14. The Night It Begun: Part Two

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' I am not okay, but I smile always

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' I am not okay, but I smile always. '

Even if the planets from which we originated did not make sense, they do. Although I was aware that what I was doing was wrong, the emotion was intolerable. I never considered doing anything that I knew I couldn't control anymore, but the taste and fragrance of whisky numbed the agony and gave me the impression that I was flying high in the skies.

I couldn't tell if it was my mind or my heart, but if I had learned anything, it was that following your emotions would lead you to places you will regret. The night I lay hands on her was the moment I realized my world would shift somewhat.

I had learned the hard way that emotions are fickle creatures, capable of clouding judgment and leading us astray. They can create illusions of love, disguising toxicity and masking red flags that, in hindsight, become starkly evident. Regret had become a familiar companion, an unwelcome reminder of the consequences that can stem from chasing fleeting passions.

Should I follow the intoxicating song of emotion, allowing myself to be swept away in the current of passion, or should I heed the cautionary whispers of reason, safeguarding my heart from potential future pain?

With my eyes closed, I could feel my lips on her, but she stood so still, not knowing how to breathe I will say, you know it's wrong, why do it? But I couldn't stop myself from remembering what it felt like the last time since I was intoxicated with all the whisky drinking.

Her body tensed, her breathing quickened, and her lips started to shake. Even though I thought it was adorable and didn't want to make her appear terrible, I opened my eyes and grinned against her lips. Her image was enhanced by the way her hair was flying over her face and giving her an untidy appearance.

"You have not kissed a single man," I whispered against her lips.

"Why did you do that?" she said, taking a step back and looking to the side. The reality is that it is both wrong and just. "You know," she said quietly.

If I was being really honest with myself, I would do this to feel better without drinking whisky. Because I know that drinking a lot of alcohol is a gradual method to poison the mind, but discovering a new poison that isn't actual poison might heal the scars that were created.

"Let's just say," I turned my head to the sky before gazing back at her, "it's a way of making my night a little bit better."

"Look, you may or may not be a good guy, but we cannot do this," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I can't cope with the drama, the back and forth... it's just too much for me, and I'm not that person." Take some time to think about your feelings, because maybe you're just being nice to avoid feeling bad about how you treated me before," she said quietly. "No offense."

I can see what she was trying to express, but perhaps I went too far in believing she would be the ideal person to aid in my recovery. In actuality, I could have needed her as a friend rather than moving two feet over.

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