Ramdam niya ang biglang tigil ng pagtibok ng puso niya dahil sa sinabi nito. Unti-unti rin siyang napa-usog papalayo sa lalake dahil sa takot at kaba. He watched as different emotions swirl around Zynder's face.
"H-How . . . How did you know?" Naisip niyang magsinungaling muli ngunit pinigilan na niya ang sarili. Hanggang saan ba siya dadalhin ng mga kasinungalingan niya? He already found out, why not come clean already and end everything.
"You're not that particularly good at lying, hon." His voice was still laced with that familiar sweetness that took him aback.
Why is he still like that? Why is he talking to him as if they are still the same boyfriend-girlfriend duo?
Alam na nito ang totoong siya. Alam na nito na hindi siya totoong babae.
Why act like you're not disgusted with me?
"You know . . ." bigla itong nagsalita bago walang-pasabing lumapit ng upo sa kaniya. His actions made him scoot back but he then felt the wall behind him.
Curse me and my fucking preference for sitting near the wall!
". . . it always boggles my mind why Louisa is so against me visiting her house. I mean, don't get me wrong but most women would want a "legal" relationship. A relationship where their family knew about the other person, but not Lou- . . . oh I mean, not you." Nanginig ang buong sistema niya nang hawakan ni Zynder ang baba niya at pinilit siyang diretsong tumingin sa mukha nito. "You don't want me visiting your house hmm . . . hon?" Hinaplos-haplos nito ang mukha niyang hawak nito habang sinasabi iyon. "And then slowly by slowly, I started noticing that you and the so-called Louisa have a lot in common. From the way you walk, the way you talk, the way your cheeks blush when I catch you secretly watching me, the way you laugh whenever something stupid . . . You're both the same."
Napakagat siya sa kaniyang labi habang pinapakinggan ang lalake.
"So I then started some digging. I searched all of your family's social media and odd enough, Louisa was never in any of their pictures. But why? Is she an illegitimate daughter or what? But I said to myself that it wouldn't explain why you are beloved by your parents since you and Louisa are twins, right?"
Zynder shifted in his seat and scooted even closer to him, the space between them was almost suffocating. Ang lapit-lapit ng mukha nila na aakalain mong hahalikan siya ng lalake.
"Would you be angry if I confess that I followed you after our little dates, hmm . . . hon?" his voice was so soft that anyone could mistook it for "panlalambing".
But that would be impossible, Zynder must be feeling so disgusted by the truth, right?
Hindi niya sinagot ang lalake dahil pakiramdam niyang hindi na niya kakayanin pang magsalita. Mukhang naramdaman rin iyon ni Zynder dahil nagpatuloy ito sa sasabihin. "Funny enough, I was not even shocked when I saw you go inside a bathroom as Louisa and come out as Louis. I don't know . . . maybe I already knew it from the very start. After that, everything was so clear. Just earlier, you said you like to drink milk when you feel down. Do you know who said that exact line to me?"
Huminto ito at para bang hinihintay ang kaniyang sagot ngunit hindi niya ito kayang sagutin. He knew he fucked up when he didn't ever consider changing his personality when he's Louis or when she's Louisa. He just acts like himself no matter who he is. Mukhang iyon rin ang dahilan kung bakit siya natuklasan ni Zynder.
"I said that to you because you looked so dejected . . ." mahinang bulong niya. Sa wakas ay nagkaroon na siya ng lakas ng loob upang sagutin ito. Zynder slightly smiled upon hearing what he said. "Since . . . Since when did you knew?" halos papaiyak niyang tanong dito. Kailangan niya ng sagot mula dito upang malaman kung gaano na siya katagal na nagmumukhang tanga sa harapan nito.
Malakas munang bumuntung-hininga ang lalake bago siya sinagot, "I already have a hunch just a month ago."
He mockingly laughed at himself. He looked like an idiot for a month now, parading himself like a real woman to Zynder. Siguradong pinagtatawanan siya ng lalake sa tuwing nagkikita sila. Maybe he was even secretly mocking him, saying shit like how much of an "ilusyunada" he is.
Nakakahiya.
Naluluha niyang tinitigan ang lalake bago malakas na hinawi ang kamay nitong nasa pisngi niya. Mukhang nagulat ito sa ginawa niya dahil nakakunot-noong tiningnan siya nito. Isang sulyap lamang ang ginawa niya bago malakas itong tinulak at mabilis na lumabas mula sa restaurant kung saan sila kumakain. Hindi na niya ininda na pinagtitinginan siya ng mga tao habang papalabas siya sa pintuan. Rinig pa niya ang nagmamadaling pagbigay ng pera ni Zynder sa waiter upang i-settle ang bill nila.
He wiped the tears coming out of his eyes. Hindi matanggal-tanggal sa utak niya ang kahihiyang nararamdaman.
How fucking pathetic!
Nang makalayo-layo sa restaurant ay huminto siya sa may gilid ng daan upang maghintay ng taxi. Siguro dahil wala na si Zynder sa harapan niya kaya naman mas malaya siyang umiyak na parang bata. Humagulhol siya at pilit na tinutuyo ang pisngi dahil sa patuloy na pagdaloy ng luha sa kaniyang mga mata. Kahit na iyak na iyak ay nakayanan pa rin niyang pumara ng taxi at akma na sanang sasakay doon nang tumigil iyon sa harapan niya. Bago pa man niya iyon magawa ay may kamay na biglang pumigil sa kaniya.
She looked at that person and saw Zynder breathless. Mukhang hinabol siya nito matapos magbayad sa restaurant. He tried freeing his arms to no avail.
" Ano pa bang kailangan mo sa akin?!" malakas niyang sigaw dito. "It must be so fun for you to watch me make a fool of myself in front of you, huh? Nakakatawa bang panoorin akong maging ilusyunada sa harap mo?! Oo! Nagpapanggap akong babae! Oo! Niloko kita! I know I made a mistake but you treating me like a fun show isn't enough for you?! Siguro kung ano-ano na ang pinagsasasabi mo tungkol sa akin sa tuwing nagkikita tayo. Nakakadiri ba ako . . . ?" He was shouting his words but not that last sentence. No, he said that in a tiny voice as if afraid. Unti-unting napabitaw si Zynder sa kaniyang braso at ginamit niya ang pagkakataon na iyon upang talikuran ang lalake at sumakay na sa taxi.
He left him there and he just wished that they would never see each other again. Tama na ang kahihiyang ginawa niya.
YOU ARE READING
My Sin In His Past (The 3rd Book of "In His Past" Series)
Historical Fiction"If loving you is a sin, sinner I'm ready to be."
