of winds whispering in my ears as I walked from the porch towards the main gate. As I stepped inside the gates of the Haveli, I immediately heard the sound of my mother's voice ordering around. Her voice held excitement compared to the frantic beat of my heart. I heaved a deep sigh.

This is going to be a long day!

I was drowning myself in my own depressing thoughts when I heard the padding of footsteps. Looking up to glance at the staircase, I spotted my mother. Dressed in a dark maroon suit with a brown shawl wrapped around her frail shoulders, she looked no older than forty. It was strange how she looked almost a decade younger than her actual age. Only a small amount of wrinkles surrounded her eyes. She spotted me and a bright smile took over her features. Her smile was contagious. I couldn't help but smile too.

"I've been waiting for you."

She said breathlessly as she reached me. I held her hand and guided her towards the hall area. Taking a seat on the couch, she looked at me with so much hope and love in her eyes that it made my heart clench.

"I have prepared everything for tonight. All the arrangements are done. You just have to be there on time."

She blabbered while I could only stare at her. She looked so happy. The way her eyes were crinkling and the hand gestures she was making like she had achieved something she was always dreaming off made me feel like the biggest jerk of the world. She hasn't smiled this wide in so long. It made me sad. Angry at myself. Guilt clouded my senses at the thought of disappointing her.

"And than I will talk to your grandmother.....Beta are you listening?"

I heard the voice of my mother and jerked back from my mind. Stop it Subhan. There are bigger issues at hand.

"Yes I am." She sighed. Taking my hands in her soft ones, she said to me

"I'm so happy today. You have made me the happiest woman by agreeing to the marriage."

Yes. I have said yes to the marriage. It was a decision that I had to take to restore my reputation. It felt like an easy way out before, but now I only feel this ugly guilt in my bones. I have betrayed my brother. How can I marry his wife? The woman he loved and cherished so much?

But I'm selfish. This realization hit me so hard that I stood up from the couch like it was on fire. My mother glanced at me confusedly and I heaved a sigh.

Get it together!

"I have some work, Ammi. I'll talk to you later."

I literally ran away from there. The air was too hard to breath in and I felt my lungs giving up. Without a thought, I ran up the stairs towards the terrace to calm my mind. It's been playing with me all damn day long. The warm sun rays greeted me as I opened the door. The melodic voice of the birds welcomed me as I walked towards the railing. Dropping my head between my arms, I stood there. Basking in the warmth of the sun. Trying to overpower this guilt.

The article was still surrounding on some social media pages. But it won't be a hustle now. The news has died down, but it has left a sneering dark spot on my reputation and potential of being a good leader. Honestly, I do think I lack something to be a leader. Maybe it's not for me. But always and I mean it always my brother's will, as if talking to me, tells me that I have to work harder and push pass my limits. He believed in me. When no one give a damn about me. He saw the potential in me. He believed me enough to hand me the power to run his company which he build up with his sweat and blood and years of hard work.