Unexpected Encounter

30. Misery

Nanon's POV

Clearly looks like you didn't get the attention from your Dad that you go off limits to get my attention. Those harsh words of him kept roaming in my mind.

Why did you do that Nanon? I asked this question to myself for Nth time.

What happened to you? At some point I don't even know how and why I started seducing Ohm? Gosh that was not seducing I was just playing with him. I didn't expect him to play along.

You and I have same thing in common. What's there to hide? Ohm words played like a rollercoaster in my head for the whole night.

Really? Same thing? Like Man, he is literally 12 inch and I am 6.5 how come we both have same thing when he is literally double of mine.

He is bulky, muscular and Tan where as I am Lean yet with some well defined muscles and Pale. How come we both are same?

He and I are different, different in behaviour, attitude, body arrangements. How come he say Same thing?

All the thoughts from last night made Nanon insecure.... The little about the care if it's called care,those little actions of act of service, that little smile he hide when he witness Nanon cracking some Dad jokes out of nowhere, that little amount of possessiveness Ohm still has on Nanon meant nothing with the word 'Same thing'.

He felt something different like all of a sudden he started thinking about the times when Ohm used to look at him with those eyes where Nanon felt he was being....getting noticed. All of a sudden they all made no sense he felt like Ohm really changed, Ohm really had no more feelings left for Nanon even if they were just teenage lust or confused feelings.

He was scared, he was in denial, he wanted Ohm to continue having those unnamed feelings.

In the past Nanon had no choice but to keep proving that he was as straight as ruler,he knew he was not straight when he started feeling like kissing those full lips of Ohm. He was scared to come out as Bi he was scared to ruin his father's political Reputation....He was scared to have feelings on that Guy where he was forced to hate him.

But after going through the darkest stage of his life where he made himself strong enough to hold a knife, his Father himself started shivering looking at Nanon's potential. Now that he has nothing to lose except his life where he dangerously wants to survive and nothing left to prove.

And about love he really doesn't believe in that shit from childhood but whenever he see this Little girl who has her father's unconditional love and attention even if it's 1% of it he wanted even if he doesn't love him anymore,Nanon wants Ohm to wrap his arms around his waist and have a peaceful sleep. That might be much more enough to Nanon.

Nanon was never loved he was just an extra piece of Flesh came out of his Dad, He really doesn't know what love is all he knew was getting forced to do things or hate things or abused for no reason. But that little kindness which Ohm shows makes Nanon's mind dumb and numb.

And the "Same thing"scared the shit out of Nanon. Cause Pain comes with Pleasure, scars comes with Traumatic past, Life comes with Death,  feelings comes with Lust, and Love comes with sacrifice.

This deep thoughts knowing well that he can't go that far to feel "what love is made of" his head fucked up.

Is he even worth to be loved when he went through so many dirty ugly things......His past actions made Ohm feel unloved already but if he knew his past he will definitely hate him and Nanon can't effort it. Expecting Ohm's affection is like wanting to buy your Favourite Things when you are tied up to the train track.