Burning Flames (Chicago Fire Fan-fiction) - Under Editing

Chapter 47: Squad 3

"I... I just feel like I was the one that killed her, you know. I was making calls when I shouldn't have been. I quit to work the scene along side CFD and CPD. I was injured so Boden didn't want me working the call. So I resigned. I was making the calls. I shouldn't have been. Jones should have been making them... not me." I say as tears roll down my cheeks and Matt holds me.
Chaplain Rolinski nods and says, "Gabby, it's true, you shouldn't have been making the calls, but Jones would have made the same calls you did. Stating the facts, you were a qualified paramedic, she was not. You had more experience with rescuing victims from downed buildings, she was barely able to pull a victim out of a standing collapsed building that was not on fire. Stating opinions, it is God's will to decide who dies and who lives, not you, Jones, or anyone else for that matter. Jones let you make the calls because she respected you. I know this because she came in to my office once a week to visit. She talked about how the only thing that Truck 81 talked about was how you were missing.
She knew she would have to prove herself to get any recognition, but first she would have to impress you. Earn your respect first. She said sometimes it felt like she was having to live in an older sister's shadow, but she loved that. It meant she could learn from you. Each week she came in she would talk about how you'd performed another flawless Squad rescue almost by yourself.
I remember one time she came in, not too long before her death, depressed and mad at herself. When I had asked her what she was upset about she told me she had gotten you injured. It was the apartment building collapse. She had heard a man calling for help inside, and didn't see anyone that could give her permission or could do it themselves.
She went in, got the guy, but couldn't get out. She heard you coming, and you took the man, handed her the halligan, and told her to go back. She came out, and you a few minutes later. Lieutenant Casey scolded her, and she understood why, that wasn't why she was upset. She had seen you walk off behind the truck. When she'd followed you you had walked off, but there was blood on the ground.
She went looking for you, but you were gone. Then, she heard over the radio that you were in the infirmary. She was upset for getting you hurt. She respected you. Don't think that if your roles had been switched she would not have let you help the victim. She knew what you were capable of, and she trusted you to make the right decision."
"I know that it wasn't my fault, Chaplain, but I still feel responsible." I say leaning into Matt.
"I know you do, and you have every right to. You were her training instructor. You two had a close bond. Teacher and student, friends, rivals in a way, sisters, fellow firefighters, and partners. Lean on your fellow firefighters. Everyone at Fire House 51 feels the grief, so does the rest of the CFD. Just remember that you have a family to lean on. Your fire house is the best place for you to be. Have faith and you will get through this, I promise." The Chaplain tells me as we stand, and walk out the door.
I nod, and hug him before Matt and I walk out to his truck.
"You all right, Gabs?" Matt asks as we pull off.
I look over at him and say, "I'm better. Not okay, but better."
He nods as he takes my hand, and we pull up to the house.
We walk in, and over to the couch. Matt turns on the TV, turning it to the news as I'm pulling my shoes off in the hallway.
"Oh damn. Get changed out in to uniform. We are about to get paged out to assist." Matt says as he runs up the stairs.
I look in to the living room and see what he was talking about. Lakeview Hospital is on fire, trucks pulling up as I'm watching. I see a fire boat making its way to the scene.
I turn on my heel, and run up the stairs. I quickly change out, lace my boots up, and pull my hair back. I grab my CFD jacket and radio belt, and Matt and I run downstairs. I grab my phone off the key table, and Matt and I are speeding towards the House.
When we get there firefighters are pulling up.
"81, gear up, and get in the truck!" Matt orders. I pull on my turn out gear, and jump in the Truck.
We switch our radios over to our channel, and Severide comes on asking, "Casey, mind if we steal your candidate this call? We are going to need as many rescue as we can get. Dawson has the skill to go through all of our procedures and knows our protocols."
Casey looks back at me and says, "Yeah, she'll meet you at your truck when we pull up."
I nod when he looks at me, and Severide replies, "Thanks."
"Yeah." Casey says as we come to a controlled stop and keep going.
"She's rollin, boys." Casey says as we pull up.
I grab my air pack, and jog over to Squad Three as they get out of the truck.
"Okay, Dawson with Capp, Clark and Kyle you two together, and everyone else with me. Dawson, Capp, we have reports of victims trapped on the top floor get Cruz and Otis to raise the ladder, and get those victims down. Clark, Kyle, work out here with the basement vics. Everyone else we work from the first floor front back and up. Capp and Dawson, after you two get the vics on top start working downwards." Severide gives out orders and we get to work...